A Letter to Delusion

Dear Scottie Pippen,


Shut up.

Immediately.

Right now.

What on earth are you trying to prove by mentioning that LeBron James could become the greatest basketball player, better than Jordan? Why do you even say that? What is the point in saying that right now? How can you say that without laughing out loud? First off LeBron has yet to win a ring, while Jordan led a team YOU were on to 6 of them. Second off, LeBron is notorious for disappearing in important basketball games, when Jordan would give you 115% every single game---leading to notorious confrontations with the other Bulls players when facing weaker opponents. And dare we remember the game you walked out on just because you weren’t going to take the final shot? Third off, Jordan is among the all-time leaders in points, steals, minutes per game, and points per game, and dozens of other categories. Fourth off, Jordan didn’t have the superstar help that LeBron currently has. Jordan makes other players better, and this especially includes Dennis Rodman, Horace Grant, and you. Fifth off, its freakin' Michael Jordan. The amount of legendary basketball moments he created is borderline endless.

I can’t believe that you might still be bitter about how we forever mention Michael Jordan long after he retired while you are a mere footnote. Maybe it’s because you weren’t as good as we remembered. Maybe it’s because some of us have yet to forgive you after quitting on the Bulls on that one fateful day. Maybe it’s because you never seem to truly appreciate the efforts and achievements of Jordan. You were a great player, I can't deny this, potentially even spectacular. But don’t you dare try to diminish the accomplishments of the best player of all-time, your ex-teammate, by comparing him to a player that has yet to lead a team to a championship. Still don't know what you are trying to prove.

LeBron is one of the best players in the NBA, but he still has fewer rings than Kobe Bryant, Tim Duncan, Paul Pierce (hurts to put this name here), Shaq, and even his own partner Dwayne Wade. And even then, it’s not just the rings, to be the best you have to take the hits and beatings as well as the rewards of being great. Michael Jordan spent years with the Bulls before finally winning one, and didn’t try to win one by combining forces with other superstar players. LeBron definitely played his heart out for a while, but when the going got tough, he got going.....elsewhere. Micahel Jordan wasn't just a superior scorer, but he is a superior defender, playmaker, clutch player, and far better all-around player. The only thing I will give LeBron the advantage is physical stature and rebounding ability. But everything else, every single other category, if you compare LeBron now to Jordan at the point in the career, it is no contest whatsoever.

Pippen, I am not sure what drugs you are on, but its going to take much more than just a few nice comebacks, athletic ability, and a potential ring to compare anyone with Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan is part of the Mt. Rushmore of ultimate athletes in the history of sports. Don’t you dare try to deface it. Stop being in over your head, please. And where is Kobe in this conversation? Why even pass off on Kobe, who has 5 rings?

I think you are just trying to stir up trouble. I know its an opinion, but your opinion stinks. Badly. I can smell it from here.

And you should quit talking.

Now.


Sincerely,
Me.

The Hangover II: 6/10

A raunchy, funny roller coaster you've already ridden before, 26 May 2011

Select All. Cut. Open New Document. Paste. Thesaurus. Print. I can nearly guarantee you this was the process in writing the sequel to the most successful R-rated comedy of all-time. In one of the craziest and most blatant filmmaking moments of carbon copying an earlier installment I have ever witnessed Hangover II paces, moves, and delivers in the exact same method, style and speed as the original. The musical transitions are the same, some of the set-ups are the same, some of the conflicts and revelations were eerily alike and worst of all, the entire third act felt like the original----and they are thousands of miles from the United States. Every strength in this movie is deterred by the fact that Todd Phillips and company put no effort in trying to change things up a little aside from setting.

Is the movie still funny? Yes, it is funny and there indeed some standout moments. But, all the freshness and originality of the first Hangover is definitely not present here, and it hurts more because they could have fixed some of the setbacks of the original. This time Stu (Ed Helms) is getting married in Thailand in order to gain approval from his fiancée's father. During a night of drinking with the "Wolfpack" (Bradley Cooper, Zack Galifianakis, Justin Bartha) and the fiancée's brother, something went wrong, and the crew is many miles away in Bangkok. And of course, one of them is missing. And of course, they don't remember anything. And of course, they are mixed up in multiple situations occurring within the city. The difference between this one and their stint in Vegas is that the stakes are much higher, as the adventure in Thailand is much more grim and dark than in Sin City.

Hangover part one was hilarious, unique, and had flair of comedic originality. However, it needed a few polishes in order to become a true comedic classic. Zach as Allen is the biggest of the flaws. His characterization in the original was very uneven, too random, and just didn't deliver as much sympathy as the other characters. In the sequel, he is ruder, crueler, and an absolute pain to witness. In the original his actions are mildly justified because of his stupidity. Here however the stupid act gets old extremely fast. It doesn't help that Galifianakis doesn't have the comedic timing that superior funnymen possess. The rest of the cast throughout the movie was great, with Ed Helms and Ken Jeong being the best examples.

Todd Phillips should have known better, as he is a good director with a nice track record. I am extremely disappointed that instead of taking an approach to trying something new while still offering the same type of R-rated college humor, he chose to stick to the formula far too close. You can copy some of the jokes and get away with it, but to imitate the entire three-act structure of the original Hangover is nothing more than lazy and uninspired filmmaking. He still has a few tricks up his sleeve with a few raunchy and hilarious surprises, but far too much potential was wasted in order for me to forgive him.

Bottom Line: You will most likely have a good time watching this if you enjoyed the original. That being said, it will feel exactly like the original---except it's in Bangkok and the setting is much darker. They cranked the ante in conflict, but failed to improve anything or change anything from the 2009 comedy smash hit. Playing it safe hindered this movie, as part of Hangover's appeal was its inability to stick to a formula. Hangover II is funny, but lacks the satisfaction, zaniness, and appeal of the original. Hopefully they can spice things up for the third installment (you know it's coming out, stop lying to yourself) otherwise all I have to do is copy this review and paste it to the third chapter.

9 Moments of Music Inexplicably Missing From Disney World

Walt Disney World is known for its music and its variety. But there is some music that seems to be missing from the parks, and it makes no sense why. Once again, another list. This time it’s the 9 most inexplicable omissions from the background music in the Walt Disney World parks.





#9: Kiss the Girl in Voyage of the Little Mermaid
This attraction is short enough already, honestly. But arguably its best song being totally edited out? That makes no sense. They can really pull off some nice water/special effects for this now-famous scene, and can add some life into this show---which is essentially lifeless when compared to Beauty and the Beast and Fantasmic.




#8: ANY other song in Peter Pan’s Flight
The queue music in Peter Pan’s Flight is barely a minute long. To repeat this constantly in a queue that is known to push one-two hour waits on a daily basis is borderline-torture. Peter Pan despite its flaws has a nice soundtrack, and should be fully utilized.




#7: It’s Not Easy Being Green in the Muppets area
Arguably Kermit the Frog’s most popular song, and I can’t hear it in the Muppets area? What? Huh? How? Why?




#6: Mary Poppins Music in Great Movie Ride Queue
In the Great Movie Ride area, you can hear a lot of themes of classic movies of the past-past like Wizard of Oz, Meet Me in St. Louis, and then randomly Pirates of the Caribbean. But…where is Disney’s most acclaimed and classic-looking movie? Where is the Mary Poppins music in the background? Fascinating how Disney’s only film to garnish 5 Oscars gets no love from all the parks with the exception of a few character sightings.




#5: Frank Sinatra music in the Streets of America
The Streets of America lacks a lot of personality as aside from the occasional Mulch, Sweat, and Shears, there is little reason to stick around besides catching the Lights Motors Action show. With most of the streets resembling New York, why not play music from the man that best represents the old-school feeling of the Big Apple? It only makes so much sense.



#4: Jungle Book Music in Adventureland
Jungle Book is one of the biggest hits in the history of Disney, and it has a very recognizable score and assortment of music. However, its music is nowhere to be found within the jungles of Adventureland. Its already enough that it doesn't have an attraction or anything of those sorts in Magic Kingdom (or Animal) but to totally neglect its soundtrack? That's cold.



#3: Anything not Toy Story in Pixar Place
I understand that Toy Story represents Pixar, but a place called Pixar Place should feature music from their other movies. Where is music from Finding Nemo? Ratatouille? The Incredbles? And worst of all, Up? Up has by far the best musical score from the Pixar movies and is the best I've heard in many many years. However we hear nothing except excerts from the three Toy Story flicks. That's just unnecessary shunning of wonderful music in Disney's repertoire.




#2: Several Modern Day Television Theme Songs in ABC Commissary area
Now, in this area we get these songs to popular television shows in the history of ABC. They range from Batman to Three's Company to Home Improvement. But...no Modern Family, no Dancing With the Stars, no Cougar Town, no Desperate Housewives, and most baffling no Lost or Grey's Anatomy--two shows that virtually saved the network during the harshest ratings times. Why?

P.S. I was wrong. Grey's Anatomy can be heard. But still..no Lost. Hmmph.







#1: Ennio Morricone Music in Great Movie Ride
This is a sin more than an omission. No Good, Bad, and Ugly theme in Great Movie Ride area? No Once Upon a Time in the West? Are you kidding me? I understand that some themes cannot be used because of "competitive" reasons, but Morricone is one of the greatest composers of all-time and not one of his songs is represented in the classically-themed Hollywood Studios. That is a darn shame. And should be fixed. Immediately.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: 7/10

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit is one of my favorite television shows, even though its gone a bit downhill lately. Is it the cast? No, because they are mostly intact. What is actually happening is that each of the main characters, known for their superb chemistry amongst each other, are suddenly spending less screen time with each other and more time to themselves. This story actually has a point. On Stranger Tides suffers the same fate: fantastic cast that don’t spend as much time with each other as we hope. Add some pointless plotlines, a calmer first-third of the flick, and you have yourself the fourth installment of Pirates of the Caribbean.

That being said, its still quite entertaining. On Stranger Tides follows a variety of people searching for the fabled Fountain of Youth. Unfortunately for us, its not just Jack Sparrow. We have Blackbeard, the Spanish, the British (led by Barbossa), Angelica, and more doing the same thing. Subplots pertaining to this quest include Jack’s past with Angelica, Barbossa’s questionable change in character, some random guy falling for some random girl (I am serious, this part was totally pointless), and the pointless Spanish people that flock in and out of the movie.

This is by far the weakest part of the movie, the script. For some odd reason, they borrowed far too much from the novel (whose pacing and themes far differ that of the Pirates brand) and forgot that sometimes simplicity is best---which is what made Curse of the Black Pearl such a great film. It was the easiest to follow, and On Stranger Tides didn’t learn from the previous two installments. To add to that, the script utterly separated everyone, even those with the best on-screen chemistry. Barbossa was barely with Jack Sparrow, Sparrow was rarely with his ex-lover, and worst of all reliable Gibbs spent minimal time with Sparrow. When they are together, the humor, the banter, tension, and the charm works well. When they aren’t, well, the movie drags a bit.

Thank goodness the cast is still on their game. Johnny Depp once again breathes life into the pirate movie with his smart, unpredictable, and hilarious portrayal of Jack Sparrow. Despite what the reviews say, Jack Sparrow’s shtick isn’t getting old as he is still a delight to watch. Geoffrey Rush once again shines as Jack’s best rival Barbossa, as his quiet intentions resemble that of Sparrow in earlier films. Penelope Cruz adds a layer of sexuality that we definitely did not have with the other Pirates of the Caribbeans, it’s just a shame she didn’t have much time with Sparrow. Director Rob Marshall was able to shell out good performances from everyone in the cast, but he definitely wasn’t the man for this job.

Almost all the chase scenes or action sequences were done with very low-lighting and poor camera angles. With the exception of the mesmerizing and chilling mermaid sequence and the opening chase, all the action moments were missing that special touch. While the bizarreness of Gore Verbinski will not be totally missed (although his style worked perfectly in Rango), his ability to crank out excellent stuntwork and fights was sorely missing here. At least we got to see plenty of it, from the opening chase to the final dramatic (and short) showdown. Say whatever you want, but there has yet to be anything that can top the infamous three-way sword fight/old mill showdown from Dead Man’s Chest.

Bottom Line: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is a mix of frustration and fun. There was plenty of potential that wasn’t met because of questionable plotlines, pointless moments, lack of chemistry (once again: writer’s fault. Good going Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio), and uneven direction. All that banter aside, Pirates is also plenty fun with several delightful moments, funny lines, and much more action than the last Pirates flick. Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz and company keep the movie afloat, and prevent it from being a pure bore. But I think the franchise works better when Verbinski is behind the camera. On Stranger Tides is decent summer entertainment, but doesn’t have the inescapable magic and charm of the first two.

My eventual letter to the Tampa Bay Rays

(After yesterday's events, I have decided to write a letter to Tropicana Field. And beware, none of this is happy. And this will (maybe) be my last post about the issue between me and the current homefield status of the Tampa Bay Rays)

My latest adventure into Tropicana Field to support my first-place Rays provided me with enough rage to potentially begin a total protest of the area. Now, living in the edges of Orlando, it takes me about two hours to get to St. Pete and the Tampa Bay area (one and a half if you are driving a bit faster) to get to the Trop. There was a huge game between the first-place Rays and the second-place Yankees. The Rays are trying to end their homefield losing ways, while the Yankees are desperately trying to recover after getting swept by the Red Sox. I arrive to the Trop at around 2:30 to buy tickets at the box office before any potential bad news of there being a sellout.

There were a couple Rays employees collecting money for parking as there were already a few cars wanting to get in and prepare for the matchup. I approached one and told her that we just wanted to go to the box office quickly to buy the tickets. The lady had the nerve, the audacity to tell me that she has to charge me $20, even though I wasn’t even going to park there. I specifically said all I wanted to do was buy the tickets to return later, and her only excuse was that “it’s a Yankee game,” which mildly didn’t even make sense. So if it’s a game against the Tigers or the Mariners, it’s ok for me to head out front to buy tickets and pay for parking later? Why if for a Yankee game all of a sudden it’s an issue? I had to park about half a mile down, leave my brother at a Chinese restaurant, and literally walk towards the stadium, passing by the rude lady who would not let me through.

I arrive at the counter to try to buy ten tickets. I was going to pay in cash and then charge the rest in debit card. And once again, another stupid rule was revealed, as I can only pay in one form of payment. I was with my cousin at the time. So what they wanted us to do was: one of us step back into the line and buy the other half of the tickets in cash, after I purchase my five. Can anyone see a point in this rule? My blood was already boiling, because after all, we suffer enough in Tropicana Field for reasons I shall explain later, and these extra nuisances were just contributing to my hatred of the area.

Now, fast-forwarding to much later while trying to find a parking space amongst the legion of cars, I happen to come across a parking lot that honestly was lacking many, many cars. It was just 20 minutes before gametime, and the man wouldn’t let us through because the lot was only for prepaid parking tickets. He points us to the very next parking lot area. This parking area was $30 for V.I.P. The extremely rude lady barely gave us time to come up with the ridiculous price tag of 30 bucks for parking (by the way, my patience had run thin, which is why I didn’t even bother fighting it) and once we parked, we came to a stunning revelation: the V.I.P. parking is actually farther from the stadium than it is if you were to park from up front a bit early. Why do you even call it V.I.P. parking if it accomplishes nothing V.I.P.-like? It cost me more to park the car as opposed to getting a seat to watch the Yankees. Oh, this story gets better.

This was my first game of 2011 going into the ShiTrop and low and behold, many subtractions from last year. The lineup board outside the stadium is missing, the small Hispanic band that played music on the right field seats is missing, the mildly energetic young group that tried energizing the crowd was missing, almost all the eateries in the third floor of the stadium were boarded up and closed, most of the better eateries (not just serving hot dogs and chips) are just on the first floor, there was random crap just lying around everywhere, and even after all these years the only major change was the turf. Tropicana Field is showing its age, and is beginning to fall apart. What the heck is going on?

I know the Rays aren’t making as much money as the higher-market teams; but being the seventh most-watched team in Major League Baseball, getting plenty of money from the luxury tax, harboring a major cut in player payroll, and maintaining an obvious financial setback in stadium maintenance should count for something. Anything. For goodness sakes, this is the defending AL champion Tampa Bay Rays! Where the hell is their support? Where the heck is anything!? After all these years, it’s still an absolute pain to see them play, it’s still an absolute pain to witness the stadium, and it is still a ridiculous pain to leave the area. In terms of the team, there has been plenty upon plenty of improvement thanks to an incredible manager, an excellent staff, and a farm system that is leagues above and beyond anything we’ve seen in baseball since the Expos. But just like the Expos of the 80s and 90s, they deserve better, much better.


I used to blame the lack of fans. I used to blame their lack of support. I used to blame everyone except the real culprit in all this mess: Tropicana Field and the folks running the dump. This stadium is still a mess, still an ugly jumble of useless garbage that just so happens to have a baseball field. The production value of the stadium remains minimal, the attempts to hype up the already-small crowd remains minimal, and the attempts to improve the experience in the stadium remains nowhere to be seen. I’ve had it, I am done with putting up with the nonsense to support a stadium that clearly is run by people that don’t care much about the Rays, are just there to reap in the profits. We need to fix this stadium now that we are stuck there for the next God-knows-how-many years, and we need to fix the area. It is time to do an overhaul to that vacant lot we call a stadium. It is time for more lights and more police to help with the traffic after a busy game. It is time to actually help the motorists figure out where the interstate is instead of following other cars and begging that they are looking for the same thing.

Florida is the fourth most populated state in the nation. There are 2.7 million people living in the Tampa Bay area, and its not just a simple crowd either. This is the same young crowd that makes USF the eighth largest university in the nation, UF the sixth largest, and UCF the second-largest. Florida isn’t a wasteland for sports, as you see the colleges fill up to the brim when its football season, and these schools aren't easy to reach either. The University of Florida football program is one of the most successful, as their entire 2010 football season was sold out--with the stadium being able to pack 90,000--and Gainesville is in the middle of the boondocks.

P.S. Population of Gainesville: 125,000.
Population of Tampa Bay: 2.7 million

Now check out these numbers:

Orlando Magic: 9th in attendance in NBA (100%)
Miami Heat: 5th in attendance in NBA (100%)
Miami Dolphins: 16th in attendance in NFL (90%)
Orlando Predators: 2nd in attendance in AFL
Tampa Bay Storm: 1st in attendance in AFL
Jacksonville Sharks: 3rd in attendance in AFL
Tampa Bay Lightning: 84% attendance (Top 20 in NHL)
Jacksonville Jaguars: 94% in attendance

P.S. Before you bring up the Florida Marlins, it has less to do with the fanbase and more to do with the owners, which dismantled the squad TWICE after previous years winning the World Series.

So the question is, why is the young, talented, and exciting Tampa Bay squad almost dead last in attendance? Is it because of lack of people? That can’t be the case, with all the attendance numbers I just put up. It just might be, and it most like is, because of Tropicana Field. I know we aren’t going to get a new stadium like the Miami Marlins (which despite low numbers will be sure improve dramatically when the economy improves and their stadium opens up next year) but let’s at least work on what we have. And unfortunately like all my articles about this team might fall on deaf ears because as long as a profit is assembled, I don’t see any extra effort in the future concerning improving the experience of following the Rays.

Bottom Line: I am at the point of purely 100% protesting the stadium because of what I had to put up with this past day when the Rays beat the Yankees. There was no energy in the crowd, and I used to think it was us. For years I used to totally blame the fans. But after more analyzing and digging a little deeper, its baffling that the Central Florida area, an area known for a lively young college crowd embedded in a great nightlife, just flatout doesn’t try to support this exciting baseball team—when we support most of the others. I know if we moved the team further in Tampa, or move the team to Orlando, perhaps even Disney World, then we would see the Rays fans arriving in droves. But until my dreams of seeing the Rays playing in an actually nice stadium come true, I have to put up with the Trop. And I put up with the Trop for many years, and I think my patience is worn out.

Could our fanbase be much better? Of course it can, but it all begins with effort from the other side of the field. We need to see the owners and higher-ups running the franchise to actually care, otherwise we'll see little reason to do the same. We changed the entire name, outlook, color, design, and mindset of the Tampa Bay Rays when we dropped the green colors and the word “Devil.” Why can’t we do the same to Tropicana Field? Why can't we totally fix and change-up Tropicana Field? If I had any power vested in me, I would move this team elsewhere, away from the dismal stadium, away from the shoddy neighboring areas close to the spot, and away from Tampa Bay altogether. If I had that money, I would do whatever it takes to give the team the support they truly deserve. Unfortunately though, I don't have that power, and I have to rely on you guys.


I am not asking for any compensation, I am not asking for a refund.

As a lifelong Rays fan I request one thing:

Fix your damn stadium. I am sick of Tropicana Field.

Sincerely,
Rays Fan

NBA player hungry, NBA player want win!

(Extremely loose Rugrats reference in the title. 15 points if you caught the reference)


This NBA Playoffs has been very interesting, with phenomenal games, incredible moments, and a slew of pleasant surprises. But unlike other playoff years, the talent pool has become so evenly matched, that nearly any team can take out any team. The defending champions of the past couple years were eliminated, and the four teams left standing in the playoffs were not in the Conference Finals the year before---nor the year before that. So the question is what the heck is going on? The answer is simple: the hungriest team wins. Not the most talented, the hungriest.

This is why the Magic are gone. This is why the Lakers are gone. This is why the Celtics are gone. Those three teams I mentioned were far too talented to get knocked out as fast as they did. Nonetheless, it has happened, and we are going to have a new champion because these quieter upstart teams are this new-school NBA league of confident, unselfish, and ready to stand up to any Goliath. This explains the surprise-surprise success of the new-look Mavericks, the Hawks, and most shockingly the Grizzlies.

Let’s start with my team, the Magic, shall we? On paper, this was the only team that can truly stop whom I pick as eventual NBA champion, the Miami Heat. They had the excellent center that could clean up house in the front court, the endless pool of shooters, and enough speed to catch pace with the young Heat. But this Magic squad lacked the magic of the Finals squad a couple years ago—which had this young core of talent that shared the ball, relied on each other, and were not afraid of any opponent. Remember, that Magic squad took down two very intimidating teams the Boston Celtics and the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Rafer Alston, Marcin Gortat, Michael Pietrus, and Courtney Lee quietly transformed a Magic team from a good one to an excellent one with its hustle and phenomenal effort. They were the best Magic squad in history—with the exception of the 1995-1996 Magic. Now, we have none of those players and guess what, the first round we disappeared. Nelson got cocky (never liked him), the rest of the squad dismissed the Hawks as a mere road bump, and 6 games later they are sitting at home watching the Hawks give the Bulls a good fight. The Hawks wanted it more. Were they the better team? Hell and no. But they wanted to win. Talent didn’t matter, because if talent doesn’t show up, there’s no hope. And this is why the Suns trade was a wasted opportunity because there was a man on that squad who wants to win just as bad as anybody else in the NBA. And we are talking about Steve Nash.


We are talking about the two-time MVP, playmaking, hockey mentality, incredibly diverse, incredibly talented and starving Steve Nash. While I was against the trading away of Gortat and Pietrus; if we had given the Suns those two, and add Nelson, we could have gotten Steve Nash, and we would have been a Finals-worthy squad. Imagine Nash running around with the equally fast Dwight Howard constantly spitting buckets. It would have been a match made in heaven. Nelson I have criticized time and time again, and the truth is he isn’t a good point guard. The Magic need a good point guard, a good playmaker, and most of all a man that wants to win. Steve Nash fits that bill like no other.

The Celtics is hands-down the best example of this lack of hunger. Unlike the Magic, whom just got cocky and lowered their guard, the Celtics lost the will to win after upper management ruined a perfect team. The Celtics wanted their vengeance after their disgusting and disgraceful loss to the Lakers in the Finals the year before (Ron Artest beat them...…ARTEST). At the frontend of the season, they were playing hard, they were vicious, and were a force to be reckoned with. And then came the Perkins trade, which can now be classified as one of the stupidest trades in the history of the NBA. Want to know where Perkins went? The Oklahoma City Thunder, who are still in the playoffs.

The Boston Celtics lost their bite, lost their identity, and lost their hunger—they were now full of anguish and despair. They barely squeaked by an injury-ridden New York Knicks squad and were hammered by the same Miami Heat team they had figured out so well just a couple months ago. They did have the talent to beat the Heat, but this Boston squad was nothing like the one that won it all years ago, nothing like the one that entered the finals last year, and nothing like the team we experienced back in December.

The Los Angeles Lakers was the most shocking example of them all. This Laker squad was the defending champions; they had won two in a row for crying out loud. They essentially had the same squad. And they were led by a Hall of Fame player and were being coached by the most successful NBA coach in history. And they were facing the Dallas Mavericks, a team notorious for faltering in the playoffs—especially after their NBA Finals collapse. We were expecting at least a good series; somewhere in the 6-7 game range. Instead we got a 4-game sweep. Kobe Bryant played the same, but the heart just wasn’t there. In the midst of the finger-pointing, yelling, blame game, meltdowns, and shocking emotion displayed by Phil Jackson was a team that was exposed to be one that didn’t have the willpower to fight through 16 games to try to earn that trophy again.

Bottom Line: The NBA is evolving rapidly, as the big squads that had dominated in years past were whimpering and faltering against these small, upstart squads. Even teams that lost in the first round put up good fights: the Indiana Pacers, the Denver Nuggets, Portland Trail Blazers, New York Knicks, and especially the New Orleans Hornets. Now we suddenly have the Memphis Grizzlies upsetting, the Atlanta Hawks upsetting, and even the Dallas Mavericks upsetting. Nobody is safe, and the Magic, Celtics, Lakers, and Spurs have learned this the hard way. The talent is spread quite well all over the NBA, which is good for the league, bad for teams that are expected to win.

This year its not just about how well you play, its about how badly you want to win.

"Halt I am lockout! Halt I am lockout!"
(End very very loose Rugrats reference)

P.S. I still miss the NBA on NBC.

Star Tours Episode II: Star Warsapalooza

Pre-review note: since we are still not allowed to post pictures of the inside of the attraction until its grand opening on the 20th, I am going to post pictures of fruit throughout the review to provide some stimulating visual images while I discuss the new Star Tours attraction. On the 20th I will repost this with images of Star Tours II.



Banana.

Star Tours II is the long-waited, long-overdue sequel to the classic attraction that when first opened was ahead of its time, ahead of the curve, and definitely an immediate hit. While the ride remained entertaining, we all knew it was slightly dated. With Harry Potter over in the theme park dark side becoming a smash success, Disney decided to go to this ride and give it a much needed upgrade. It closed in fall of 2010 (amidst a lot of complaints nonetheless) and the details concerning the ride remained deathly secret. Nobody knew anything for the longest, we all just knew it was going to be 3-D and would have new destinations.

Today was the first sneak preview for Hollywood Studios cast members, and it was the longest shift I had ever worked because it was mere hours before I could finally ride Star Tours again. But at the same time I was deathly afraid that it was going to disappoint because of the recent streak of Disney’s newer attractions….and we are all still trying to mentally recover from the abysmal Pixar parade currently polluting Hollywood Studios. My time has finally arrived, and I entered like a kid waiting for presents on Christmas Eve.



Watermelon.


The queue area is very similar to that of the original, except with a much more modern and cleaned-up look. C-3PO did not look like rusty metal, as he shined and gleamed as he talked to the cast member waiting around. In the next room there was less garbage being moved around, but the two robots inspecting the area hilariously interacted with each other and seemingly with the people waiting in line. The load area was also the same, but looked cleaner, fresher, and much more Star Wars-like. After more endless waiting (It was only 5 minutes, but felt like 555), I was finally seated, with the 3-D glasses, ready to rock. Now, I am strongly against 3-D everything, but I was still willing to give it a shot. It is Star Wars after all.

The ride was like this: a Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, Anniversary, Birthday, Unbirthday, Valentine’s, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Grandparents’ Day, and Graduation present wrapped into one delicious package for Star Wars fans. The more embedded in the Star Wars culture you are, the more you are going to enjoy this ride. In other words, there will be tears and the manliest of men squealing like little girls during Star Wars Weekends. While the original had its subtle Star Wars references, this one has references sprinkling and scattered throughout the entire movie. This one also has a handful of references to the original Star Tours, and even one towards George Lucas himself.



Grapes.


Look at this number: 54. Remember this number: 54. There are 54 different variations of Star Tours---as there are multiple beginnings, multiple destinations, multiple surprises, multiple intermissions, and multiple endings. While the differences are small amongst the variations (aside from the potential destinations) the fact is you can ride this many times and chances are you’ll have a totally different experience. The three times I rode it I got something different, and they range from good to fun to spectacular. On one instance I was racing on Tatooine, on another I was smack in the middle of Hoth (my personal favorite), and even engaged in a high-speed escape in Coruscant, and at one point had a showdown with a familiar foe in Geonosis. I am still missing at least 4 destinations. I am begging, begging that they still kept the original battle on the Death Star from A New Hope.


Begging.



Apples.


The 3-D aspect of the ride is by no means a distraction, and definitely loosely enhances the ride with some cool effects and some cool moments. Could it have been done without the 3-D? Perhaps, with a much wider screen. But the 3-D allows for the action to be closer to your face, as you’ll see many droids come after you, lasers fly towards you in a brisk pace, and even snow scatter through the corners of your eyes. I am not a true convert to 3-D (I will never watch it in movies) but I will accept the fact that in order for Star Tours II to truly function, the glasses are needed.

Now of course, there comes its drawback. You know I had to find one--even though technically it was another Star Wars fan that started this conversation. The first Star Tours had a concrete storyline and it worked; basically a tour went wrong as you land smack inside a battle to destroy the death star. In here however, the chronological order of the adventures you encounter sometimes doesn’t work as you may start off at Hoth (Episode V), but then wind up in the past (Episode III) as you fight in the planet __________ (I can’t spoil every detail now). Disney has backed off a little on adding cohesive storylines to its attractions (What the heck is Toy Story Mania about anyway??) but you aren’t going to care as your tour blasts through multiple destinations in the Star Wars canon. And, they all look spectacular too. Even the locations from the prequels (heh, heh, heh...)



Peaches.



Bottom Line: Star Tours II is not just a remake, but instead a long-overdue (I am re-using these words, I know, shut up) sequel/celebration of the Star Wars franchise, and all the characters, settings, and mayhem involved in the six epic movie chapters. The special effects are definitely improved, the 3-D effects are nice, and the sheer variety of the ride itself doesn’t just warrant but flat-out demands multiple visits. There honestly is little that can be improved upon, as the Imagineers were truly given the freedom (and budget) to create an out-of-the-ordinary experience. If they honestly had the same amount of creativity they imposed on this ride to most other Disney attractions, we would have a totally different Walt Disney World. But that’s another story (and eventually another article). In the meantime, I strongly recommend the new Star Tours, and especially if you are a Star Wars fan.

And then ride it again. And again. And again.






Mango.

Score:
9/10

Improving the World Showcase

Rumors of a Brazilian Pavilion is swirling around Disney World and the Disney Internet, as even some cast members are confirming that some interesting work is being done in Epcot. Now, while I won’t accept anything as true until Disney decides to actually announce it (Or I see some true construction), this rumor is definitely an interesting one. We haven’t had a new pavilion in many many years, and there have barely been any changes to the World Showcase in the past two decades. A few upgrades, a few updates, a short-lived parade, but nothing permanently major. So once again exploring my inner creativity, I’ve composed of a list of changes (some subtle, some major) I would make to the Showcase. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Showcase in nearly every possible way, but it can definitely become something even more special.


Add: Brazil
I am pretty sure no non-North American country visits Disney World as much as the Brazilians, as their college programites and their massive tour groups are subtle Cast Member legends. The fact that there is no Brazil, easily one of the more popular and well-known nations around the world, is rather inexcusable. What’s even worse is that not a single South American country has representation in the World Showcase unless it’s the Food and Wine Festival. Adding Brazil is not just a good idea, it’s a no-brainer.


Add: Russia
When we Americans think of Asia, we think much more along the lines of China and Japan. Russia has changed a lot since its days in the Cold War, yet there’s very little we actually know about the biggest country in the world. Russia is a beautiful country full of life, and culture—even if its history hasn’t been the best. Its about time Russia gets some representation.


Add: Argentina
This one might be tougher to pull off, but with only Mexico representing the Spanish nations, its time for a little more variety. South American Hispanics is far different when compared to that of Central American and Caribbean Hispanics, and adding the very lively and very proud Argentina. We can throw in their incredible cuisine, and definitely should make a movie about all the types of landscape that exists within its borders. However, this idea isn’t as popular as other choices like Brazil and Greece.


Add: Caribbean Pavilion
A little more bias here, but most of the world knows very very little about the Caribbean outside its music and beautiful beaches. I think they should use the Millennium Village building and create a Caribbean Pavilion, full of content, food, and presentations about the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Trinidad, the Virgin Islands, Cuba, and more.


Add: Australia
Australia has no representation in Epcot, in Animal Kingdom, and not even in cinema in Hollywood Studios. Australia has by far among the most interesting history, culture, and landscaping in any developed nation. To add to that: it’s a freakin’ island just full of insanity. Australia would add even more diversity to the World Showcase, from the cuisine to the delightful people that live there.


Add: Miyazaki Ride
Japan is my favorite pavilion, as it’s the most detailed, offers the most merchandise, and potentially has the most space. I feel like I walk around much more in Japan than the other pavilions. However, this country is still lacking its movie that France, Canada, China, and Norway. What if, instead of a movie we get a ride based off of the country’s most celebrated animator, Miyazaki? He is practically the Japanese version of Walt Disney, and a slow boat ride through several scenes of his greatest movies: including Castle in the Sky, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Ponyo, etc. It would definitely be a break from just another beautiful movie representing a country, it would be a potentially beautiful ride about beautiful movies (except for Spirited Away, but that’s a film critic’s opinion)


Add: Movies to Every Pavilion Missing One
Impressions of France and Reflections of China are two beautiful attractions truly showcasing the diverse beauty of the countries they represent. And I believe every pavilion that is missing a film should offer it. Mexico needs one, Germany needs one, Italy (especially, considering the vagueness of the pavilion) needs one, Morocco needs one, and the United Kingdom needs one as well. What’s the best part of these movies is that they don’t require as much space when compared to a ride, and Epcot still has plenty of room left.


Subtract: Norway
It hurts to do this, but the one pavilion wit the least amount of love is Norway, as their restaurant is now a character buffet, their ride is really quite mediocre, and the entire area looks and feels like an afterthought. This is the country I visit the least, and if it weren’t for Kim Possible, it would probably just remain a pass-by area for all guests. I would replace this land in a heartbeat with Russia or Australia.


Subtract: African Outpost
I don’t even have to explain myself, this place is practically nothing, easily the weakest part of the Showcase. Besides the amazing wood-carver, there s no reason to even stand to look around. Plenty of available space for an actual pavilion, getting rid of Outpost would surely improve the Showcase.


Change: Impressions of France
It is a great attraction with wonderful scenery, great editing, a nice narration, and flawless music blasting away while you are engulfed in the images. But, it is horrifically dated, and remains the last of the movies in the Showcase to be updated. Why? No idea, but its about time we see some new images of France, as a lot has changed in the country since the 80s.

And finally, this idea will never sit through because of the sheer absurdity of it all (I wouldn’t even put it on my list because of its impossibility) but I would obliterate the American Adventure. Epcot is INSIDE America, so why does it need ANY representation at all? If I had my way, Future World would show the progress of American technology and the future of life in America, as well as around the world. Future World should become our “American Adventure,” and the colonial stuff (which is already featured not-so-prominently in the Magic Kingdom) should be pushed away to make space for one (perhaps even two) pavilions. Now, like I said, nobody would ever approve this idea amongst the higher-ups in Disney World, but hey, I can dream can’t I?

So now I ask you, what changes would YOU make to the World Showcase?

The Quality Turnaround of Mainstream Music

Several months ago I challenged everyone playing rock music nowadays to try to create a comeback, try to become epic again. Not since the nu-metal days between 1998-2001 has rock become a prevalent force in mainstream music. Whether it’s because of the 9/11 attacks changing the tone, the massive rise of hip-hop, or sheer lack of originality and creativity, the genre has been dying a dismal death in recent years. Gone are the days of the 90s, when grunge ruled, and then it followed with a subtle punk movement followed by new subgenres of metal floating nearby. And after I challenged everyone, a funny thing happened: music started improving in every shape or form—except for rock music. After what I thought was a much poorer decade of music, the 2010s have hit the ground running and have delivered some incredible stuff.

But most unexpectedly, they are coming from the genres I usually complain about most: country, pop, hip-hop, and even rap. Rock music is still the only genre still lagging behind, as we are reaching a musical revolution I could have never predicted, as they come from the most unlikely sources. The most drastic change is coming from pop music. After the boy band battles ceased to exist, pop took a heavy hit and had a tough time delivering anything worthy of listening past a week. And then came Lady Gaga and her extremely unique style vocally, lyrically, and visually.



Lady GaGa hammered a slew of tracks that scream of originality while still having that pop feel. The difference is these are also good dance tracks, and tracks that actually tap into adult contemporary. Gaga is the most original female artist since Madonna, and like Madonna she mixes great singing vocals with minor controversy, high-energy performances, and a relentless lack of care towards what people think of her. While she started before my musical revolution announcement, her style has carried over to this new decade as her music continues to be played heavily in the dance floor and radio stations across America.


Now, we have Kesha, Rihanna, and Katy Perry helming this flower power overthrow of pop music. They all have their very unique styles that separate themselves from everyone else while showcasing decent talent and a knack for good production. And Rihanna is the Unique Queen of R&B, after her start as a teen queen of the reggae scene. She re-invents herself so often, she seems to change looks with every single. To add to that, she is arguably the best featured singer in the past 20 years, as she has breathed life into tracks made by Eminem, Jay-Z, T.I., and Kanye West). This shapeshifting technique in music doesn’t happen often enough, and little things like this keep the music scene fresh. After years of the same artist doing the same thing, it’s good to see these females change it up a little.


But in terms of originality, it has become hard to top the latest to hit the scene: Nicki Minaj. She is the best new rapper in the business in a very long time because she is as original, intense, and confident as they come. She can sing like the best of them, but can verbally rip you apart with a slick spitting of lyrics in a quick pace. She is arguably the Lady Gaga of rap, as she changes looks with every video, and seemingly with every appearance. Her versatility is impressive too, as in a couple years she’s already been seen with Lil’ Wayne, Eminem, Drake, Britney Spears (yes, you read that correctly), Mariah Carey (Keep reading, honestly), Trey Songz, Rihanna, and even The Lonely Island (a.k.a the makers of “Jizz in my Pants”). Throw in some alter egos, some hot rivalries, and the approval of Slim Shady, and we have one of the biggest reasons why hip-hop is suddenly sounding fresher than usual.

Another phenomenon being explored is the lack of borders amongst the rappers, leading to more crossovers and more mix-ups and mash-ups. There isn’t much beef left, especially when compared to the 90s and the 2000s. Even Nas and Jay-Z are getting along. And the best part? No Fat Joe and the Pathetic Squad. So with this we have A-list rappers playing second banana to other, not-as-popular artists, leading to some great results. Lil’ Wayne is the best example, and it’s good to see rappers like him become heavily involved in the genre rather than focus on just himself.


While Lil’ Wayne is practically and arguably on top of the rap world, he doesn’t mind taking a backseat and performing last—with “Look at me Now” and “Let it Rock,” “Forever,” “Give it up to Me,” (He collaborated with Shakira, what rapper can boast this?), “No Love,” and much more. Eminem, 50 Cent, Busta Rhymes and Jay-Z, already veterans, can be seen collaborating much more often these days. These collaborations continuously produce interesting results, with my favorite recent examples being “Roman’s Revenge” (seriously, one of the best diss tracks I’ve heard in a long time) and Baby (Ludacris, what the heck!?!?). The only thing keeping back rap from being even better is prison, as our better rappers tend to screw up with the law, leading to "delays" (Lil' Wayne, T.I., DMX anyone?). So with hip-hop and rap rising, with country and pop even sounding a bit better, what’s going on with rock?


The best of rock music nowadays is coming from overseas. Honestly, the only rock music I’ve actually enjoyed in the past couple years has been coming from Band of Skulls, a garage rock band that seems to have taken the throne from White Stripes, whom have retired. This band, from England by the way, has the variety, talent, and creativity to separate themselves from the really dismal scene of rock we’ve been seeing. And then there’s The Heavy, another group from overseas providing some indie flavor to the watery rock tone of today. Older bands are not sounding the same anymore, very few bands are rising, and there hasn’t been a major push to change the scene. I challenged them a year ago, and nobody has responded. If you honestly disagree, name me rock-worthy examples in the past two years. Honestly.

Bottom Line: This is a cruel critic finally acknowledging that the genres of music I had been criticizing for years upon years is rising up to the challenge and releasing actually good music. It is no longer undeniable pain turning on the radio and turning to the modern mainstream stations. While rock and metal refuses to improve and change their ways, we have pop improving, hip-hip improving, rap especially improving (Lil’ Wayne and Eminem, its good to see you back), and even country (Lady Antebellum and the rise of New-Country isn’t too bad…) seeing better days. I hope this can continue, as the mainstream not only notices originality making a comeback, they are embracing it by turning songs by Gaga and Rihanna into #1 smash hits. So yes, this is me admitting it, but music is getting better.

The 90s is still better though.

P.S. Shout Out to the highly addicting and unique track "Forget You" by Cee Lo Green.