The Chore of Movie Theater Visits

So I thought about going to the movies. Thought about it. There was Lincoln Lawyer, Limitless, Sucker Punch, and perhaps even the sequel to Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Don’t let my usual sarcasm fool you, I actually enjoyed the original. Honestly. Really). But then I thought about the prices of the movies. Then I thought about the prices of the food. Then I thought about all the financial risks to watching a flick. Then I thought about the potential of jerks and twerps watching the movie. And all the thinking convinced me not to watch anything. And this is not normal for a film major. Should not be normal for a film major.

I am supposed to be excited to watch a movie. I am supposed to watch a movie every week. I am supposed to be on top of the latest releases, writing extremely critical reviews that nobody will read because I critique the most random and inconspicuous things. That used to be me. What happened to the film major in me? Did I stop loving movies? Impossible, I still reference movies all the time ("You can't park that animal over there, its illegal!"), and I still write movies on a nearly daily basis. The truth is, going to the theaters has become more of a hassle than ever before.

Movie theaters have emerged from a let’s-go-now activity into a let’s-plan-this-ahead chore. The good ol’ days in which you can watch a movie and have a snack at less than $10 have diminished—unless you find a shoddy one in the corner of a dark neighborhood. Oh and have fun being Rico Suave and paying for everything when taking your date to the movies. Movie theaters are becoming ridiculous by jacking up the prices of the movie tickets, jacking up the prices of their food and beverages, and offering next to nothing in terms of trying to enhance the way we watch movies---outside the Godforsaken 3-D glasses which have been around since the 50s technically.

As a matter of fact, movie-watching has gotten even worse by getting rid of ushers, allowing people to enter a movie theater late, and worst of all not doing anything to combat the pissholes that try to become comedians in the middle of a movie. In order for for me to watch a movie with an audience that is guaranteed to be paying attention and not dick around, I'd have to go to the midnight showings of every flick. And while technically that is cheaper and ultimately more enjoyable, that's also going to cut back on my sleep. So what the heck should we do to make movies enjoyable again? Go back to the basics, and get back to reality. ("Hey I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home now?")

First off, the prices. Check this out:

Average ticket prices:
1950: $0.53
1960: $0.69
Difference $+0.16

1980: $2.69
1990: $4.23
Difference: $+1.54

2000: $5.39
2010: $7.89
Difference: $+2.50

2011: $8.01 (Excluding 3-D)
With 3-D: $11.01
With IMAX: $11.01
With IMAX and 3-D: $14.01

That's ridiculous. In the 90s, we used to have $1.50 theaters for older movies. Good luck finding those in this day and age. Now if you want to see a high-quality movie, you have to pay over $11. Now, yes inflation should be taken into account, but now we have options. We can opt out to Netflix, Redbox, Amazon, XBox Live, the Nintendo Wii, and even YouTube and all this is a heck of a lot cheaper. We can purchase beautiful HDTVs and Blu-Ray players or high-quality DVD players and nearly get that same movie theater experience for ultimately a lot cheaper when compared to seeing movies all the time outside the home. The price hikes and purely insane extra additions have to stop. Movie theater companies need to draw the line somewhere. Let's scale back on the tickets. $5 for a new movie. $7 for 3-D and HDTV. $3 for kids. $3 for seniors. Forking over a Lincoln sounds much more reasonable than giving away a Hamilton.

Now, it is true that movie studios do have a small voice in picking the prices of the flicks, but the food prices is all fault of AMC and whatever other theater company exists. Nearly $5 for an apple juice? Nearly $4 for a small bag of popcorn? $7 for dark chocolate? Now, I know I am in Tourist Country, but most movie theaters are guilty as charged with this same terrible phenomenon. Once the baseball park has cheaper prices on food, we are reaching an issue here. Craft a dollar menu of some sort, and press mildly higher prices for larger and higher-valued items. Trust me, it is cheap and a quick profit in terms of popcorn. Popcorn prices should never be higher than Disney prices...never ever. ("I've got to save Bubba!!!")

Now, ushers. We hire people to sell the tickets, to rip the tickets, and sometimes (I put that word in mildly) to check the tickets at the door before the movie starts. So why not enhance the moviegoing experience by re-creating the usher position? These people will be in charge of making sure we don't have teenage punks ruining a movie. They carry a blinding flashlight and blind the misbehaving peeps (kids will be forgiven, unless the movie swerves past PG-13, in which case the parents are punished). This will not only help things, but can also create jobs, which is sorely needed in this country (I am politically moving this issue..). And ESPECIALLY with movie theaters serving alcohol nowadays..

Lastly, movie theaters needs a fresh new look, a fresh new take. Now how awesome would it be movie theater companies pushed to play older movies every so often? That way the newbies can relive the experiences that older folks got to witness and will never forget. Who can ever forget their first visual encounter with the T-Rex in Jurassic Park? Or the attack sequence in Independence Day? Or the opening to the Lion King? Or better yet, their first encounter with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters? Movie theaters should push for re-releases of old-old-old-old school movies like Psycho, Casablanca, Rear Window, Singin' in the Rain, The Gold Rush, City Lights, and others that reflect the long-beloved Golden Age of Hollywood. Sometimes reliving the past can also lead to success---just ask Nintendo. And the New York Knicks (ZING!!!!!)

Bottom Line: I am a film major that loves movies, but is beginning to hate going to movie theaters. And it shouldn't be this way. I should not have to second-guess new releases because odds are I will Netflix it months later. I miss the going to the theater with someone and seeing a new movie with an audience and collectively invest in the characters and the plot. Watching 300 and Transformers at home is absolutely nothing like seeing those types of movies with an audience. Try watching a horror movie by yourself as compared to a unsuspecting crowd of viewers. Totally different. ("This is where we fight! This is where they die!!")

After decades of sitting comfortably, these movie theater companies are suddenly losing money, losing the amount of visitors, while at the same time stripping away the value of the experience and still increase the prices. Movie theaters left and right are dropping and folding because of the lack of crowds. We need a change. Otherwise, I might even be Netflixing the summer blockbusters. We can fix this. Let's fix it together. Make it cheap. Preserve the event for all its worth. And for goodness sakes add some variety, something fresh to the mix.

Make going to the movies actually......fun again.