A Million Ways to Die in the West: 4/10

Seth MacFarlane is the equivalent of the college student that has all the potential of breezing through his years with straight As and honors in everything imaginable----but settles for the easier, calmer Bs and Cs. The man is notoriously smart, notoriously gifted, and it makes all the more frustrating when Family Guy dips itself to crass and gross-out humor when we know that MacFarlane has the ability to make a show to the creative geeky levels of a Community or a 30 Rock.

A Million Ways to Die in the West falls straight into the woulda, coulda, shoulda category.

This comedic western (extremely rare genre with very few success stories) is a jumbled mess that unveils the wasted talent (Neil Patrick Harris and Sarah Silverman being the best examples) and the infinite level of potential. The plot was forgettable, the jokes and one-liners are all throwaways, and there was nothing really outstanding about the production aside from the cinematography. It was even lacking the classic Western tension that makes the genre stand out on its own.

MacFarlane tried to throw everything at the movie, from shifts in tone to the shifts in humor. And you thought Lone Ranger had a clunky tone, wait until you get a kick out of this one. There's a clever monologue about how bad life really was in the West, but then we get tons of toilet humor mixed in. Adding to the mayhem is a sentimental story, random violent sequences, even more random musical sequences, and unexpected but unnecessary cameos. It all felt very random and although it may work in a short film format (Robot Chicken), this style flounders severely if it becomes a two-hour affair.

There will be laughs; there will be some jokes that hit. But similar to the latter seasons of Family Guy, the amount of missed jokes subtracts from the overall enjoyment. And it hits the gut harder since this is a very smart, sophisticated, and well-rounded individual with tons of writing and singing experience behind the wheel. This is Seth MacFarlane we are talking about, not Adam Sandler. And the cast is full of Oscar and Emmy talent, not a bunch of duds (Like most of Adam Sandler's friends).

Seth, I know you are capable of much better. Step up to the plate and actually deliver it.

The 2014 Tampa Bay Rays and their Devil Rays-esque Start

This season sucks.



Yes, Major League Baseball’s 2014 season has been interesting to say the least, with surprise contenders like the Colorado Rockies, Milwaukee Brewers and Miami Marlins (yes, I know) competing in tough divisions like the NL East, NL West, AL West, and even the AL Central. We have had some exciting rookies like Jose Abreu as well as phenomenal pitching from Caribbean gems Johnny Cueto and Jose Fernandez. We have seen intriguing storylines left and right, just like every baseball season. Best of all, the playing field remains pretty even as we inch closer towards June, which gives everyone hope….unless you are a Cubs fan.

However being a Tampa Bay Rays fan has been frustrating to say the least. Very, very frustrating. We are currently dead last in the surprisingly-weak AL East, we have injuries left and right, David Price and the pitching staff has not been to their usual standards, and Joe Maddon has been spending the past month having to do damage control. After signing practically the entire infield for the next several seasons, they have failed to deliver on the promise of a good consistency. And don’t get me started on Jose Molina’s offensive numbers.

What stings a bit more was that the expectations had been raised to a level the franchise had never before witnessed. And yes, I had written about the “It Was Supposed to Be Our Year” syndrome that surrounded the 2012 Rays, but this time we had all the analysts saying that the window of opportunity was there. The Rays increased their payroll to the highest the franchise has ever seen, the stadium received renovations, and surely enough more eyes were placed on us—especially after biting the financial bullet and signed a player that has all but guaranteed to be leaving us in 2015 in David Price.

P.S. David Price, that 4-4 record and 4.00+ ERA is not helping you. Not for trade bait, and not for that mega contract you will soon be seeking.

So what is going wrong? Well, the starters have had to pick up the slack for the temporary disappearances of Matt Moore, Jeremy Hellickson, and Alex Cobb—as well as the underrated missing arm of Alex Torres. And the new crop of starters are barely lasting, which is leading to a bullpen put on the brink of destruction as we have aging veterans like Joel Peralta, Heath Bell (Now gone), and Grant Balfour having to do extra work. This pretty much ruins the good news about our ho-hum offense, which still needs more production from the bottom half of the lineup---I hope you are reading this Jose Molina.

The other fact is that guess what, every franchise has their bad season this millennium—except for the freakin’ St. Louis Cardinals. The Yankees had 2013, the Red Sox had 2012, the Orioles had every season between 1999-2012, and the Blue Jays had the recent 2012-2013 stretch of disappointment--and that's just the AL East examples. Remember once upon a time the Detroit Tigers really, really sucked before getting their stuff straight.

As for us, when we were the Devil Rays, it was expected to suck. Maybe this is the year where the wheels just won’t turn in our favor, despite the entourage of good pieces. We still have one of the best managers in baseball willing to make the tough calls, the controversial decisions, and ultimately maintain the spirits high against the circumstances.

And we can sit here and talk about how the pitching needs lots of work, our starters need to survive at least 7 far more often then what has been going on this year, the hitting while improved needs to be more clutch and a bit more consistent, the defense needs to not overthink the plays in motion so much, and lastly we need to get into the heavier habit of small ball baseball which includes sacrifice bunts/flies, stolen bases, and timely hitting. We can blurt out all this but here is the other thing the franchise needs to stop doing: stop gambling our chips so much. Start clinging to the chips a bit longer.

2014 will mark the year when Tampa stepped up on its game and signed a variety of players to elongated contracts, ranging from Chris Archer to James Loney. But what about all the good and popular pieces that has fallen through the crack? I miss Sam Fuld’s defense and energetic prowl. I miss Jose Lobaton’s clutch hitting. I miss Alex Torres spitting great bullpen numbers. And to go a little further back, I miss Wade Davis’ great bullpen/starter abilities, as well as Rafael Soriano’s consistency (185 saves, 2.76 ERA makes for a good career). And I really miss Carl Crawford (I know, no way we could afford him, but if only we Longoria-d him with a lengthy contract) and his mix of hitting, speed and defense (.297 average, 450+ stolen bases). Most of the time we do manage to take deals that seem like dirt and turn them to diamonds (Ben Zobrist being probably your best example) but sometimes when the struggles persist, it’s hard to not look back and ponder what if we had made more of an effort to keep some of the chips we sacrificed.

And the funny thing, I hope this article becomes irrelevant when August rolls around and the Rays are full blast in the thick of the playoff race. But with the worst start since the Devil Rays became the Rays, it’s hard to not become pessimistic.



But it’s the Tampa Bay Rays. With them, you never know…

100: The Number That Can Improve Major League Baseball

Sometime in Summer of 2013, I took my best friend to his very first MLB game. It wound up being a very close game between the Toronto Blue Jays and my Tampa Bay Rays. Omar got to see it all: great plays, clutch hitting, tense moments, and a game-winning home run from Jose Lobaton (Miss you by the way). So he decided to give baseball a chance for 2014.

Late April 2014, I visited his place and he pointed out that the Rays were losing a lot. I told him that its baseball, it’s 162 games and expect even the great teams to lose at least 60 games. He hits me with a statement that as a diehard baseball fan stung, but still had a good point:


“Oh, so the first couple of months is pointless then, right?”


I wanted to refute this point. I wanted to argue it. I wanted to debate it. But what on earth could I say? Every game is important? All 162 games? Is it humanely possible for a person to keep track of so many games while still trying to learn the deep beauty of the sport itself? And this is where baseball’s potentially biggest problem lies: it is a tough sport to randomly recruit fans into its crazy world simply because of its rather intimidating schedule. 162 games, and they play all over the place in the calendar. Instead of NFL’s usual Sunday schedule (Even though they are slowly screwing that up with the Thursday games), baseball teams generally play 25-30 games a month to reach the number that has existed for a couple generations now.

But should it be time for a change? Isn’t it time to start a new era of baseball and an era that is more accessible to a technology-driven world that is a heck of a lot faster when compared to the 1920s, the 1950s, and even the 1990s? Isn’t it time to shorten a season so we can add value to each ballgame, add value to each moment of the baseball season?

What makes the NFL work is that each of the 16 games are extremely important, since you have much fewer chances to win throughout the season. Lose 3 or 4 in a row and your season already looks disastrous. The desperation doesn’t go away unless you are in a terrible division. With baseball however, you can absolutely blow it the first three months but still have a shot at winning the entire thing. The magical run of the 2003 Florida Marlins started out horrifically slow, 16-22 record and winding up dead last in their division around May. At the end of the day however they shocked the Yankees and won the World Series.

So can you imagine a baseball season in which instead of catching the details of 162 games, we reduce the season to a mere 100 games? Just 20 games per month from late March through August, with the playoffs starting in August and the World Series starting in early September? Can you imagine guaranteeing baseball on 5 specific days of the week to better keep track? Can you imagine a double-header each week so that everyone has a legitimate shot of going to the game on a Saturday or a Sunday?

This is how I would fix the scheduling of baseball: 100 games, period. It may not be 16 games, but in baseball anybody can beat anybody on any given day so you still need a good number of games to separate the good teams from the bad. 100 games is definitely a good-enough sample size.

The way it shall work: Each team plays their division rivals a total of 40 times—10 games per team in the 5-team division. And for the remaining 10 teams in your league (American or National)? Just 6 games, 3 at home and 3 away. That makes it 60. Add the 40 and the 60 and you have exactly 100 games, excluding interleague---which should be eliminated because its luster is diminishing and it would add more value to the All-Star Game.

This is the point of the schedule change, increasing value. Removing interleague allows for the All-Star Game matchups to be more entertaining, as opposed to a been-there-done-that since the AL plays the NL throughout the season. With the 100 game schedule it makes room for many more breaks, many more days off, and removes the pressure of having to do interleague games since each league has an odd number of teams.

Making it 100 games makes it a nice wholesome number that’s easier to follow for the new fans, the developing fans, and even fans that have trouble devoting time to their team and the league. 100 games gives it a resounding countdown (“Game 75, 25 games until playoffs”). Each game is far more important, especially the interdivisional ones. Instead of the Yankees playing the Red Sox 19 or 20 times a year, you reduce it to a mere 10, giving the rivalry added oomph per game.

100 games allow for the playoffs to hit in August, right as the NFL is starting. In terms of rivalry amongst the sports, it’s an excellent way to remove some of the excitement from football as baseball playoffs provide more unpredictable moments and memorable games than any other professional sport, bar none. September would belong to the World Series, which would arrive right around the time the NFL is just starting, and the NHL and NBA have yet to truly begin. It would also decrease the chances of bad late fall/early winter weather hampering with the Fall Classic.

100 games will reduce the amount of injuries amongst the battered and bruised players, increasing the quality of each game. We will see stronger, more stable pitching rotations; we will see healthier players as they can take advantage of the extra rest the reduced schedule can deliver. And some will argue why make it easier for the millionaires, and my response is simple: if I am paying $100+ for cable a month to watch sports, and paying at least $100 per ballgame I personally attend, I better get the full complete package of talented players—as opposed to incomplete lineups because some of the stars have to take time off to heal. Reducing the amount of games enhances my chances of getting my money's worth.

I know baseball does not like change, I know baseball likes to remain consistent because of its love for the numbers and the records attached to them (61, .400, 56, *73, 262) but let’s be honest: the career numbers are where it’s at and we’ve reached a point in which single-season records may never ever be beaten. Is anyone really going to challenge the single-season records for wins (59), shutouts (16), RBIs (191), runs scored (198) or even stolen bases (138)? Just not going to happen in today’s MLB. The competition is too strong, too tight. So why not begin a new era and just focus on improving the quality of the game?



Even though I can handle 162 games, there is truth to having too much of a good thing.



100 games is just right.

A Sad Tale of Two Former Amazingly Smart Sitcoms

This is a story about two television comedies that started out nearly the same, nabbed the same audience, and then drifted into totally different directions.


One survives, the other does not.




They are two comedies that went against the usual sitcom route, offering comedy of a higher degree of creativity and intelligence that you just don’t get enough of on television. But one of these two will remain the same, while the other will totally take a 180 spin.


The Big Bang Theory started out in 2007 to compliment Two and a Half Men, the 2000s version of Married…With Children---full of one-liners, beautiful women, forgettable storylines, and a massive guilty pleasure complex. Even though it was from the same creator Chuck Lorre, it was drastically different in content as it featured four highly-intelligent individuals with a complex vocabulary and engaged in work/social situations that the average public is not accustomed to. Usually comedies feature the one highly smart person that usually gets chastised for such behavior (Fresh Prince, The Simpsons, Family Matters, Modern Family). But in this case, all the main characters carried these traits. In hindsight, at the time it was unique, and the underground culture loved it.

Unlike The Simpsons parodying everything and dating itself for all eternity, Big Bang Theory used the nerdom culture the characters engaged it and interwove it deeply with their conversations, their decisions, their habits, and their views on life. They don’t just reference Lord of the Rings, they discuss it. They don’t just bring up Daredevil, they chastise it. No major television comedy had ever truly been the voice of the internet culture, so Big Bang Theory took off with high ratings thanks to an audience hungry for such content on tv.


Community (Oh, Community....this article is biased. Shut up and get used to it) started out in 2009 and used the Aqua Teen Hunger Force technique to get picked up by the absolutely-desperate NBC (Do remember 2009 was the year of the Tonight Show with Conan disaster). The Aqua Teen (cult classic Adult Swim cartoon that amazingly went horrifically downhill after the 100th episode) technique is that you present the network with a pilot episode that caters to the buyer, and when it gets picked up totally flip the switch and go in the direction you actually desired. I assure you, the pilot is drastically different from everything else in the show.

Community is sharp comedy, pulls no punches, and delivers an endless arsenal of visual/verbal/meta/physical jokes that ranges from lowbrow to absolute genius. The cast is quick, the content is faster, and the overall pace of the show is pure insanity. Like Big Bang it also was embedded in the nerd/underground culture and wasn’t afraid to “culticize” itself if it means to be relevant in the convention fandom. No two episodes are the same, as Community one moment can engage in a deep philosophical episode, and then follow it up with an amazingly exaggerated episode dedicated to an epic paintball battle. It never had high ratings, but the people that did follow it were immensely satisfied.

*raises hand*

Now, things started getting different for both shows simply because of its status in terms of ratings. Big Bang Theory had a great start but was quite far off the territory of Two and a Half Men. So somewhere along the lines of Season 3-4, the writing staff changed it went through changes in showrunners, and the focus shifted drastically. Community was always on the verge of cancellation because NBC never had faith in it. It kept receiving its season renewal, but had to go through dozens of hurdles to finally air. Did Community change? Nope, just got better; although its refusal to cooperate under the usual sitcom rules infuriated NBC---which would lead to some crazy changes later on.

Big Bang Theory’s downward spiral and separation from its initial audience occurred around season 3 when the lead cast started becoming more involved in relationships, started seeking out advancements in said relationships, and we were beginning to see less of the complicated vocabulary and dorkiness we had been accustomed to. The main characters were evolving into more relatable people and the audience drastically increased. The ratings literally doubled between season 1 and season 4. The reruns definitely helped but the minute we saw more of Amy, Bernadette, and Penny, we saw more people actively engaged in the show.

Community Season 3 did not skip a single beat, but behind-the-scenes things were getting a bit hairy. Chevy Chase started clashing a bit with the writing staff, Dan Harmon secretly started battling more with NBC, and the end result was a season full of episodes that were continuously bending the rules, going out-of-bounds with their craziness, and we even got to see an episode that mostly took place inside a video game. The love triangle was a bit forced but that was the only setback as the show remained just as relevant in the underground cult community as it did when Modern Warfare entered the internet stratosphere. It became the official geeky show on television----and the rather low ratings but heavy fanbase was proving it.

Big Bang Theory became the #1 show on television. As Big Bang hit Season 6 as high as a kite, Community entered Season 4 with Chevy Chase leaving, and Sony and NBC inexplicably firing the man that created the entire show. What looked like an incredible case of self-sabotage to kill the show but deliver enough episodes for syndication, Community’s Season 4 was definitely the lowest and weakest point in the history of the series. Everyone saw the difference, from the fans to the critics. Our beloved show was being demolished because it had become too cool and too unique for NBC. But the fans rode out the wave and the ratings remained consistent---consistently 19 million below the average audience for Big Bang Theory.

However, around the internet and the Twitterscope, Community was reigning supreme and the backlash was hitting Big Bang Theory absolutely hard.



Look how far Big Bang had changed. The now-infamous train kiss scene alone displays the evolution of Sheldon’s character. Some can and shall argue that this change is necessary as our main cast started out as smart anti-social outcasts and have emerged into more confident and mature adults seeking that special someone to join their lives. Sheldon’s character has arguably changed the most as now he is more affectionate, more caring, more understanding, and less of a jerk---in other words, more accessible to the public. But on the other hand, Sheldon reaching this stage would be the equivalent of Johnny Bravo suddenly becoming a father of three or Bart Simpson running for public office--the change is possible, but it would strip away from what made the character memorable in the first place.

The humor and content got dumbed down considerably and even certain characters were losing screentime because of it---including Leonard’s mother, Leslie, and poor Stuart. Big Bang Theory used to pack a heavy punch of nerdism. Now, the nerdism in Big Bang has become a mainstream fad. And if I see one more post about how someone believes they are a nerd because of their love for Big Bang Theory I swear to all things Holy…………

...............*flips over table*.........

Community’s Season 5 was a mercy decision by NBC. They inexplicably brought the showrunner and the original writing staff back, and before you know Community went back to its old ways---throwing in a G.I. Joe-influenced episode, another one about the floor in the entire school being lava, and of course an episode that was centered mainly around a big Dungeons and Dragons adventure. The ratings improved, and it was back in the limelight, but the damage was done. Community was syndicated, and NBC had no reason to continue running the show knowing it could never reach the heights of Big Bang, Modern Family, and even Parks and Recreation. It got cancelled after 5 seasons, with the previous 3 being in danger of cancellation at any point. Going 5 seasons was a miracle in itself.

But here is where Community will earn its place in television history: it’s one of the gutsiest shows with one of the most dedicated fanbases from any program in the history of the medium. It never complied with its network, it never tried to make itself more popular, and the fans knew this and loved them dearly for it. Community could have never worked as a major network show at any given point (Its perfect for Netflix, Comedy Central, FX, FXX, and to an extent even Disney Family or Disney XD if the House of Mouse ever dared to become more adult and edgy), but it didn’t care. It reached out for the geeks, nerds, and fans of gaming, comics, movies, and everything under-the-radar and never let go. The fans did everything short of offering live sacrifices to keep the show from getting the inevitable ax. And to this day there’s still hope that it can live on in another network.

Big Bang Theory on the other hand became one of the few shows in history to lose its cult status and become mainstream fare (Family Guy is another good example—albeit nowhere near as big a hit) as it developed its characters from enjoyable archetypes into borderline-clichéd male leads with their women and their relationship/marital issues, with a slight twist of geek. Instead of going down the same road as Community as a show that isn’t afraid to embrace its quirky dorky side, it condensed itself into a program that families and the oldies can watch without issue. On an economic and ratings standpoint, it’s a success story and one that will be imitated for years to come. It is the new generation of Friends, minus the New York vibe and the slight lack of reliability (Seriously though, can you relate to Rachel in those final seasons as she took on a Sex and the City worklife?) But on the other hand, Big Bang Theory turned its back on the first cluster of fans that allowed it to take off in the first place.

Community and Big Bang started out in very similar fashion. Both bent and twisted the normal rules of a network comedy. However one would change to appease the masses, and the other acted like a rock star and continued its ways no matter how small the audience was. Big Bang would survive and Community would eventually fall. However, although Community is gone it may never be forgotten. Big Bang on the other hand isn’t gone, but give it time and it will be forgotten as the fad fades away. Community will age like Link to the Past, while Big Bang will age like Atari.


It may not have hit six seasons and a movie, but Community earned a spot in the world of geek culture. You will be missed.

And Big Bang Theory Season 1 and 2, I miss you as well.

The Awesome Mediocrity-Erasing First Round, and why the Heat Will Still Win it All

Every player that participated in the first round of the NBA playoffs should be getting a box of chocolates from new commissioner Adam Silver. Because the first round was quite possibly the best cluster of playoff games the sports world has ever seen. So many close games, so many buzzer-beaters, so much controversy, so many overtime games, so many juicy storylines, and finally so many instant classic moments, how can you as a sports fan be even remotely upset at anything that has transpired? Even the teams that disappeared like the Toronto Raptors, Atlanta Hawks, and Golden State Warriors should be extremely proud for putting up such a good fight.

And the biggest reason why Round One was so crucial to the NBA’s future was this: the regular season horrendously sucked. And it was quite possibly the worst regular season in the history of the entire league.

The Eastern Conference was disaster from start to finish. You had the Miami Heat practically give away games because they knew the teams around them were never going to really take off and leave them behind. You had the on-their-final-pulse Indiana Pacers royally screw things up by trading Danny Granger and signing I-still-can’t-believe-he-makes-more-money-than-me Andrew Bynum. The Nets are too old, the Raptors are too young, the Chicago Bulls should just be renamed Fragile, and a team with a dismal 38-44 record wound up in the playoffs. The Phoenix Suns missed the playoffs, but if they played in the East could have gotten the 4 seed. I am sure the Suns are considering moving to Virginia.

Half the teams were tanking, and some were so bad that the commissioner(s) had to play fire control and assure everyone that the product being put up there wasn’t designed to manipulate the lottery chances (Leading to an angry article from me). The Philadelphia 76ers had a losing streak of over 20 games and STILL didn’t finish last in the league. The talent level is deeper than ever (Have we seen the Orlando Magic's core of young players?), but the all-or-nothing approach from the smaller market teams like the Jazz and the Bucks are damaging the game severely.

Ratings were down, attendance was down, and as a matter of fact the NHL was increasing significantly in popularity and was selling out more home games than basketball. ESPN was desperately trying to keep the league relevant with high market storylines from the Knicks and the Lakers (despite their dismal records). It was all headed towards a disastrous full year of basketball:





And then everything happened.


Both #1 seeds needed 7 games, the Blazers/Rockets and Nets/Raptors series were so evenly matched that with each passing game nobody could even come close to figuring out who was coming out on top, and then we saw favorites like the Clippers and Thunder have to claw their way out of the first round by their knuckles. Everyone suddenly looked vulnerable, beatable, unintimidating, and led to every team out there truly believing they had a shot.

Blazers/Rockets ended on a buzzer-beater (after enduring a series with 3 OT games), which had not happened since the John Stockton days. Thunder/Grizzlies have four straight overtime games, and Oklahoma had to climb from a 3-2 hole to win it. The Mavericks saw the rise of Vince Carter and nearly etched out a major upset against the heavily-favored Spurs. But alllllllllllllllllllll this was happening while one team relaxed:


I present you, the team to best: The Miami Heat.



The Miami Heat had the perfect formula to surviving the season and quite possibly cruise through the playoffs: don’t exert too much effort in an overlong season, rest your veterans for chunks at a time, don’t be afraid to hit a few winning streaks, look beatable and vulnerable by offering false hope to the competitors, and ultimately toy with several different lineups to see which one works. Now, the Heat had the East to compete in so they had much more room to mess up and not panic, but they literally allowed for the media to freak out while they silently held the keys to the NBA and remain the biggest obstacle for anyone out there.

The Heat are still the champs, the Heat have still remained champs since June 2012, and know what the road is like. They destroyed the Bobcats without even having to shift gears. LeBron James didn’t enter assassin mode until the second half of the fourth game. And now they have all the rest they could possibly need to take on a tired Brooklyn squad that needs more time to recover—and are already old to begin with.

Who can possibly stop them? Honestly? The Nets are too old, the Pacers are inches away from a total breakdown and the Washington Wizards just don’t have the talent to take on the deep lineup of Miami. And out in the West there are plenty of options, but if everyone keeps killing each other then we will see a watered-down version of the Western Conference champ when the NBA Finals finally arrive come later this summer.

To sum it all up: the first round was easily (easily, easily) the best in the history of the NBA, and even overshadowed the incredible first round of the NHL (which always seems to deliver come playoff time) and the very clustered start of MLB (Which has the ….Brewers running the show…wait..what?). That being said, it’s all about the Heat as they are the only team that survived the first round with no scratches and have a nice clear path towards the title…again. I predicted the Heat winning last year against the Spurs before the season even took off, so I feel like I got the pulse of the NBA right now.



The Heat will be in the Finals, and will make it look quite easy too. But it will be entertaining to see every other team battle for that silver medal.