Star Wars: The Force Awakens: 8/10

Let’s get one thing clear: there is absolutely no way in the modern economic structure of filmmaking and Hollywood are we ever going to get a sci-fi trifecta as good as the original Star Wars trilogy. Just ask Indiana Jones what happens when you try to revive a severely beloved franchise in a new era decades later (*screams in agony*). And with the Disney Regime having their fingerprints all over the product you know there will be limitations, there will be questionable decisions, and the eggs will never be in the same basket.

However, Star Wars: The Force Awakens is not just a step in the right direction; its many many steps in the right direction. Despite the impossible odds to live up to the Original Three, The Force Awakens delivers an exhilarating experience that will revitalize your love for the franchise, and will give you strong anticipation for what the future holds within the LucasFilm universe. Although the movie definitely scales back some of the plot for future installments, it is still chock full of surprises, lovable characters, and the Star Wars magic that we haven’t experienced in a very long time.

J.J. Abrams revs up the nostalgic factor by not only doing several callbacks to the original trilogy, but but by crafting a storyline that builds and evolves in similar fashion to the original 1977 masterpiece. Without spoiling too much secrets are being pursued, rising evil is threatening the galaxy, and we see heroes coming from unexpected sources--these are all factors coming into play in Episode VII. Force Awakens actually takes off a lot quicker than Episode IV, but the difference is the 2015 revival slows down slightly to allow for more storylines to build (and not always necessarily conclude within the two hour timeframe). Don’t let George Lucas fool you—there were no plans for a sequel back then as A New Hope tossed the entire kitchen sink in terms of budget to give you the most complete riveting experience possible.

The Star Wars tropes are all far too present, and some with upgraded elements: our villain is quite menacing, there is a great cast of characters we wish we could spend more time with, the robotic creatures are lovable every second they are on screen, and of course there is the underrated variety of vehicles and weapons and creatures that we see in the Star Wars universe. Those expecting or hoping for a big deviation might be slightly disappointed. The production value of The Force Awakens was mesmerizing, from the battles to the outstanding cinematography supported by the booming John Williams score. Complementing the art direction is the CGI being kept to an absolute minimum (although the film really should have taken a page from Return of the Jedi and reached out to the Jim Henson Company for a few scenes).

It paces like Star Wars, it looks like Star Wars, and it definitely feels like Star Wars. The Force Awakens has a major element preventing it from becoming the cinematic game-changer Star Wars was back in the 70s: the planned structure technique of Disney. The 1977 gem was layers ahead of the next best-looking film while simultaneously nearly bankrupting everyone around them. It would change the way we see, experience, and film special and visual effects. It was also a fresh new concept that had a wide open door of possibilities—leading to all the extra books and media filling in the structural blanks. Disney is going on a schedule, is going on strict guidelines (More money was spent on budgeting then the film itself if that’s saying anything), leading to less power to the fans (we won’t be seeing dozens of Star Wars books like in the past) and less attempts to ever fully finish the story. Love or hate Disney, they know how to keep a property from becoming stale but profitable.

Can The Force Awakens be a better film? Of course, with more time, less limitations, more actually-completed storylines, and a lack of planning of milking the franchise. But Abrams and company still gives us a very entertaining film that begs multiple viewings to witness the new coming, and skim through all the details and potential clues to where the franchise is heading. Star Wars fans should not be disappointed, especially after what we witnessed during the darkest of times being a fan (The Prequel Trilogy).

The Force Awakens is a dazzling blend of old-school Star Wars magic with new-school thrills and fresh blood that will revitalize the brand throughout the upcoming trilogy and all the spin-offs that follow. Thank you Abrams, thank you Disney, and thanks to all the participated: Star Wars is back and has removed all the stench of the past couple decades. 

The Muzzled Legacy of Kobe Bryant

There are a few awkward legacies that exist within sports, legacies that don’t quite get the full attention that it might deserve for a multitude of reasons. The New York Islanders winning four consecutive Stanley Cups is far less popular of a fact then the two consecutive decades of the Detroit Red Wings entering the playoffs. The 11 rings of Bill Russell and the 10 rings of Yogi Berra are far off the pop culture popularity of Jordan’s 6 rings or Mayweather’s so-called perfect record. The 85 Bears will forever be known for its defense and incredible playoff run---but the 2012 Tampa Bay Buccaneers were just as nasty, just as destructive. And now we have Kobe Bryant, probably the best player this millennium has to offer---buried underneath other players, other incidents, and other champions.

Kobe Bryant is definitely one of the 20 best players of all-time, but just doesn’t quite get that press. I mean, he does get press, but not really the press about his accomplishments and legacy. He never got the LeBron/Jordan press; heck even Shaq seemingly had more attention when the Big Aristotle was with the Lakers. Bryant couldn’t quite shake off the ballhog or teammate-killer status, even though in his later years he needed to be in full control in order for his Lakers to have a shot. And after Jordan finally stopped hogging the limelight, it wouldn’t be too long before we saw the likes of Wade, Carmelo, and LeBron step in (2003 NBA Draft, my goodness, it was that long ago?) and become the new faces of the NBA—with the Malice at the Palace and the Tim Donaghy scandal thrown in between. If Kobe had been a Jazz or a Hornets player, he would be at Tim Duncan level of attention..



And Kobe knows this.



This is why he pushed so hard, so damn long, for one last playoff run. He had 5 rings—right below Jordan. He was 3rd on scoring---below Kareem (another Laker great). Bryant was defiant and so badly wanted that sixth ring and scoring title he was willing to scorch the earth to achieve this. Bryant would destroy relationships with every teammate if he felt that they weren’t going to help him accomplish one last playoff run. Dwight Howard’s time in Los Angeles was a disaster because Bryant never accepted him. Steve Nash’s run in Los Angeles didn’t go well partially because Bryant didn’t like his end-of-career outlook. Kobe knows the only way to brush past the thick walls of the LeBron Era (which would compare James with the older NBA legend Jordan as opposed to Kobe) he needed to absorb that one final elusive ring and take in some records to finally stand out. Kobe threw 20 years of intense labor into the game he loved, and leaves behind a legacy that struggles because of its timing and circumstances.

Kobe Bryant started playing in the Michael Jordan Era, which ran from the late 80s to the early 2000s. Bryant played under Peak Shaq, who dominated the late 90s with his size, personality, and sheer strength. The early 2000s saw the Lakers dominating, but it also came with some boring uninspired NBA basketball (run by the Spurs) that would begin after the NBA on NBC ended. After NBA/NBC, Michael Jordan and the 90s stars started departing, as did the popularity of the league, and the best player at the time (there’s also that rape case that made Kobe look bad….) .

Then in 2003, the NBA changed forever because of the slew of hip, youthful, motivated new stars ranging from LeBron to Wade to Bosh to Carmelo to Dwight Howard (Dwightmare began in 2004). Even with back-to-back rings, Kobe couldn’t quite shake off the more popular stories of the Cavs, Heat, Thunder, and even the Big 3 Boston Celtics. And then came the referee that admitted to tainting games, including the greatest playoff series in the history of the NBA known as the Kings/Lakers Western Conference Finals—which should have ended with the Kings winning the Finals over the Lakers and eventual Nets and altering the entire NBA landscape.

Similar to the criminally underrated Tim Raines, the second-greatest leadoff hitter of all-time, being eternally in the shadows of Rickey Henderson (the greatest leadoff hitter of all-time), Kobe was always in the shadows of other people and other situations throughout his run. He knows that unless he could win 3 without Shaq, 1 without Phil Jackson and the infamous Triangle Offense, and 6 overall, it won’t be enough to certify him as the best of his generation, and among the best since the departure of Michael Jordan.

He needed one more run. One more push. Father Time did not allow this. The ruthless Western Conference wouldn’t allow this. And now we have a man breaking apart in front of us on his final season—a slow goodbye that is painful to watch because it won’t have the happy ending that he deserves after all his hard work and dedication. Perhaps down the road we will give Kobe his “era” much like how Jordan got his, the Bad Boys got theirs, the Celtics/Lakers got theirs, and LeBron would also have his. As of now, we are witnessing the last season of a great player that is one of the last links to the awesome 90s NBA period. Nothing more, nothing less.



Take care, Kobe.

The Doomsday Trailer that Killed Batman vs. Superman

(I would put spoiler alert, but....its in the stinkin' movie trailer....)






This is how you destroy momentum, by delivering what is probably the worst movie trailer in the last decade. And I honestly mean that, from the bottom of my heart. It ruined every single bit of excitement that had been delivered from the first trailer, it revealed the entire plot, and showed off so much that we weren’t thirsty for more---unlike the Civil War trailer (Yea, I had to throw in a Marvel reference).

Many revelations could have been kept as a nice surprise for when the movie actually comes out—which included Lex Luthor jumping in on the tense Wayne/Kent conversation, Batman and Superman eventually joining forces, Doomsday making an appearance, and Wonder Woman stepping in to help the other heroes. The entire storyline of this film has been spoiled to no end in the already-lengthy 3 minute trailer.

Now we know what Lex is up to. Now we know this Lex Luthor resembles very little of the villain we all know (Jesse Eisenberg needs more of his Social Network banter and edge). Now we know that the climax won’t be the Superman/Batman fight (when it really, really should). Now we know Superman figures out who Batman is. Now we know how Doomsday came about. Now we know that Wonder Woman will also be battling at the climax. We’ve just seen so much. We’ve seen too much. And it has left very little to the imagination to debate, to ponder, or really do much of anything before May rolls around and we see the surprise-free film. The movie shifted from a great-looking film with two superheroes that operate very differently, to an overbloated DC project that is merely using the brand names to sell tickets.

I have no idea why DC and Warner Brothers thought that a second 3-minute trailer would do anything but harm to the mystique and intrigue of the Superman vs. Batman premise. I have no idea why they thought this footage would have a chance at matching the far-superior Civil War trailer. It was too long, too stretched out, revealed far too much, and lacked the epic feel of the first teaser that actually gave DC and comic book fans some hope that there would be some redemption for the final act of Man of Steel and Dark Knight Rises (you know it to be true).

This will be known as the trailer that killed Batman vs. Superman, and only further pushed Marvel’s grip on all things comic books---including television (Agents of Shield, Jessica Jones and Daredevil are creeping closer to DC’s entourage of television shows).



DC, get your act together.

The Flukeless Relentless Run of the 2015 Warriors

Before you start reading, start playing the song “Seek and Destroy” by Metallica.



Now you are ready.





The Golden State Warriors of 2015-2016 just might ultimately become the greatest basketball team since the 95-96 Bulls---a team that notoriously bulldozed the nasty Eastern Conference on their way to an easy Finals win (along the way eliminating the greatest Magic and Sonics teams ever assembled) . Using a crazy concoction of ridiculous shooting, small size, jaded speed, annoying defense, and a relentless approach to shove down as many points down your throat as possible, the Warriors of today are playing lights-out basketball (winning by an AVERAGE of double-digits a game) and it has become a beauty to see. Also adding to the mix is the new-age NBA which allows for a team like the Warriors to actually survive.

Let’s start with what the Warriors are doing. Steph Curry took the words of “they got lucky” to the chest and has unleashed a start that easily makes him the best player in the NBA, running the best team in the planet. MVP numbers, MVP leadership (do remember that they don’t even have their coach yet), and dazzling plays have ignited the Bay Area and the rising bandwagon fanbase that enjoys watching this team play and run circles around everyone. Iguodala would be a starter on half the lineups in the NBA, yet plays off the bench—which shows the depth of their offense. Four players have a PER of at least 18—and Klay Thompson is just starting to get better. They are on top in every offensive category—and then achieve being in the top 10 in rebounds, steals, blocks, and forced turnovers. Even crazier is that the team is built to last, as their leads get so massive and there are so many players with the potential to take over, their best player can sit out the 4th quarter and not miss a single beat.

Their defense is their only slight flaw (is it even a flaw if they haven’t won?), as they are 11th in the league in points allowed. But scoring 115 points per game is ridiculous, and will cover any holes you might find in their lineup. Their formula has no weakness, even if they sacrifice defense. Playing a small lineup allows them to run the ball, and dictate the pace. Using big men lineups is the only way to even have a chance, but they better have some speed in their system otherwise the Warriors will just wear you out---which is how the Grizzlies and Cavaliers managed to lose so many in a row back in the 2015 Playoffs when it looked like they had control.

That being said, this new-age NBA allows for teams like this to explode out the game and thrive. Back in the 90s, if you didn’t have a successful and powerful big man you were in trouble—unless you had a Michael Jordan to cover for that loss. Back then, it was physical, tough, aggressive, nasty, and cutthroat from the first minute to the last. This type of rough basketball created the popular rivalries of peak-NBA: Knicks/Bulls, Knicks/Heat, Knicks/Pacers (notice a trend?), Celtics/Lakers, Pistons/Bulls, and the notable rivalry period would end with the Lakers/Kings and Pistons/Pacers.

Nowadays we pretend like there are rivalries, but the results are too one-sided to earn the word (LeBron/Bulls, Clippers/Warriors, Warriors/Grizzlies). The point is, the competition was fierce because the talent pool was deep and better distributed, and also because hand checks and hard fouls were allowed without an eyebrow being raised. 2014-2016 Warriors would die in the 90s; that is guaranteed. So they have a slight stroke of fortune there.

No more takeaways however, as this year currently belongs to the Warriors and this might carry on all the way through June unless other teams start stepping up. The Spurs will do their yearly coasting, without attempting to win every game. The Cavs will remain a threat, although LeBron James this season shocked me by benching himself in the middle of the game---which is inexcusable lack of leadership. The Cavaliers look like they are laboring through the season, while the Warriors just look like playground boys having tons of fun. Does anyone else in the NBA even look like they have a shot? The two major similarities between this Golden State squad and the eternal 96 Bulls is that each team had the best player in the world, and that they want to win every single game regardless of standings, importance of game, and who they are playing.

Golden State has the drive and talent to break the winning streak record, and potentially even the regular season wins record. Whether or not they plan on easing the pedals after the (expected) clinching of a playoff spot will be revealed with time, but for now I can only see the Spurs and maybe the Thunder (if they can get past the free agency drama among other things) standing in the way of their second straight title. This much is certain: the Warriors are mad, very mad; they have proven that they aren’t a fluke, and are edging closer towards a few records while solidifying itself as the team that is leagues ahead of everyone else.




No luck here. Beware the Warriors. Seriously.

Why ISIS is Winning (and How to Defeat Them)

It is sickening what is happening. And no, I am not discussing the massacre at Paris, despite how awful that truly was. 

(And before I drift too far, I bought items to donate to the memorial happening on the French Pavilion at Epcot the other day. If you live close by I recommend you do the same. Also dedicated a music playlist to France during a shift at work. No city deserves what Paris has gone through in 2015)



I’m discussing the aftermath.



The bigotry, stupidity, racism, and Islamophobia that has regurgitated after the awful attack is why ISIS is currently winning. That’s right, we are losing the war against them because of our actions. I honestly mean that. If we get more attacks, it will be partially because we have not done the right things to combat the terrorism. Not yet. Guess what, peace and care will destroy this organization far faster than just throwing more bombs towards their area (fighting violence with more violence just doesn't work) and ultimately also taking out innocent lives in the process. If we are more open and accepting of other cultures, then we wouldn’t have hordes of people suffering so much that they feel the only solution is to retreat to an obviously evil organization and participate in spreading its violence.

If just 1% of the 1.5 billion Muslims were radicals and terrorists, then we’d all be dead. We need to stop pretending like ISIS has any connection towards the religion; it’s so far from the truth I am upset at even acknowledging the rumor. I am upset that we still don’t understand the concept of terrorism not knowing any religion—it’s just a ploy to make us scared and guess what, it’s working.

Whenever you spread vile hatred towards Muslims, you are participating with ISIS. Whenever you start treating Muslims different or start viewing them different, you are part of ISIS. When you are denying Muslims access to your land just because of the awfully silly fear of them turning on you, you are helping ISIS. Whenever you attach the religion to the terrorist attacks that have occurred over the years, you are helping ISIS. When you participate and accept the refusal of people in need of help, you are helping ISIS. When you are claiming that bringing in refugees, even little children, from Syria because it’s close to the combat zone, you are still helping ISIS.

That picture from the beginning of this article, is that of a woman in Syria, probably pondering why despite over 160,000 being killed and thousands of buildings being rocked to the ground, we are still debating as to whether or not we should help.

ISIS is formed and maintained because of the deep pockets of racism and phobias that unfortunately still exist. Since 9/11, the American outlook of Muslims has been overall horrendous. People have been killed because they associate with the Muslim religion. Mosques have been burned to the ground because of merely existing. As I am typing this, a woman in Toronto was attacked because she was wearing a hijab. All she was doing was waiting for her kids to get off of school. And guess what, hundreds more will die in the Middle East and Africa as ISIS continues pounding cities full of innocent people---while crappy states like Alabama will continue their attempts to block any semblance of help. 




If these so-called radicals are anti-Christian, then why attack totally random groups of people? Wouldn’t it make more sense for people starting a religious war to target certain people specifically? I can assure you many Muslims were killed and affected in the Paris attack. And just like what happened back in January, Muslims also helped save lives in the midst of all the violence. Do some reading, the stories are indeed there. Billions of Muslims exist all over the Earth, and for the most part, the 99.9% of them are wonderful people that is part of the population in the Middle East that needs our help.

There’s no way I see terror in the eyes of my current neighbors, which is a very kind Muslim family with beautiful children that has delivered nothing but smiles whenever we greet each other. And the other reason why the Muslim/ISIS connection has been so strong, it’s because unfortunately the group has been quite successful and organized in recent times. While the Westboro Church, KKK, Neo-Nazis and even Al-Qaeda has fallen in respect despite being similar in religious hatred tone, ISIS has risen the global fear charts with its demonic and particular way of spreading the horror.

The United States was founded by people escaping the nonsense brewing in England back in the 1600s, back when kings and churches were wildly out of control in power. And for centuries we have had different waves of people from all over the world escape their origins and their cultures to enter here and establish a new life of their own. I am a descendant of an escape from my beautiful country when it was going through a very nasty point that is rarely discussed outside the island. Back in the mid-20th century the Dominican Republic engaged in a civil war that followed decades of dictatorship that reached such an alarming level the United States got involved. Almost every person you see in the United States has a family history that involves escaping or leaving a rough situation and winding up in North American soil.

The United States was founded on refugees. So why are we denying this opportunity to others just because of where they are from, how they look, and what supposed violence they might bring? Not doing the right thing because of a specky smidge of a chance of a backlash is cowardly.

Would you stop sending your kid to school because of the chance of a school shooting? Will you stop purchasing food because of the chance that you won’t like it? Will you stop going to baseball games because of the chance that you will get hit by a fly ball? The pre-emptive action of not helping because of what might happen is punishing millions of people, making them guilty only by association. You’d think a nation that believes in innocent until proven guilty would know better, right?



I have been arguing about this for the past several days, and it’s honestly made me sick to my stomach how cold people can be. You are shutting the gates to people escaping the bulls of oppression, poverty, grimness, violence, and death. The United States should be open to receiving anyone that is willing to start all over, start a new life, and contribute to the American society. There are thousands of great people just looking for a chance, just looking for that light to the end of the tunnel. Are we really going to deny them that opportunity just because of a few bad seeds that have decided to end their lives on a cowardly and murderous note?

When you coward and hide, ISIS wins. When you discriminate, ISIS wins. When you ban people from entering your land because of whatever reason, ISIS wins. We can’t let this keep happening. We can’t let any type of minority feel oppressed just because of the color of their skin, and the name of their God. Ice Cube is Muslim, so is Shaq and Dave Chappelle. Do you see terrorists in them? No, because you know them, you’ve seen them, you’ve spent time with them indirectly through music, sports, and television. Perhaps if we spent more time knowing the people trying to run to us, perhaps if we spend time acknowledging and trying to actually learn more about the second-largest and fastest-growing religion in the entire planet, then we would be more open-minded about the concept and about the people that follow the teachings of Allah. But we have to be willing to make that step, make that effort, make the commitment to treat everyone equally, to accept everyone equally, and realize that no one religion causes the terrorism, but instead it’s the lowest of the low that decide to take lives for no logical reason. I don’t associate the folks behind 9/11, the Paris shooting, and the Madrid bombing with anything except evil.

If you want to continue claiming that the United States is first and foremost a Christian nation (or a free nation in general), then start behaving like one. And it’s not just the Muslims escaping the war zone, it’s not just people from Syria---which by the way has 2.5 million Christians also in need of escaping. I’m also talking about people from Pakistan, Iraq, Iran, Egypt, Mexico, Russia, Kenya, Rwanda and any other place experiencing some harsh times. I'm not saying that I've personally have done everything I can to help, but I do donate weekly to charity, and with me writing this I can hopefully change your mind on the subject. I want you to reconsider. I definitely don't have all the answers on how to help and how to successfully perform the action of the transferring of refugees, but I am making that faithful first step by stepping up and exclaiming that we must do something. This is not a burden or potential for danger---opening our borders to help is simply the right thing to do. Remember that dictator on the Dominican Republic? Even he knew the importance of cultural diversity, acceptance, and reaching out to help others in need when he opened up his island to people escaping World War II and other wars. In modern day Dominican Republic, there's actually a Chinatown in the capital city. The anti-Haitianness of Trujillo's rule will be a discussion for another day...

We need to help each other. We need to stop being selfish. We need to worry about others just as much as we worry ourselves. The United States despite what people might tell you, is doing quite well financially and as a global power. Not saying the country is perfect (The pockets of racism that popped up all over the United States under the Obama years is alarming), but it is far stronger a nation than most. Other nations are less fortunate. Instead of handing out bombs, we should reach out our hands, and help our neighbors. We need to work together, face the fear, face the terrorism, and keep our heads up and rise against the oppression, and rise against ISIS. But as long as we remain toxic on the mere concept of just helping people outside our borders, we will continue allowing ISIS to rule and reign on our consciousness. 


Be better. Seriously. All of you, be better.

The Peanuts Movie: 9/10

The Peanuts Movie is just like a puppy: adorable, irresistible, charming, and absolutely worthy despite any flaws it may or may not present. This extremely well-made movie does exactly what adaptations should do: be very faithful regardless of current audience, keep it very close to the source, don’t try to spice it up with unnecessary additions, and do plenty of callbacks to the original work. Blue Sky does an absolutely phenomenal job transforming the world of Schultz into the computer-animated-obsessed cinematic world we see today. This is the best Blue Sky has released since the also-faithful Horton Hears a Who and one of the best films of the entire year. Seriously.

Peanuts has been so embedded in American society that we forget how groundbreaking and how seriously funny the original comic strip was. What Winnie the Pooh is to Disney, Peanuts was to the newspaper---a reliable source of entertainment and harmless beauty. Side-Note: Disney’s 2011 Winnie the Pooh revival was criminally underrated. Transforming Peanuts successfully requires tons of research and special care since Schultz and most of the magical staff behind the specials and movies are no longer with us unfortunately.

The details is what makes The Peanuts Movie phenomenal. The more you loved the comic strips, the more you’ll appreciate the effort. From the art style to the running jokes (Curse you Red Baron!!!) to the fact that the Red-Haired Girl never reveals her name so we can all relate to our childhood crushes, to even the fact that they recycled the sound clips of Snoopy, Steve Martino (delicately directing this with lots of care) and company continue carrying the torch behind one of the most beloved groups of children in the history of cartoons. Peanuts Movie also doesn’t even try to sneak in any adult humor: it sticks to the kids and the kids-at-heart, as well as those that grew up watching the delightful specials. The art style alone throws you right back to the first time you saw A Charlie Brown Christmas. 

Charlie Brown is still a wonderful relatable boy, despite his social insecurities and bad luck. Snoopy is still that trustworthy best friend despite his eccentricity. Linus, Sally, Schroeder, Peppermint Patty, Woodstock, and the rest of the gang all don’t skip a beat despite it being nearly four decades since the last movie, and years since the last special. The plot never thickens or gets deep, it never outstays its welcome, and never loses the tight focus on Charlie Brown/Snoopy while simultaneously giving the other kids their moments to shine. It’s a miracle that they found a cast that matched the voices of the predecessors so well. The fact that there is not a single adult seen (or coherently heard) is a perfectly executed idea that adds to the childhood innocence tone of the film.

You can nitpick and (try to) find some flaws, but I was far too busy smiling at the perfect art style and the light humor that decorated the carefree 88 minutes. I was far too busy rooting for Charlie Brown to finally have his moment. And lastly, I was far too busy enjoying the wild imagination of Snoopy and Woodstock as they take on their version of World War I. Fast, yet harmless and irresistible, The Peanuts Movie will appeal, delight, entertain, and cheer up anybody that decides to give it a chance.

Charles M. Schultz would be extremely proud.

Spectre: 5/10

James Bond suffers from the Simpsons Syndrome: its biggest enemy is its collectively stellar past, and its refusal to attempt to shake things up often (ironically, the beginning of the end of the Simpsons was a poorly-done shakeup involving the death of Maude Flanders). Bond has been exploring beautiful places and wooing beautiful women for decades, so when the formula gets stale it really meanders deep into the production. However when the franchise flips the switch and alters things while still sticking to the roots, we get cinematic gold. Goldeneye, Casino Royale, and Skyfall are the best of Bond within the past 25 years, and it’s for those reasons. Spectre unfortunately fails to attempt anything groundbreaking.

Daniel Craig is still fantastic. The cinematography is still top-notch. The directing (when the budget and script allows) is quite good. Waltz and Bautista were great adversaries (but with very little material). But underneath that, we have a Bond movie that struggles to live up to recent adventures. We have a Bond villain that doesn’t quite match up to sinister folks of the past. We have a series of locales that had been explored before. And lastly, the producers should have known better then to not bring back Adele after her Skyfall song became the best Bond theme since the 70s. Sam Smith had no chance.

What hurts even more is that the beginning was phenomenal, from the opening shot to the opening action sequence that follows. And just like Skyfall, it was so good that the rest of the movie struggled to truly catch up. What instead follows is a more realistic and grounded approach to the expected and familiar Bond formula; and to be honest it used to be effective but the competition of your exotic action movies in European territory has increased significantly---Jason Bourne, Mission: Impossible, and even the revived Fast and the Furious series. Making the movie a rough 150 minutes doesn’t help at all either; it even felt like the budget ran out towards the end.

The grounded formula was a shake-up to the Bond clichés, but by the end of all this you’ll be clamoring to bring these clichés back. You want the entourage of gorgeous vehicles back (as opposed to several helicopter scenes), you want the outlandish villain back (Give me more 1960s Spectre please), and you want the clever gadgets back. As a matter of fact, I want the cool and calm spy back. In Spectre, they cringingly kept referring to him as an assassin—never a spy. It’s a slight dialogue mishap but it speaks layers as to what we are currently seeing from MGM’s final moneymaker. Remove Bond from the equation and you have a decent summer assassin flick. But as a Bond movie that has seen so many precious films and delightful moments---the past harms the quality.

This is the weakest Bond since Die Another Day, another Bond movie that was ruined because it became too formulaic and frayed far from what we saw in the first act. The movie isn’t a dismal failure, nor is it a total sequel disaster to the likes of Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Yep, went there). The Bond recipe is all here, but it’s been diluted by too much filler and not enough flavor. Trying to connect the recent Bond movies together also didn’t help its chances---James Bond wasn’t meant for continuity because they can never add up no matter how hard you try. Spectre went through four writers, and the result was still messy.

Don’t expect peak Connery/Craig Bond, expect more along the lines of late 70s Roger Moore Bond---when it was obvious that change was needed. Perhaps they’ve run out of ideas with Daniel Craig and Sam Mendes. Perhaps more time is needed between Bond movies (the three great Bond flicks I mentioned had many years between installments). It might be time for that shake-up again. I wonder if Tarantino is still interested…

The Delayed Start of the 2015-2016 NFL Season

This NFL season has slightly dragged, hasn’t it?

Want to know why? Because it’s pointless. The season has not actually started. It does not matter what the record of your team is. It does not matter if your team is winning the division. Guess what, your season still has not started. Not for the Packers, which have compiled an impressive 6-0 record. Not for the Broncos, which have benefited from a mix of luck and being in a piss-poor division. Not for the Panthers, Jets, Steelers, or even the sneaky-good Bengals. And especially not for my Dolphins, who always finds a way to let me down.

Until the New England Patriots loses a game this season, it will not matter. The best team in the entire league can have an awful game and still manage to score 34 on the road. The best team in the entire league is second in yards per game and first in points per game. Brady is among the best in touchdowns, yards, and total rating. They have scored 104 points in their three road games. They can find multiple ways to beat you, sometimes destroy you (R.I.P. Jacksonville). Although they aren’t as offensively flashy as The Greatest Show on Turf, Peak Drew Brees Saints, or even the 2007 Patriots, nor are they as defensively destructive as Peak Gruden Bucs, 2000 Ravens, or 85 Bears, there’s a strong chance this team will walk away undefeated.

That’s right, the Patriots might win every game this season, and truly shove it to the faces of the NFL executives and Goodell. As a matter of fact I predict that the Patriots just might end 16-0 with just one or two true close scares.

There is only one truly tough game in their radar: going to New York to take on the darn Giants---the one thorn on their side. The New York Giants is the main reason why Brady isn’t wearing 6 rings. If they manage to shake off this demon and win on the road against a hostile and hopeful crowd (the fans know the Giants are a couple plays away from being a 5-1 team), then nothing will stop Brady and Friends.

The Jets? Please. The Dolphins? Nope. The Eagles? Only if Tebow was involved. The Old as Sin Denver Broncos? Not a chance. The Patriots’ biggest enemy is themselves, they can beat themselves in times when the opposing team can just tremble in fear. Did we see the awful attempt at a fake punt in the Patriots/Colts not-as-close-as-it-sounded game? That was a team throwing desperate shade to try to thwart what has become the scariest and edgiest team in the NFL. And it’s not only diluting the overall product of the NFL, but really has kept the league bottled up, waiting for them to mess up so the floodgates can open and other teams can throw their towel into the ring of Best Team.

Look at all the teams the Patriots beat last season en route to the Super Bowl. The Seahawks are shoddy and can’t protect the fourth quarter. The Colts lead their division-----with a 3-3 record and the Jaguars on their backs. And let’s not forget the Ravens, a team that dipped south so badly we forgot they were a trick play away from beating the Patriots. Baltimore is secretly immensely suffering, but since this season remains irrelevant nobody really cares. No team has improved themselves to a point in which fans, analysts, critics, and diehards truly feel like they are neck and neck against the champs.





The season begins, and there will actually be hope ONLY when the Patriots lose their first game. Until then, absolutely no point watching.

Jafar: The Best of the Disney Villains

Aladdin is finally getting that blu-ray release in the United States. Several years late, but at least it’s actually happening. Aladdin as my better friends know is an animated masterpiece I hold high and mighty and rank it as among the best Disney has ever released. In my latest rankings, it’s the fourth best Disney animated movie of all-time. The music, the humor, the characters, the action----it was all perfect. It had peak Disney Renaissance quality and peak Robin Williams mixed in for good measure. But we aren’t here to talk about Aladdin, we are here to discuss the most underrated aspect of the film.






Jafar, the all-time champ for best Disney villain.

Oh yea, better than Maleficent, Gaston, Hades, Frollo, Man, and everyone else you can throw into this conversation.

Before we even get to meet Aladdin, we see Jafar in the middle of the desert in the middle of the night. No backstory required, we already know he is bad news---especially while waiting for a murderer doing his dirty work. Who knows how many people he has killed on his way to being in that moment at that point of time? And after the “humble thief” gets buried in front of Jafar, he’s just upset because the victim wasn’t worthy of entering the cage. No remorse, no sadness, back to the business of trying to achieve his goal.

Unlike most of your villains that just slouch around and get upset over things (Ursula, just what were you doing all this time?), Jafar has clearly worked his way to the top. Becoming the sultan’s top adviser with leader-like powers (ordering Aladdin’s arrest? That’s some power) without a family connection must have taken years upon years. Want more evidence? Who could possibly have had the time to build an underground lair underneath the palace? Jafar is not after lots of money, he’s after the sultan’s throne, and position of power. And he was as far as he could possibly go without the help of some magic.

The man is absolutely driven, and was willing to take down anyone that could be a roadblock. Aladdin helps him out by entering the cave later in the movie and barely surviving by the skin of his teeth. Yet after Aladdin gives him the lamp in the midst of the collapsing cavern, Jafar was still willing to kill him—despite Aladdin never really being a genuine threat. He tries to stab him, then throws him into the cave and towards his intended death---along with Abu (that monster!) And of course, instead of remorse over potentially murdering yet another man, he’s upset because he lost the lamp.

As a matter of fact, Jafar nearly killed our hero five times: stabbing, throwing into cave, drowning, shipping him off into God-knows-where, and lastly in the final battle. If it weren’t some ingenuity and Aladdin’s friends, the story would have definitely ended sooner. Of course it’s a Disney movie and happy endings are always guaranteed----except for Fox and the Hound (I’m still not over it). Nonetheless, “How many times do I have to kill you, boy!!” is hands-down the best villain line Disney has ever created. In Aladdin, Jafar was always lurking in the shadows, which makes him a bona-fide threat at all times.

Jafar is the only Disney villain to actually have a good share of success before his eventual defeat (Nobody mention Scar, did he honestly better his situation? Not really, they were all going to soon die of starvation). He did indeed achieve the goal of being sultan, made Jasmine a sex slave, became a sorcerer, and even the most powerful genie in the universe (that last part was short-lived). Jafar is also one of the few villains to actually have an awesome sidekick, as Iago is no slouch either.





Oh yea, he also turns into a freakin’ snake. I’m done.

Predicting the 2015 MLB Playoffs (Trying To)

Predicting the baseball playoffs is absolutely next to impossible.



The talent pool is so deep, and to be honest every team in the postseason has a legitimate shot. In the American League, we can argue for the experience of the Yankees, the youthful energy of the Astros, the high energy of the Royals, the offensive juggernaut known as the Blue Jays, and the diet coke version of the Jays known as the Rangers. Each of them can make some serious noise.

Then there’s the even crazier National League. Do you pick the youthful and deep Mets? The German-like machine known as the Cardinals? The Dead Sea depth of the Pirates? The addicting youth of the Cubs? Or the microscopic ERA of the Dodgers? Unlike other leagues, every team that enters the postseason truly earns it, and 2015 is a majestic season so chock-full of awesome players it is hard to keep track of it all. For crying out loud, we had a pitcher throw two no-hitters yet not even wind up in Top 3 voting of the Cy Young in his own league. All I do know is expect long series, expect long games, and except a bunch of close games.

Even both Wild Card games might go the distance, even though I see both the Cubs and the Astros escaping by the skin of their teeth. What would I like to see in the World Series? Simple answer: the Blue Jays and the Cubs----give it a great America’s Team vs. Canada’s Team vibe. It would be brute offense against the cleverness of Cubs management. The ratings would be astronomical, even if most of it won’t be acknowledged (Nielsen Ratings don’t count Canadian viewership). But I don’t see either team truly going the distance, both winding up short in the championship series.



My prediction for the 2015 World Series is: The Kansas City Royals vs. The New York Mets.



Overall game is what will drive you in, having one overwhelming strength and trying to downplay the weaknesses will not help out this season. The Royals can pitch, they can steal, they can hit, and have a lights-out bullpen in the later innings when the going gets tough. Couple that with special home field advantage, a likable manager that seems to make all the right moves, and the momentum from the magical 2014 run should be enough to propel them to the Series yet again. They also carry the underdog edge that will be beneficial to the young squad that hasn’t really been respected---leading to some random conflicts early in the season.

The New York Mets have so much pitching they won’t know what to do with it---hell they hardly handled it well back in August when the innings were piling up. Imagine the concept of Matt Harvey being a bullpen pitcher to throw 2-3 innings of lights-out baseball. We also have Colon, Syndergaard, and DeGrom to choose from. Mix that in with a hot Flores, a red-hot Cespedes, sneaky-good Duda, great defense, and the incredible come-from-behind abilities and this makes the Mets arguably the toughest out in the National League---even if they aren’t as deep as the Cardinals and the Pirates.

If I’m wrong, it won’t really be a shock. The Blue Jays are more than capable of stopping the Royals, and the NL Central division alone has three squads with better teams and better records than the Mets. But the Mets got lucky because in the end of the opening round bloodbath, they would only have to deal with one NL Central team. Survive the Dodgers, and throw the kitchen sink against the NLCS opponent—because odds are they will be harder than anything that comes out of the American League. I still don’t really believe in the Cardinals, and I struggle to figure out why exactly. Maybe it’s the lack of star power, maybe it’s the influx of injuries. Every stat will tell you an NL Central team will walk into the World Series---I have a gut feeling that the Mets and their easier road will sneak in.

Back to the American League, the Yankees, Astros, and Rangers just don’t have the depth or the intimidation of the Royals and Blue Jays. The one guarantee I can give you is that the Royals and Blue Jays are going on a 7-game death battle in the ALCS, and it won’t be pretty because of their previous animosity towards each other. Home Field is important, which is why the Royals will triumph…



….and thanks to the All-Star Game (That issue will be discussed another day), this is why they will win the World Series in November. It will require lots of games, lots of innings, and lots of tension. It will be a great mix of fun, frustrating, and intense. At the end of the day, I can see the Royals surviving it all.



But its baseball. I’ll probably be wrong.

Don't Cry For Them Argenti--er, Pittsburgh

Sorry Pirates fans, back to the Wild Card Game your team goes.

And yes, they own the second best record in the National League. Yes they are probably a better team than the Los Angeles Dodgers right now----the Mets being the better squad thanks to free agency. Yes, they are 11-1 against the two teams entering the playoffs above them in seeding. It all seems unfair, no?

Guess what, its baseball, and it’s a sport that thrives on being cruel and unfair. No two strike zones are the same, the rules aren’t always enforced every game, sometimes the ball does absolutely evil things and destroys your game, sometimes you’ll be on an endless losing streak, sometimes an opposing player comes out of nowhere and hits the game-winner, sometimes you’ll do everything right and STILL lose, and sometimes you are in a nasty, nasty division with the most organized franchise in the entire league. The biggest appeal of baseball is that it resembles life: it’s crazy, unpredictable, and it’s not the strongest that survive, it’s the most tolerant and mentally strong that survive. The Pittsburgh Pirates must get over the Wild Card hump and become more tolerant. Especially when always looking up at the St. Louis Cardinals.

Baseball used to be even meaner. The Blue Jays are in the postseason for the first time since 1993. In 1993, the second-best team in ALL of baseball did not even make the playoffs for being underneath the powerful Atlanta Braves. The San Francisco Giants won 103 games, had a lineup that included peak Barry Bonds and Robby Thompson---yet because of the pennant chase rules they had no shot at the postseason because of the way the division was split.

The Pirates at least have an extra second to breathe under the Wild Card format that the Baseball Gods have blessed us. Should it be a best-of-three? That argument is for another day, as I’m sure the equally awesome Chicago Cubs also wouldn’t want their magical season to end on just one game. The point is: in order to reach the top, you have to defeat the king of the mountain. And sorry, but you need to win those division games. The Pirates had a three-game set against the Cardinals and could have been within a single game if they showed up and made some noise. And they were IN Pittsburgh. Losing two of three when the Division Title was on the line is unacceptable. The ball was in your court.

The most underrated aspect of this Wild Card format are those division games which don’t get enough weight in terms of importance. The Pirates are 8-9 against the Cardinals, and 8-11 against the Cubbies. If they had won 75% of those games, they would have been celebrating the division crown. Just winning 2/3rds of their games against the Chicago/St. Louis combo would have wielded them the division. You have tons of opportunities to bring down your rivals on our way to the top, and not just that but also knock them out from playoffs. The last thing you want in the crapshoot of a postseason is a team that recognizes you and has tons of experience against you.

The thing about baseball is that every team in the postseason earned their spot. 162 game season weeds out the lucky teams, and the fake-good teams. The truly best are the ones that always enters the promised land of the playoffs. We would be disrupting a great playoff system and an already-taxing regular season if we start seeding the playoff teams because one division wielded three excellent teams on one particular season. 2015 was an awkward season because one division produced three World Series-caliber teams.

That being said, the Mets are awesome, the Dodgers are great, the Cardinals are elite---and have all earned their crown and playoff berths---and considerable fanfare to potentially represent the National League come World Series time. If the Pirates want to earn the crown and join the elite, they need to beat the king of the NL Central Mountain, there is no other way.





Besides, one way or another, in the postseason you will encounter them….

Back to Square One: The 2015 Tampa Bay Rays Recap

The 2015 Tampa Bay Rays can be summed up in a simple phrase: subtle recovery.



The Rays struggled to make much of an impact in the baseball season after enduring the most disastrous off-season the franchise has ever seen. They lost their gifted GM, and lost someone who can be simply called the best manager in baseball. Joe Maddon’s departure was such a darn shock that the Rays even went after the Cubs to try to coerce a tampering charge. It was a pointless action but was clearly spurned by a scorned and shattered heart. The soul of the Rays, which had become one of the 5 winningest franchises since the new colors, attitude, and name, was stripped away.

But the off-season didn’t end there. It became a fire sale as we moved several of the players that we had locked up for several years. The infield had been signed together for at least four years, only to see them go elsewhere. Longoria remains the last major player from the fateful 2008 season that saw Tampa Bay witness its first trip to the World Series. We lost Myers, who was our Diet Longoria. We lost Yunel Escobar, who was a darn good defensive player with slight batting issues (…who would then enter the Top 5 in batting average in the entire league...).



The fact is, I am sick of writing this year in and year out---totally sick of watching players slip through our fingers and become key players in other teams. I've complained about this for years upon years.



David Price became a bonafide star with the Tigers, and became an even bigger star in Toronto as they finally broke their playoff drought. James Shields may have screwed up by not taking less money and remaining with the Royals, but was a heck of a star in Kansas City during their improbable 2014 run. Scott Kazmir overcame the injuries and is now a reliable starting pitcher out in the American League. And honestly, I can see greatness in Wil Myers if he can squash the injury bug. Sam Fuld is a defensive powerhouse that really could have helped us in 2015. Then there’s Wade Davis, one of the best bullpen arms in the entire league. Similar to the Orlando Magic (another Florida franchise that receives and loses tons of underrated talent), the Tampa Bay Rays has become a revolving door of talent, as we never fight to keep any of these assets, resulting in a nucleus that can never be consistent. Joe Maddon was that consistency, and after he left, dark days became inevitable.

And if anyone questions the quality of Joe Maddon, look at what has happened to the Cubs. The Rays and the Cubs have strong similarities in terms of the average age and experience of their ballplayers in the lineup. Our disappointment isn’t strictly in our young lineup not managing to get past the more experienced squadrons, but instead in witnessing the incredible run of the Chicago Cubs under our ex-manager through very similar circumstances. The Cubs have no place denting the World Series chances of the rising power Pittsburgh Pirates and the powerhouse machine known at the St. Louis Cardinals—yet here they are in the postseason ready to make some noise. Most incredible fact: nearly half their lineup are rookies. 90 wins was not predicted by anybody, not even Maddon.

We lost the consistency, we lost fans, we lost our manager, we lost our general manager, and we lost most of our identity. What on earth is left? To make matters worse, the stadium situation had a lot to do with Maddon’s departure. He loved Tampa Bay, the people, the organization, and the community. There was absolutely no tension in the same-level vicinity. Go higher up the ladder though, and you’ll see a shrinking payroll (which is rather ridiculous considering the depth of talent and surge of money that baseball has happily been receiving), consistent cutting of corners (The David Price Trade comes to mind), and less and less chance of a true future that doesn’t involve the eyesore known as Tropicana Field. And this is a situation that will not be going away.

Across the way we see Montreal practically screaming for their team back. Montreal got baseball-hungry again, Canadians are enjoying baseball more, and the downtown market has become ripe for one. Both 2016 spring training games in Montreal are pretty much sold out already. In the meantime, Tampa Bay has split fandom between the Rays and the Yankees (throw in Phillies, Braves, and Red Sox for good measure), a local government that couldn’t give two craps about the awful stadium situation, and a fanbase growing sick and tired of trying to make the tough drive to the unattractive corner of St. Petersburg---knowing that we have tons of superior options to building a ballpark.

Yes, I have discussed this before as well. But now with the available options shrinking, Pinellas County actually being a target for a Braves Spring Training facility, and even the Commissioner of Major League Baseball quietly announcing his disappointment about the Tropicana Field ridiculousness, time is running out. It’s hard to support a team that changes its lineup every single year. It’s hard to support a team when the stadium is so shoddy and such a hassle to arrive to. It’s hard to support a team when the future remains in constant doubt. This is the ugly circle: few fans means less money which means less star players and less stability to keep a good team intact. But, no good stadium means fewer fans. Something in this vicious cycle has to change. Otherwise, no matter how deep the talent pool is, the Rays will remain one of the least popular teams in baseball (although some can argue that the television ratings say otherwise).

Despite all the grim news and grim outlook, the Rays looked decent and competitive most of the year. We had a strong starting lineup, superb defense, and remained close most of the time. Chris Archer and Matt Moore sometimes looked like the best pitcher in the league, with scattered dominating performances. Longoria is not his 2008-2010 form, but has improved numbers when compared to his disappointing 2014 season (Let’s not forget his consistent superb defense at third base). Kevin Kiermaier doesn’t have much of the offense, but has become arguably the best defensive outfielder in baseball. In July 1st the Rays were just a game back in the division. If the offense and pitching had clicked together as opposed to opposite times, then we’d be looking at a different 2015 season.

The true ugliness happens in the later innings: the Rays up to this point are 2-13 in extra innings, and 25-30 in one-run games. 27-43 in tight games. If the Rays had just won half of those close games then we would be looking at a fight for the Wild Card. If we had won 2/3rds of those games we would be next to the Blue Jays for the division. And the two biggest issues was the bullpen that imploded in the second half, and the lackluster offense. Kevin Cash had a bright idea of never allowing batters to see the starting pitcher a third time, which resulted in surprising success, but ultimately burning out the bullpen when the season went deeper. Boxburger blew several saves and lost 10 games for the Rays, and he personally blamed it on bullpen fatigue, quietly acknowledging and disagreeing with the Cash strategy. Cash also has awkward dependence on certain players; Jake McGee was never used in the 9th inning despite the struggles from the other bullpen players.



(Side Note: The best thing the Rays should do is a 7-starter lineup of pitchers: 6 of them in a rotation and a 7th one hanging out in the bullpen always prepared to go the distance in case the game goes out of control or there is a sudden injury. The Rays organization has a lot of good prospects, and the best way to maintain the young lineup and not overwhelm them is to give them less innings, more rest, and gradually increase the workload. I know, it won’t be easy to just successfully find seven starters, but the Rays have always been a pitch-heavy team, and I think the Mets’ 6-man rotation scheme should be something Tampa Bay should consider.)



Déjà vu: Rays’ offense has always been miserable. Chalk it up to Derek Shelton (every year), chalk it up to not spending on good offensive players, or just chalk it up on the focus being on pitching, the Rays offense has always been lackluster, and once again disappoints this season. With Longoria being the only true known threat, it was easy for AL and NL pitchers to pick apart the lineup with ease. The Cleveland Indians at one point came to Tampa and posted three straight perfect game threats. No MLB lineup should ever be this anemic. We’ve said this for years, it might be time for a new hitting coach.

Ultimately though, the Tampa Bay Rays are an organization with good players, good scouts, and good intentions. But, we can’t rebuild or have a good outlook towards the future until we can establish a firmer fanbase, open up the wallets a little more, actually keep our favorite players, and get that stadium we've been clamoring for since....forever.

We remodeled and retooled the Tampa Bay team back in 2008---it might be time to do it again. We don't have the Joe Maddon magic anymore, and we are still missing that identity that will shape the way the Rays do business, during baseball and outside of baseball. We need the fans to believe again. We need players to actually want to stick around, like Longoria did when he signed his ridiculously long contract extension. We just need a spark, something. 2015 was spent mostly picking up the pieces while simultaneously not simply throw away the pointless season.


Until then, we will be a franchise always barely remaining afloat, but never gunning for the Promised Land of success.



See you boys in 2016.

NBA Playoffs: Less is More

Adam Silver, I like you so far. But there’s still room for improvement of the league you are running.



The NBA has changed things in the playoff format, which is definitely an improvement. Now, even though you win the division it does not guarantee home field advantage. The breaking point may have been the recent Western Conference results, when the Clippers should have nabbed the #2 seed and the Spurs should not have had to drop all the way to #6 below the Blazers (ugh, the Eastern Conference needs to step its game up). The NBA can indeed do this division winner importance assassination without much protest because the scheduling in basketball is nearly identical across the board---resulting in fair play. The NFL could never really do this, because everyone’s schedules are very different, and depend more on the results of the season before.

But we really don’t care because it still doesn’t address the biggest issue: it’s far too long. The NBA Playoffs are far too lengthy. The sport and the league itself doesn’t have the unpredictability factor of the NHL and (especially) MLB, so most of these 7-game series we know who is going to win---and we hardly see upsets. The seeding part is an improvement, but more needs to be done. Even though the internet-popular Top 16 Teams Regardless of Conference idea will never take off (Too radical even in 21st century standards, even if it produces far better basketball), there are a variety of ways to improve the postseason of basketball and make it more bearable and less taxing to watch.

Best-of-5s needs to make a comeback, and in a big way. One of my most bitter NBA fan moments was when the first year that the playoff format expanded. My Orlando Magic was up three games to one against the Pistons----it should have been ours. But the greed of the NBA and the mouth of Tracy McGrady resulted in us losing three straight and not advancing. Not saying we would have won it all that season, but the darn Pistons have had our number for over a decade and this series was the catalyst (4-12 against the Pistons in the NBA Playoffs in the new millennium).

America loves underdog stories, and loves a good upset once in a while to shake up the foundation of the league. When the Nuggets upset the #1-seeded Sonics in 1994, it would trigger a shock that resulted in one of the better franchises of the 90s struggling to get out of the opening round (Nobody remembers they were upset by the Lakers the very next season). We don’t get many upsets anymore, with the Bulls dropping to the 76ers being the gargantuan upset back in 2012---and that only occurred because Chicago lost Derrick Rose in Game 1. A little insanity never, ever hurts, and dipping the first round to a best-of-5 would potentially produce some crazy. Oh dear God, that was three years ago. Dear goodness, the 76ers nearly made it to the Eastern Conference Finals just three years ago…

Hey, want to strum along and get to the good meat of the NBA playoffs quicker? Then Best-of-5 the conference semifinals as well. In here, you’ll have the best cluster of evenly-matched lineups. Usually the 3-6 seeds in both conferences are about even in quality—in this league you usually have 2-4 awesome championship-caliber teams, and then a slew of decent squads that are just a few pieces short from being a true threat. These second-tier teams should be eliminated as quickly as possible. Imagine being able to jam along two rounds of playoff basketball in a mere three weeks. Look at the Cavs’ run: they played their first game in April 19th and lost Game 6 in the Finals on June 16th. Way too much time.

Two rounds of Best-of-5 before hitting the Conference Finals would increase the pressure, would increase the panic, and would increase the stakes. It would give us more surprises, it would give us more insane storylines. The 2015 Brooklyn Nets needed a few surprise wins in order to get New York excited because of the extremely long road ahead and long odds. The NBA is a league far removed from the more competitive 90s, there are only a few franchises nowadays that we all truly know has a shot at the Finals. Even for the 2016 season, we can only really see the Cavs rise up from the Eastern Conference (and maybe, maybe the Atlanta Hawks). Requiring 6 wins instead of 8 wins would make a world of a difference, give more leeway for a shock or two.

The NBA would never drop the amount of games because of potential money lost, but it would increase the quality of the product. The 82-game season debate is for another day, today we should focus on cutting the first two rounds of the playoffs and arriving at the NBA Finals sooner. Three months of playoffs is ridiculous, no matter how much you might argue for its relevance. Chop off a few weeks, and allow for some insanity and panic. Reseeding helps, but more is needed. Reseeding makes the NBA playoffs fair, shortening it makes it crazy.

The $150 Million Dollar Solution For Baseball

Let’s pretend for just a split second that Major League Baseball is sick of Tropicana Field and the crappy situation the Tampa Bay Rays find themselves in. Just for a second, let’s pretend. Now, we all know the story: lease is due in a million years, millions are owed to St. Petersburg for a property that all of Florida knows isn’t worth the price-----not even close.

What if MLB helps pick up the tab? What if each team (including the Rays) fork over 5 million? Just 5 million. I mean, it’s a lot in normal people terms, but in sports franchises terms that’s pocket change. Major League Baseball is worth 36 billion, with half of its franchises now worth over a billion remarkably. So much for “baseball is dead” eh? Even the Tampa Bay Rays, in the lower end of the spectrum is worth at least $500 million because of high television ratings and good merchandise sales. MLB can generate around $150 million in a span of a month and be able to immediately rid Tampa off of the Tropicana Field shackles.

Alright, I know there has to be more legal ramifications around the Tropicana Field deal. But money talks and $150 million to St. Petersburg would be a very loud “LET THEM FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO PLAY.” This money would more than cover the remaining costs of the giant refrigerator that has ranked last in MLB attendance in the past several years (even losing out to the Miami Marlins, which is located in a sexy city with tons of other options and with a terrible owner to boot). This is a way to see what the city politicians really feel about the team: do they really care about the team, or just care about getting covered for the building? Would they miss the Rays at all? Or is this just a city pulling money in an obviously-crappy situation?

Deal talks have died and stalled for years, with the city just flat-out refusing the Rays even a chance to look around. One of the bigger subtle stories is the meteoric rise of Montreal Baseball and how the Rays changing uniforms would be absolutely perfect for the league---even if expansion should be the true blue solution. The Montreal RayExpos would be lodged in the American League East with the Yankees, Red Sox, and Blue Jays. MLB is not stupid, they can see the oodles of money signs, even if it would mean breaking the hearts of people in Central Florida (which clearly have no indication of feeling a connection with the South Beach vibe and teams located within its confides). But this isn’t about Montreal, this is about how baseball can pick up the tab (excruciating left field idea, just letting you all know) to remove one of the few remaining scabs in an otherwise very successful league going through a subtle quality renaissance.

Of course, with all the money around, this is indeed very do-able. The issue is whether or not other teams are willing to participate in something that doesn’t affect them (that is, except for the few games they are stuck in Tampa Bay). You can waive the revenue sharing, but then the lower-tier teams would complain about not getting the extra dough. You can waive the luxury tax, but this would only affect the heavy spenders like the Dodgers, Red Sox, Angels, and Yankees. You can waive the International Player tax usually imposed on the teams, but that would also create an issue as teams like the ones I mentioned would benefit the most. They could be reimbursed in intervals for the next decade after the new stadium is found/built/celebrated, but I doubt the Rays would enjoy the concept of slowly paying back 29 teams for a generation.

The only way this would work is if all teams collectively agree that the $5 million spent on the Rays is justified and would improve the league overall. Unfortunately, I don’t see happening in a long shot, but the point of this article is to point out that it is mathematically viable to solve the awful issue that has been plaguing Florida baseball for the past decade. If pockets would open, then we would be one step closer to making the league an overall happier place.



Now, about that Athletics stadium issue…………………..

Offense and Revenge: The Two Main Storylines of the 2015 NFL Season

Back in 2014, I had said that the NFC winner would win the Super Bowl, most likely out of the NFC West. I was predicting a bloodbath between the Seahawks and the 49ers, the top rivalry that was brewing in the NFL. They dislike each other almost as badly as the Ravens/Patriots grudge match, and thought that whomever survived would win it all. The Seahawks were a bonehead decision away from becoming back-to-back champs. I am positive that they are just itching to return to finish the job, getting that second Super Bowl ring.



But this will not be their year. Not this time.



We have two major storylines developing this season that creates the two teams we will see in the 2016 Super Bowl. Both tales are boldly different, arguably opposite. On the NFC side, we will see the Seahawks handedly take over the NFC West as the Cardinals will struggle matching last season’s magic, the 49ers will fall in flames, and the Rams will…well, not really contribute. The Panthers will repeat as champs, continuing the momentum from last year’s surprisingly lengthy run. The Packers will also repeat, as a furious Aaron Rodgers (who should have been in the Super Bowl last season) shall be seen hurling bombs all year long to get back to the same spot.

In case you haven’t noticed, a lot of revenge storylines are developing in the NFC: the Cowboys, Lions, Packers, and especially the Seahawks all feel hosed and feel like they should have gone further. The SpyGate controversy engulfs the fact that the Lions got horrifically screwed in their playoff game, the Cowboys got wrecked because of a stupid rule (it WAS the right call, contrary to what you are led to believe), the Packers caused the biggest collapse in recent NFL history, and the Seahawks…we all know what occurred on that fateful night. P.S. It was a terrible call mixed with a ballsy move by Belichick for not calling the timeout we were all expecting. Back to topic. The NFC will not be won by any of these teams though.

The true revenge story belongs to Tom Brady and the New England Patriots in the AFC. They are pissed, even if they won it all. DeflateGate has ruined all happy feelings experienced in the Northeast as they watch their legendary quarterback have to go to court to defend his reputation and prevent a suspension. We are seeing a furious head coach, constantly accused of cheating, suddenly having his legacy questioned yet again by the NFL, by the fans, and of course by the rival teams. Ravens are still salty at that trick play…

Expect the Patriots to scream through the AFC, taking down everything in its path. The Colts (which will win their division), Ravens (winning in a tight division), Steelers, and Chargers (whom I predict will be neck-in-neck with the reeling Broncos) will fall very quickly and swiftly to the Belichick Machine. It won’t be pretty in the least bit. Reggie Wayne joining the Patriots alongside a mostly-intact staff and a bloodthirsty Brady? I am Dolphins nation all the way, and I think we might even hit 10 wins (despite the nasty scheduling ending of Chargers/Colts/Patriots). But the Patriots will win at LEAST 12 to stick it to Roger, stick it to the NFL, and stick it to the haters. The last thing you need is to give them motivation.



Patriots will march to the Bowl. Want to know who is joining them?






Philadelphia Eagles.





Yes, the Eagles. I am not kidding. Chip Kelly and its sneaky-deep lineup of offensive weapons is going to march in an inconsistent division. Bradford will be healthy, will be well-protected, and is going to run a devastating offense that is going to wear you out. And then there’s the sheer potential of tricks up their sleeve. And of course, we can’t forget the main factor in all this:






TEBOW!

The Eagles will run circles around everyone using the innovative and fast-paced Kelly offense, and Tebow has FINALLY found a team that will adjust well to his style of play. Even if Tebow won’t be front and center, he will remain a vital part with leadership, optimism, and a great aura that will resonate throughout the staff and the season. Similar to the Alex Smith/Colin Kaepernick situation, Sam Bradford is an improved version of Nick Foles and could propel them to go quite far.

Yes, the Eagles is most definitely not the popular choice. But their quarterback staff is actually quite deep, and add all the offensive options and Chip Kelly’s innovative style of play, and this could spell greatness for Philly, and bad news for everyone else. Kelly is 46-7 in college, 20-12 in his first two pro seasons with a lesser lineup in a tough division----without much of a defense too. He is due for a special NFL season, and I predict that this will be it. I am standing by my Eagles/Patriots Super Bowl matchup.

God is now an Eagles fan. Never bet against God.



But that is my pick, posted here for all to see and criticize, especially if I am way off.


Go Dolphins!!!

When I become President

I am running for president. If Donald Trump can run and actually earn some support despite the racism, bigotry, misogamy, and absolute idiotic behavior, then I surely have a chance. I will be running as independent, not republican (because this party has gotten ugly) not democrat (because I fear for what will happen to this party post-Obama). Green Party, Whig, Florida Party, whatever. I’m still running as independent, the party name I will choose later.

In this article announcing my presidency, I will be simple and brief with a variety of topics plaguing me. If you are in agreeance with my stances on things, support me. Send me money. Otherwise, go away.



Vote Malespin.




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Highways
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Make me president, and I assure you that every single major highway in every major state will be 7 lanes. It’s time to eliminate traffic, it’s time for all Netflix/Amazon/UPS deliveries to arrive on time without issue and without excuses. To make things better, the two left lanes will have no speed limit. Let’s be honest, we all break the speed limit, so why even enforce it on all the lanes? Similar to the Autobahn in Germany, we will have lanes designed for you to go whatever speed you desire.

Catch: If you cause an accident, you lose your license for 7 years. If you are DUI in these highways, you will never have your license back. Makes the roads safer, and will allow more jobs involving buses.

P.S. After age 70, we will assign you a driver for the rest of your life. This is to make it safe for EVERYBODY.

Vote Malespin.


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Farmer Life
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If I am president, I will solve the food production issues by offering full tax exemptions to all farmers of America. Become an official farmer, and grow enough crops, and you won’t have to pay taxes throughout the year. We need more incentives for people to work these difficult, difficult jobs in helping feed America. Very simple.

P.S. I want to see Florida grow more types of crops, it has the land. I want Florida to be the top mango-producing state in the nation.


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Healthy Living
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Alright, here’s the biggest problem in trying to eat healthy: it is so freakin’ expensive. Orange juice, especially in Florida, should never be more than $6 a gallon. Seriously. Supermarkets secretly take advantage of the healthy food/organic food movement by charging insane prices. Have you been to a Whole Foods? Doesn’t it make you want to cry sometimes? Whole Foods serves fantastic products, but the prices can never justify it. What I will do as president is tax the supermarkets and stores that charge past what I shall call the Reasonable Price Line. With the RPL, I will list hundreds of products that allows for people and families to eat healthier---and will set what I believe are the proper prices. If Publix, Whole Foods, Wal-Mart, or anyone else exceeds the line, then they will pay a special tax at the end of the year.

It is time for orange juice to stop costing so much.


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RPL
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The Reasonable Price Line will also be applied to other things that I consider to be far too expensive:
Cable/internet, sports channels, gasoline, apartment prices, car insurance, health care visits, hospital visits, public parking, American cars (seriously), and much more. When I am president, I will ensure that businesses lower their prices and allow for the price of living to be much smaller----or pay the extra $$$ at the end of the year.


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Guns
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Owning a gun will be like owning a car: you need a great background check, good credit score, insurance, and a bank willing to back you up. Each of these things (usually) creates a decent citizen, so you should be rewarded with the opportunity to defend yourself. But we need stricter checks to prevent the senseless tragedies that have been plaguing the United States in the past several years. I will also ban assault rifles, you don’t need this crap. If you are hunting with an assault rifle or any automatic weapon, you are just being a prick.




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Parenting/Pet Owning
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You need a license to be a parent. And a pet owner. Take the necessary classes, do the necessary research, prove that you are good enough to watch over a loved one/a living creature. If you have a child and don’t have this license, you have a year to take care of that otherwise the child will go to parents looking to adopt. Too many terrible parents in this country. I am going to end this when I’m president.


Vote Malespin.




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NFL
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I will merge the CFL and the NFL so we can improve Canada/America relations, and that way expand the league without a poor team having to go all the way to England. I really don’t want this to happen.



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Warfare
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No more soldiers in the Middle East. You need to remove them, all of them. That area has been fighting since before Jesus. We need to focus strictly on the silent war nobody is talking about: the Drug War happening in North Mexico. We need to send our troops to the border and take care of a situation that has gotten quite out of hand----and its been right under our noses.

Thousands have died, gun companies are secretly arming the drug lords and their followers, contributing to the mess. It will be a terrible day when the war spills over and starts affecting Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas. In order to prevent this, our focus should strictly be in fixing, helping, and reviving north Mexico. You want people to stop “crossing the border?” Then try to help fix the country that we helped mess up in the first place…

Mexico is a beautiful country, full of beautiful people, beautiful history, and wonderful culture. They are a proud group, so if they are trying to leave the land they love, you know its for a big reason. The Drug War needs to end; we need to send more troops towards the border to try to calm the situation. There is another solution….




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Marijuana
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Legalize it. Everywhere. Tax it. Everywhere. Marijuana will increase the sales in art, movies, and especially, ESPECIALLY food. You want the economy to improve? Watch what marijuana can do, from the medical benefits to even becoming material used to make clothing. Just watch.

Vote Malespin.





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Gambling
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Legalize it. Everywhere. Tax the bejesus out of it, and watch the money fly. I can see a country that will make billions off of sports gambling, poker tournaments/leagues, fantasy sports and casinos scattered throughout. Now, each state will legalize it, but it will be limited to just a few select cities. That way the vices can be slightly contained…

Vote Malespin.





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Wi-Fi
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600 BILLION was spent in U.S. military. Vote for me, and I will take a quarter of that, and ensure that wi-fi will be fully available and free across all the major cities all over the nation. You’re welcome.





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Puerto Rico
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The United States made this beautiful island a mess after decades of neglect and lack of effort. I will fix this island and make it prosperous again.

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Education
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Standardized testing will be fully eliminated. College will be free the first two years, and will be dropped to affordable prices if you plan on pursing a college career. Universities need to start behaving like educational facilities as opposed to businesses trying to ring people dry. The nation will crumble unless we are better-educated.

Oh, and high schools need to offer classes about managing finances, common sense, and things you’ll have to deal with in the real world.







That’s about it.

Vote Malespin