The Lost Cluttered Art of DJing

I never want to sound like the old man that firmly believes that all modern day music is noise, noise, noise. I never want to be that person that believes that my generation made the best music ever composed (Although let’s be honest, 90s rock was something special). That being said, the Digital Era of Music has indeed ruined one aspect of music that deserves more appreciation: the art of the DJ.

Check this: I was at Hollywood Studios and they had a DJ in front of the hat in honor of the busy season requiring for some guy to stand at center and deliver some tunes to keep the guests happy and forgetting that there’s over 35,000 in the park. He starts fiddling with the computer and then walks away and starts randomly talking to two guests in front of the stage! What literally happened was that he pressed “play” on his computer, and the job was done. No mixing, no scratching, no crossfading, no surprises. What hurts more is that is becoming acceptable behavior in the world of music.

And it’s not just Disney World having their hands on these “DJ”s. You can find them in Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, conventions, and I have even seen them in small clothing stories inside malls. The market has become cluttered with these just-push-play DJs that spend a portion of time setting up the music from the safety and comfort of home, and then unleash their 4-hour repetitive mixes to the masses and collect their paycheck. There’s no art involved.

Gone are the days where artists like Fatboy Slim and Funkmaster Flex were tough to come by. Even Paris Hilton receives paychecks for her DJ work nowadays. I hope this stings you more than it stings me. The market has become absolutely flooded with these people, and it brings the entire art down a few notches. Now, it’s tougher to appreciate not only DJs but also music producers with DJ mannerisms (like Deadmau5, David Guetta, Daft Punk, and Joe Hahn).

Similar to how the comic book industry’s absolute marathon of comic book films cluttered the market and made actually-great films like Iron Man, Spider-Man 2, and Scott Pilgrim get lost in the shuffle, the DJ world has been stuffed with has-beens, wanna-bes, and the lazy peeps that pump unnecessary noise to Wednesday night specials at Applebees. The digital era may have allowed for us music lovers to connect to music better, faster, easier, and more consistently than ever before, but unfortunately this also leads to easier editing equipment and tools to create those mixes that used to be a hassle back in the 80s and 90s.....





…and allows for Paris Hilton to make DJ Jazzy Jeff money.

*sigh*

...clearly I am in the wrong career...

Top Five: 6/10

Top Five is a film that should have been ballsier, should have had a stronger voice, and should have delivered a heavier punch. The fact is we have seen this concept before, with the weak Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins and the mediocre Funny People. The entertainer-going-back-to-roots-rediscovery angle has been done a couple times within the past half-decade. So in order for Top Five to stand out, it needs sharper dialogue, more entertaining scenarios, more heart. And who better to do this then one of the best comics in the last 20 years? Yet despite the effort and the clearly talented cast, the movie never truly floats above mediocrity waters. Top Five does enough to slightly entertain, but you really wish that there could have been more.

Chris Rock's stand-up is undeniably one of the best in the history of the art form. He has the observational humor of Jerry Seinfeld mixed with the sharp delivery of Eddie Murphy. His cinematic career however lacks the bite that gives him the unique voice in comedy. When your best performance and best non-animated movie comes from a 20+ year old Wesley Snipes film (well...maybe CB4), there is a major issue. And although this movie isn't autobiographical, it definitely has some nods to Rock's actual career. This time Rock is channeling his inner Woody Allen by writing, directing, and starring in a New York flick.

In terms of acting, Chris Rock does not disappoint. His chemistry with the evocative and beautiful Rosario Dawson (sheer underrated talent) was the highlight of the film by far. They work off each other very well, which makes it all the more surprising that the rest of the cast had such limited material and didn't have their chance to truly mesh with Rock. Even Cedric the Entertainer and his amazing portrayal of a Houston freewheeler didn't contribute much. Chris Rock does indeed have the ability to run a movie, but boy did I wish more from Cedrick, J.B. Smoove, Sherri Shepherd, Gabrielle Union, among others.

All the small roles from talented people would be forgiven if the script had been stronger, and if the film had truly explored the harsh questions. Behind the microphone, Chris Rock is not afraid to take on touchy subjects. In Top Five, lots of concepts are lightly brought up but never explored. The reality star life angle, the difficult comedian life angle, the race angle, the returning-to-roots angle, and even the politics subject was slightly and very dimly brought up, but it never dwelled deeper. We could have had some serious post-viewing discussions on the whos, the whats, and the whys, but the film never ignited the fire.

Similar to About Last Night, another 2014 woulda, coulda, shoulda black ensemble film that didn't dip its feet into the discussion waters, Top Five explores a similar cinematic concept and stays afloat mainly because of lead character chemistry and a few cameos striking comedic gold. Unfortunately this movie lacks the bite of Chris Rock standup (despite the "R" rating giving you full permission to do so), instead meandering into similar territory that mixes Woody Allen with recent Judd Apatow. Dramatic but not dramatic enough, funny but not funny enough, provocative but not provocative enough, There are too many ingredients in the talent soup for the overall flavor to remain slightly lifeless.

I wanted more, anticipated more, and overall it just wasn't enough—despite this being Rock's best directorial and acting work.

The Grizzly Roar of the 2015 Chicago Cubs

Boys, the Cubs are back in town.





(The Cubs are back, the Cubs are back)





Actually providing upgrades to the stadium quickly turning into a stadium equivalent of Custer’s Last Stand? Check. Potentially stealing a Grade-A manager from a franchise that might not even exist in the next decade? Check. Overpaying massive amounts of money for a proven pitcher that is nonetheless over 30? Check check check.

The Chicago Cubs I used to know made bold and collective moves, and built strong competitive teams. The Sammy Sosa Peak Era of 1998-2004 gave us incredible talent (Grace, Sosa, Wood, Prior, Gonzalez, etc.), plenty of winning, and was marred by a manager that self-destructs come every September. Then we were met with Lou Pinella Cubs, which was a mix of phenomenal pitching and smallball play. But nowadays the Cubs had no identity, were just roaming around in National League Purgatory. While watching their rivals constantly make playoff appearances, the Cubs literally looked stuck while spending empty dollars of mediocre players while watching superior talent slip through their fingers.

Not anymore. It’s over. They signed Jon Lester for 156 ridiculous million, making sure that the man didn’t go back to Boston or found his way to San Francisco. Is it too much money? Of course it is, and Chicago knows this. But now Joe Maddon is running the show. Now there is a personality brewing in Wrigley Field. 2014 saw a surprising amount of hitting from the youngsters, so if they can deliver the pitching to preserve the leads we can definitely see an improvement from the organization. Throw in Maddon’s clever creative techniques for getting the job done, and who knows? There is a small window of opportunity and hope opening up and even though Lester won’t solve all the problems, his appearance will definitely trigger some good vibes.

The Cubs need experience, need proven winners to propel the youngsters into the promised land the North Side folks have not seen in over a century. Let me remind you, A CENTURY OF DISAPPOINTMENT. Do you know how many consecutive presidents have seen the Cubs not win the World Series? 18 presidents. The United States has seen 2 World Wars, 18 presidents, and 680 Disney movies since the last time the Chicago Cubs won the entire thing.

The Cubs are not playing games anymore. Jon Lester’s exaggerated mega contract is merely the latest example.



Beware Major League Baseball. The Cubs are back, the Cubs are back. *insert musical minute of Thin Lizzy*

The Penguins of Madagascar: 6/10

If you are going out of bounds, be fully out of bounds.

If you are going to create a wacky, out-of-control movie devoid of any slowdown moments or sentimental value---keep it that way.

This is what makes Emperor's New Groove such a phenomenal gem, and what made a movie like Shark Tale a jarring confusing drag. The Penguins of Madagascar falls somewhere in the middle, combining wacky ridiculous humor with a slight bit of heart that actually bogs the movie down a few notches. The additional cast of characters joining the penguins also actually brings it down a few notches. And lastly, the extended running time, which especially feels dragging for a movie that moves so fast, prevents this flick from truly excelling.

Nonetheless, just like in all the Madagascar movies, when the penguins are present and behaving zany, this is when the movie shines the brightest and flourishes the most. We had been begging for these characters to get their own movie; as their snarky creative schemes and no Fs attitude contradicted the pace and characterizations of the others involved---minus the lemurs which sadly have no place here. And although our wish came true, it still awkwardly left us yearning to see more from the original Madagascar cast.

If you are going to replace Alex and company, and replace the equally-ridiculous lemur crew (especially King Julien flawlessly voiced by Sacha Baron Cohen), you better have an awesome cast taking the wheel. Unfortunately, this is not the case as we have ho-hum secret agents that serve only as a compliment to a quick-and-easy plot involving an angry John Malkovich-voiced octopus wishing revenge on penguins around the world. Yea, the plot has a 90s children cartoon feel, and that is exactly what we got, even though being a little more straightforward could have severely benefited the entire thing.

In movies that operate in this frantic style, heart, animation, realism, and normal rules of storyframing should take a backseat. When a movie shoots and flies like a bullet, there cannot be anything holding it back. In my ultimate example, The Emperor's New Groove wentagainst the Disney grain and delivered arguably the most ChuckJones-ish movie since the Looney Tunes and obliterated every animatedrule in the book. The fourth wall was non-existent during those 90 minutes. With Penguins however, there were a few slowdown moments and although they can be vital to wholesome family fare like How to Train Your Dragon and Big Hero 6, it does hamper movies that just aim to please and become throwaway popcorn entertainment.

Luckily, there is still plenty of entertainment here, from the quick-paced one-liners to the creatively-done action sequences. I assure you, the potential was indeed here. And to top it off, plenty of penguin espionage keeping the tykes entertained. We just wish that there was more of it. For some odd reason the penguins continuously leave us asking for more, even after getting its own entire movie. It might be that the penguins work best in small doses. It could be that the Madagascar crew actually holds more quality weight than we anticipated. At the end of the day though, this movie becomes entertaining yet unmemorable. Funny yet not fully satisfying. A mission well-done, but very little reward.

King Julien and Mort really should have gone along for the ride.....

The Top 30 Films in the Official Walt Disney Animated Features Canon (The Top 10)

And after Part 1 and Part 2, I have the Top 10 right here, right now. Prepare to read and disagree. Let's finish this:









#10: Fox and the Hound
Last Time: #13

In this day and age, this one has grown on me. It is an underrated gem that was made during a tough time period in the Disney animation history and it was the final one to have the major touches of Disney’s Old Nine Men. And it was a wonderful swan song, as the heavy themes of prejudice and injustice prevails and it’s supported by beautiful animation, a heart wrenching story, and wonderful voice acting to tie it all together.

Fox and the Hound quietly started a trend in Disney animation that would eventually focus on deeper, heavier themes and would alter the usual Disney formula. There is no happy ending here, there isn’t a clear-cut story here. This is essentially Do the Right Thing minus the rioting and New York City setting. It is about becoming enemies with others without even knowing them, and not really even knowing why. And although Bambi, Lion King, and the modern gems Up and Toy Story 3 are more notorious for bringing the kids to tears, Fox and the Hound deserves just as much praise for elevating the emotions and hitting all the right notes---especially on that final act.




#9: Lady and the Tramp
Last Time: #12

One of the great cinematic love stories, Lady and the Tramp is one of those movies that has no outstanding strength, but is fully devoid of any weaknesses. The characters are memorable and likable, the film is beautifully drawn and animated with great detail (The rat scene being a wonderful example), the score is subtle and sweet, and of course there’s the infamous Bella Notte scene. It is probably the most famous kiss in the history of the medium.

Of course we have millions of talking animal movies, but this is the one that set the bar: the dogs have their own languages independent to that of the humans even though they share the same environment. This was the first movie to truly emphasize the fact that the animals have the same types of feelings and emotions as the humans roaming around with them. It sounds trivial and redundant, but do remember that Lady and the Tramp is nearly 60 years old. It is a quietly revolutionary animated work of art.




#8: Alice in Wonderland
Last Time: #11

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is nowhere near as accurate to the book as Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. However, it still has all the zany energy, dark British humor, and infinite layers of whimsical Dahl flavoring to make it the superior film by far. And this is exactly what Alice in Wonderland from Disney has done to every adaptation of the infamous book: become superior in every shape and form regardless of not being the most accurate one.

The trippy energy is extremely present. The animation is extremely bright and absolutely unpredictable. It remains one of the most unique-looking Disney films out there as stark incredible detail is contrasted by awkward clunky visuals. The entire movie feels like a roller coaster trip as we were treated from one insane moment to the next. Unlike most of your Disney princesses at the time, Alice doesn’t sit around, she is easily the most active leading lady until Ariel from Little Mermaid. It’s a very ballsy animated movie that left no stone unturned, and took dramatic creative risks. And although it didn’t pay off back then, it’s widely regarded as one of the best today.

P.S. This is much better than Burton's version by a long long long long shot.





#7: Sleeping Beauty
Last Time: #6

This is Fantasia with a plot and an incredible villain. The movie is mostly devoid of dialogue, instead focusing on beautifully spellbinding visuals combined with a musical score that was decades old at the time but redone perfectly by the Walt Disney crew. Yes, the Princess and the Prince don’t speak in the final 20 minutes of the movie, but that’s forgotten when you see the final action sequence climaxed by an epic showdown against Maleficent’s dragon transformation.

Sleeping Beauty was ambitious, was epic in scale, and required every bit of effort from the animation team, and I assure you it was a nasty hassle not only drawing that fire in the opening sequence, but creating an entirely brand new style of animation from scratch. In terms of animation achievement, Sleeping Beauty is quite possibly the best of them all in terms of what it accomplished in its time period. Now throw in memorable characters, beautiful music, a dastardly villain, and the Disney touch and you have yourself one of the best animated films of all-time.




#6: Cinderella
Last Time: #3

Sleeping Beauty elevated the animation game to the next level. Cinderella on the other hand essentially created a brand new genre in the history of film: the Cinderella story. The story about the person on the bottom of the barrel through hard work and good circumstances rising to the top and reaching levels that he/she couldn’t even imagine. Cinderella from Disney created this formula, and it works every single time; from a modern spin like Pretty Woman and Mean Girls to sports movies like Rocky and Bad News Bears.

The rare Disney movie with four antagonists (think about it, honestly), Hitchcock suspense, and a cat named after Satan, Cinderella is Disney magic at its peak, entertaining, full of great music and characters, and dozens of classic scenes that have made its way into the pop culture lexicon. Quietly this movie saved Disney animation with its box office success and revival of the Disney brand into the film industry. We may have Cinderella overkill nowadays, but its original impact in film back in the 1950s was nothing short of groundbreaking.




#5: The Jungle Book
Last Time: #5

Walt Disney’s Swan Song. This was the last film Disney personally put his suggestions and finishing touches on, and it is an absolute beast. The first animated film to actually get a few murmurs for a Best Picture nomination at the Academy Awards, The Jungle Book has some of the best visuals and music in history. It was also shockingly hilarious, especially for an older Disney flick. And the recurring Disney formula of memorable characters, memorable music, and memorable moments is in full blast here; from the elephant march to the vultures’ Beatles serenade, to the chase sequence in King Louie’s palace, to the climactic showdown against a psychotic tiger.

The Sherman Brothers, Nine Old Men, Mr. Disney himself collaborated perfectly here, and for the last time unfortunately. And in this final film, they threw everything except the kitchen sink here: dozens of animals, a totally mixed bag of environments, popular actors lending their voices, and we nearly even had The Beatles in here for crying out loud! Jungle Book was in an extremely crowded cinematic year (1967: Bonnie and Clyde, The Graduate, etc.) but should have gotten Oscars for Sound, Music, and Song for sure. This movie is arguably perfect, a visual feast, and a great way to exit your career. Thanks for everything, Mr. Walt Disney.




#4: Aladdin
Last Time: #7

There is indeed a bit of bias bringing Aladdin all the way up here. But here me out: the music, the action, the supporting cast, the damsel in distress being quite strong on her own, the surprises, the humor, the evil villain that nearly kills our hero in THREE different instances! And lastly, the revolutionary performance from Robin Williams, which would transform voice acting into a pure art form, one that can enhance a movie when given enough room.

Aladdin wastes no time, with a few songs and a few action-packed moments within the first 10 minutes. And by the time it’s all over we see the Disney Renaissance in full play: Broadway music, Oscar-worthy performances, articulate attention to detail, sweeping visuals, the showstopping song, the romantic song, and the dosage of old-school Disney magic that had been missing from Disney’s death all the way up to 1989 with Little Mermaid. It was risky, it was fast-paced, it was intense, and climaxed with a final sequence that tested the younglings---after all, our hero was fighting an invincible enemy that can turn into a cobra. Aladdin may not be too deep on themes, but its an extremely entertaining movie that mixes blockbuster action with the Disney aura that hovers over your favorite childhood memories.

#3: The Emperor’s New Groove
Last Time: #4

Well, this had to happen. The Emperor’s New Groove is the equivalent of the blue collar workers fighting against the Big Boss. This movie is so anti-Disney its hilarious, it breaks so many rules that was associated with the Disney Renaissance and the Disney Formula that you may wonder if any of the writers and animators even kept their job when the film finally came out. What started out as a failed project became an insane animated comedy that gave us an unlikable main character, a likable duo of villains, another great John Goodman performance, plenty of sarcasm, destruction of the fourth wall, and a pace so fast that it never slows down to give us any musical numbers. The Emperor’s New Groove has so much subtle adult humor it pulls a Rocko’s Modern Life and sneaks by the censors before anybody notices anything.

After years of serious Disney productions we finally got the immature slacker flick that was perfect for those getting rather sick of the Broadway Disney that was starting to wear its welcome (Shrek would be the peak anti-Disney period with its box office surprise and even more surprising Oscar win). Everything about this movie worked and hit, and just delivered an experience unlike anything we had ever seen from Disney---before and since. The animation took a slight step backwards and allowed humor and clever writing to be front and center. Although it won’t be mentioned as part of the Disney Renaissance, it remains the best imitation of Chuck Jones we have seen in the last 20 years.

#2: Beauty and the Beast
Last Time: #2

The first animated film to truly actually deserve a Best Picture nomination, and could have even won it if it had not come out with the eerily perfect Silence of the Lambs. Beauty and the Beast is a masterpiece, plain and simple. The heavy adult themes are everywhere, the music is top-notch perfect, the cast is excellent from voicing to execution, the art direction and editing was magnificent, and there isn’t a single wasted moment. Beauty and the Beast is one of the 50 greatest films of all-time, guaranteed. It gave us a lot of Disney at-the-time rarities: a princess with an actual humanized personality, character development coming from the prince, the handsome person actually being the villain, and lastly an aura of a sweeping epic that deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as Gone with the Wind, Wizard of Oz.

I was 4 when I first saw Beauty and the Beast in theaters, and I vividly remember the theater being enamored from the first second to the last. Sometimes a movie transcends being just popcorn entertainment and becomes something more, becomes a part of your life, becomes a part of your conscious. Beauty and the Beast is the benchmark for modern Disney films, and believe it or not from Aladdin to even Frozen, no Disney Renaissance I/II movie has matched the 1991 gem. It is beautiful even today, and will remain beautiful long after we are all gone.

#1: The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Last Time: Also #1


The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh represents everything Disney in every conceivable aspect: from the way a Disney film looks to even the way the image of Disney is branded into our psyche. Winnie the Pooh is flawless, harmless, lighthearted entertainment that has an intense amount of childhood magic that is absolutely inescapable. The animation, the music, the light and airy way we are taken from scene to scene, and all the details spiraling out of the movie like a childhood book brought to life; Winnie the Pooh didn’t just create one of the most popular animated cast of characters of all-time, but would set the tone as to how the Disney parks would look and feel. If there is a movie that best resembles the sensation of entering and engaging yourself in the Magic Kingdom, this one would absolutely be it.

Three stories woven into one overarching tale about a boy and his friends in the years before he needs to grow up and enter the world of education, Winnie the Pooh is the perfect allegory for how you view the world and how you feel about it prior to entering the real world. Happiness peaks when you are a kid, as the little things in life like bubbles, balloons, toys fills your heart with glee—long before the essentials become required from you. And not a single movie can capture this short era of your life like The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. Even the nightmares here are cute and huggable.

This is Walt Disney Animation’s crowning achievement, hands-down. It’s perfect. It’s the perfect childhood movie. It’s the perfect family movie. And it’s the perfect movie to introduce your future kids into the unique and engaging world of Walt Disney. And I know most of you, all of you will disagree. But I personally don’t see another Disney animated movie occupying this spot.