The Chore of Movie Theater Visits

So I thought about going to the movies. Thought about it. There was Lincoln Lawyer, Limitless, Sucker Punch, and perhaps even the sequel to Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Don’t let my usual sarcasm fool you, I actually enjoyed the original. Honestly. Really). But then I thought about the prices of the movies. Then I thought about the prices of the food. Then I thought about all the financial risks to watching a flick. Then I thought about the potential of jerks and twerps watching the movie. And all the thinking convinced me not to watch anything. And this is not normal for a film major. Should not be normal for a film major.

I am supposed to be excited to watch a movie. I am supposed to watch a movie every week. I am supposed to be on top of the latest releases, writing extremely critical reviews that nobody will read because I critique the most random and inconspicuous things. That used to be me. What happened to the film major in me? Did I stop loving movies? Impossible, I still reference movies all the time ("You can't park that animal over there, its illegal!"), and I still write movies on a nearly daily basis. The truth is, going to the theaters has become more of a hassle than ever before.

Movie theaters have emerged from a let’s-go-now activity into a let’s-plan-this-ahead chore. The good ol’ days in which you can watch a movie and have a snack at less than $10 have diminished—unless you find a shoddy one in the corner of a dark neighborhood. Oh and have fun being Rico Suave and paying for everything when taking your date to the movies. Movie theaters are becoming ridiculous by jacking up the prices of the movie tickets, jacking up the prices of their food and beverages, and offering next to nothing in terms of trying to enhance the way we watch movies---outside the Godforsaken 3-D glasses which have been around since the 50s technically.

As a matter of fact, movie-watching has gotten even worse by getting rid of ushers, allowing people to enter a movie theater late, and worst of all not doing anything to combat the pissholes that try to become comedians in the middle of a movie. In order for for me to watch a movie with an audience that is guaranteed to be paying attention and not dick around, I'd have to go to the midnight showings of every flick. And while technically that is cheaper and ultimately more enjoyable, that's also going to cut back on my sleep. So what the heck should we do to make movies enjoyable again? Go back to the basics, and get back to reality. ("Hey I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home now?")

First off, the prices. Check this out:

Average ticket prices:
1950: $0.53
1960: $0.69
Difference $+0.16

1980: $2.69
1990: $4.23
Difference: $+1.54

2000: $5.39
2010: $7.89
Difference: $+2.50

2011: $8.01 (Excluding 3-D)
With 3-D: $11.01
With IMAX: $11.01
With IMAX and 3-D: $14.01

That's ridiculous. In the 90s, we used to have $1.50 theaters for older movies. Good luck finding those in this day and age. Now if you want to see a high-quality movie, you have to pay over $11. Now, yes inflation should be taken into account, but now we have options. We can opt out to Netflix, Redbox, Amazon, XBox Live, the Nintendo Wii, and even YouTube and all this is a heck of a lot cheaper. We can purchase beautiful HDTVs and Blu-Ray players or high-quality DVD players and nearly get that same movie theater experience for ultimately a lot cheaper when compared to seeing movies all the time outside the home. The price hikes and purely insane extra additions have to stop. Movie theater companies need to draw the line somewhere. Let's scale back on the tickets. $5 for a new movie. $7 for 3-D and HDTV. $3 for kids. $3 for seniors. Forking over a Lincoln sounds much more reasonable than giving away a Hamilton.

Now, it is true that movie studios do have a small voice in picking the prices of the flicks, but the food prices is all fault of AMC and whatever other theater company exists. Nearly $5 for an apple juice? Nearly $4 for a small bag of popcorn? $7 for dark chocolate? Now, I know I am in Tourist Country, but most movie theaters are guilty as charged with this same terrible phenomenon. Once the baseball park has cheaper prices on food, we are reaching an issue here. Craft a dollar menu of some sort, and press mildly higher prices for larger and higher-valued items. Trust me, it is cheap and a quick profit in terms of popcorn. Popcorn prices should never be higher than Disney prices...never ever. ("I've got to save Bubba!!!")

Now, ushers. We hire people to sell the tickets, to rip the tickets, and sometimes (I put that word in mildly) to check the tickets at the door before the movie starts. So why not enhance the moviegoing experience by re-creating the usher position? These people will be in charge of making sure we don't have teenage punks ruining a movie. They carry a blinding flashlight and blind the misbehaving peeps (kids will be forgiven, unless the movie swerves past PG-13, in which case the parents are punished). This will not only help things, but can also create jobs, which is sorely needed in this country (I am politically moving this issue..). And ESPECIALLY with movie theaters serving alcohol nowadays..

Lastly, movie theaters needs a fresh new look, a fresh new take. Now how awesome would it be movie theater companies pushed to play older movies every so often? That way the newbies can relive the experiences that older folks got to witness and will never forget. Who can ever forget their first visual encounter with the T-Rex in Jurassic Park? Or the attack sequence in Independence Day? Or the opening to the Lion King? Or better yet, their first encounter with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters? Movie theaters should push for re-releases of old-old-old-old school movies like Psycho, Casablanca, Rear Window, Singin' in the Rain, The Gold Rush, City Lights, and others that reflect the long-beloved Golden Age of Hollywood. Sometimes reliving the past can also lead to success---just ask Nintendo. And the New York Knicks (ZING!!!!!)

Bottom Line: I am a film major that loves movies, but is beginning to hate going to movie theaters. And it shouldn't be this way. I should not have to second-guess new releases because odds are I will Netflix it months later. I miss the going to the theater with someone and seeing a new movie with an audience and collectively invest in the characters and the plot. Watching 300 and Transformers at home is absolutely nothing like seeing those types of movies with an audience. Try watching a horror movie by yourself as compared to a unsuspecting crowd of viewers. Totally different. ("This is where we fight! This is where they die!!")

After decades of sitting comfortably, these movie theater companies are suddenly losing money, losing the amount of visitors, while at the same time stripping away the value of the experience and still increase the prices. Movie theaters left and right are dropping and folding because of the lack of crowds. We need a change. Otherwise, I might even be Netflixing the summer blockbusters. We can fix this. Let's fix it together. Make it cheap. Preserve the event for all its worth. And for goodness sakes add some variety, something fresh to the mix.

Make going to the movies actually......fun again.

The 40 Greatest Nintendo Handheld Games (The Top 10)

Part 2 is here

Part 1 is here

And now, the Top 10 best handheld games Nintendo has ever released--up to this point.



10) Tetris
Year: 1989
System: Game Boy

When the Game Boy was first announced, there was speculation as to whether or not people are willing to fork over good money to play video games on a much smaller screen. You needed specific types of games to truly push the machine to good sales. Tetris became that game. It was extremely easy to learn, and extremely difficult to put down. There were no levels, no quests, just a simple puzzle game that becomes extremely addicting no matter how many times you have played this before. And to add to that, this Tetris was the closest to the original design invented earlier that decade—far more accurate than the Atari and NES versions.

The Nintendo Game Boy’s mammoth success in the early 90s was because of Tetris: it was the perfect pick-up-and-go video game that compliments the handheld better than any other game. If you are a gamer, you have played this game at one point or another—whether it’s the Game Boy version, the console version, the computer version, or the cell phone version. But in most gamers’ hearts, it’s the original Game Boy version that excels the best, no question about it.


9) Pokemon Red/Blue
Year: 1998
System: Game Boy

The original Game Boy was already a great success story and affirmed Nintendo’s stranglehold in the industry. But there was no denying that the Game Boy was aging quite a bit in the later 90s when systems like the N64 and Playstation were cranking out incredible games with incredible graphics. The black-and-white can only work for so long. And then came Pokemon. This game breathed so much life into the Game Boy; it’s arguably the reason why the inferior Game Boy Color didn’t flop. Pokemon was a new type of RPG, a new type of video game, and a new franchise that turned into an utter phenomenon that could have lasted longer if not for overexposure.

Pokemon Red and Blue threw gamers into a totally new and massive world full of monsters to collect, trainers to fight, side-quests to complete, and ultimately, a couple cities to save. It may seem trivial now, but back in 1998, a handheld game with 8 badges, over a dozen cities to visit, 150 monsters to catch, and a plethora of small adventures to complete (ranging from entering a haunted house to fighting an evil organization inside a mysterious building) was extremely impressive to a point of nearly overwhelming. And while many sequels have been made, it has still been impossible to top the magic and wonder of the original.

And then there’s the multi-player……………


8) Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins
Year: 1992
System: Game Boy

Super Mario Land was one of the launch titles of the Game Boy, and became an instant hit. That being said, it really did not feel like a Mario game. It was lacking the Mario look, and the Mario feel. Super Mario even fought in submarines and airplanes for crying out loud. It was fun, but quite bizarre. Super Mario Land 2 however would improve upon all these things, and still maintain its extensive variety that made it not just a knockaround from the consoles. 6 Golden Coins was our first experience dealing with Wario, Mario’s first array into outer space, and Mario’s first time battling inside a house. Check that: Mario travels into space, into an abandoned submarine, inside a robotic Mario, into a haunted pumpkin, and so much more.

30+ stages, many great power-ups, plenty of grand variety, two different difficulties, and so much more, Mario Land 2 is arguably the Game Boy’s first epic quest. This would be the last side-scrolling Mario game for over a decade, but its hard to understand why, because we appreciated and praised this gem with open arms. Just wait until this comes out on the 3DS so you can relive its awesomeness.


7) Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons/Ages
Year: 2001
System: Game Boy Color

This type of insanity is never tested out in the consoles, and that’s a pure shame. Take a celebrated franchise, split a massive adventure into two, have them connected in multiple ways, and offer two styles of gameplay within the two titles. Oracle of Seasons was more action, while Oracle of Ages was more exploration. So depending on what type of Zelda you prefer, the game was available. You can play the games in whatever order you desire, as the mix of a game link cable and a password system created different gameplay experiences.

We can never get enough Zelda, and these two handheld games perfectly borrowed from Link’s Awakening and gave us a reason to buy the inferior Game Boy Color at that time. A lot to see, a lot to explore, and a lot of quests to fulfill, Oracle of Seasons/Ages are the most overlooked Zelda games when we are discussing adventure classics.


6) Yoshi’s Island: Super Mario Advance 3
Year: 2002
System: Game Boy Advance

Yoshi’s Island wasn’t just another game: this is easily, no-question-about-it one of the 10 greatest video games of all-time. It was so graphically and artistically ahead of the curve that the Game Boy Advance has trouble porting some of the cooler effects seen in the SNES version. This is the Mario game with the strongest cult following, as its uniqueness and purely innovative gameplay has created a fanbase that has asked for more of this style of gameplay (Which to this day has just resulted in disappointments: Yoshi’s Story, Yoshi’s Island DS).

So why is this game so high on the list? Because it not only replicated the original game with almost everything intact, but also added some sound effects, and added six extra levels. Then there’s the hidden ending. Then there’s the multi-player mode with the original Mario Bros. appearing in the pack. While Mario World and Mario 64 were superior games, Yoshi’s Island received the best treatment in terms of making a handheld sequel.


5) Wario Ware Twisted
Year: 2005
System: Game Boy Advance

If you want examples of Nintendo slowly incorporating motion-sensor gameplay to its video games, look no further than the vastly underrated and purely addicting Wario Ware Twisted. They took the concept of the original insanity that is Wario Ware, and expanded upon it in so many ways you can’t help but become impressed. Becoming one of the few games in history with arguably more hidden goodies and games than actual gameplay, Wario Ware Twisted contains dozens of little microgames you must complete by moving the Game Boy around, taking advantage of the motion-sensor technology. What starts out as a little gimmick turns into a fantastically fun game that results in many multi-player matches, nearly a dozen mini-games to discover, and so much hidden material it will take months to discover it all.

While the lack of success makes it hard to link this game to the eventual Nintendo Wii, the folks at Nintendo clearly knew they were in the right track, as this game quietly received universal acclaim from critics, bloggers, and even some competitors. Creativity should be rewarded, and it’s safe to say that Wario Ware Twisted was the first game of its kind: crazy, unpredictable, and just balls-out fun. Try to put this game down after five minutes, I dare you. What other game allowed you to play Super Mario Bros. without a control pad?


4) Mario Kart DS
Year: 2005
System: Nintendo DS

After the very disappointing Double Dash, we were ready to welcome single-kart racing with open arms. Now add the fact that it has over 30 courses, multiple multi-player modes, many courses from the previous Mario Karts, an improved A.I., less cheapness, more skill required, an online mode, and a much deeper vehicle system, and we have ourselves one of the greatest racing games of all-time. It fired on nearly all cylinders and delivered beautifully. The graphics were excellent, the musical score was an improvement over Double Dash, and the game was the toughest since the original Mario Kart. So why is this not higher?

The coulda woulda shoulda rule. Mario Kart DS already had the capability to re-create Double Dash courses, but yet failed to duplicate all the courses of an entire game----like Super Circuit did with Super Mario Kart. Now, while the level design was by no means wrong, Mario Kart 64 still gets no love even though it remains the racer with the best level design in Nintendo racing history. All Mario Kart DS had to do was pull a Super Circuit and bring in all the Mario Kart 64 tracks (and maybe more, it had the memory capabilities), and it would have definitely been Top 3, maybe even closer to #1. Despite that, Mario Kart DS was an incredible new chapter in racing game history by finally allowing Mario Kart to go one place it should have gone to years before: online.


3) Wario Land II
Year: 1998
System: Game Boy

If you are shocked by how high this game is on the list, it’s only because you forgot about how good it is, and you forgot how I like my video games. This game is so innovative; it’s hard to believe that more platformers (more games for that matter) don’t copy the same strategy. Actually, this game was so overlooked I say it was underrated by the critics. Get this: a handheld game with 52 levels, multiple ways to beat the game, several mini-games, multiple endings, and the inability to die. That’s right, you can’t die. But, the game ups the challenge by offering frustrating platform moments, many puzzles, and multiple annoying obstacles that result in you having to start a level all over again. And just because you beat the game once doesn’t mean you’ve played all the levels. It takes about a half-dozen playthroughs to get everything.

The inability to die made this game quite creative, as it found multiple ways to force you to re-do certain levels. Now add the multiple storyline syndrome: for example if in the very first level you do not wake up, then you start off in a totally different quest as opposed to if you wake up and try to shut off the alarm clock. The game is clever, fast-paced, funny, quite difficult, and just the pinnacle in simplistic platform gaming. It created the ultimate strategy to creating the flawless platformer; which has resulted in few followers—and I am including the exact same franchise after Wario Land 3. This game is pure mayhem, and pure fun.


2) The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening
Year: 1993
System: Game Boy

I’m pretty sure back then they said it couldn’t be done. After the masterpiece that was Link to the Past, we had a lot of skeptics saying that you could not transform such an epic display of gaming into a small portable device. Link’s Awakening proved the entire world dead wrong by proving one of the biggest and best adventures from any game in any system at any given moment. Link is away from his usual battlegrounds of Hyrule into a very unique world full of lovable people, fun little areas, and of course, dungeons. This game has all the fantastic gameplay of the Zelda series that we have grown to love. To add to that, there are cameo appearances of other Nintendo characters, side-scrolling Mario Bros.-like gameplay, mini-games, and plenty of side-quests to keep you occupied. Topping it all is a beautiful story that although has a minor cop-out ending, still had its majestic moments.

Link’s Awakening became the big sales-booster of the Game Boy in 1993, and it would be years before a game did such help for the Game Boy (See: Pokemon). There honestly is nothing wrong with this game, as it is a must-play for all gamers young and old. If developers would but more effort into their games, pushing the graphical, audio, and memory capabilities of the consoles and handheld systems, the current state of gaming would be much better. In the meantime though, we have Link’s Awakening to remember and hope to see on a re-release in the near future.









1) Pokemon Gold/Silver

Year: 2000

System: Game Boy



Repeat after me, and very slowly: Pokemon Silver is arguably and perhaps the greatest role-playing game of all-time, not just within Nintendo. Now, that previous statement may sound blasphemous to those that are fans of Final Fantasy VI, VII, Chrono Trigger, Super Mario RPG, etc. But just hear me out: Pokemon Silver expanded the franchise into new heights, broke so much new ground that it makes the latter versions seem weak and miniscule. This game wore out the battery of your Game Boy as there was so much to do, see, and explore, your real life was slowly being lived only to continue playing this. The amount of ways you can beat this game is endless, and the amount of hidden fun embedded in this RPG is nothing short of impressive.

The original Pokemon was great, but this game improved upon everything: the weaknesses AND strengths. This game took the original length of the game and practically doubled it. Here is what you see in Gold/Silver: Hundreds of new Pokemon appeared (as well as nearly all the originals), backwards-compatibility with the original game to complete your collection, Pokemon breeding and babies (resulting in some potentially sinister Pokemon raised from level 5), 16 badges instead of 8, two massive overworlds, twice as many encounters against Team Rocket and your rival, a clock system, a day/night system, a days-of-the-week system (resulting in different events occurring on different days), the ability to exchange numbers with other trainers (for rematches or discoveries of new Pokemon), an expansion of stats and Pokemon types, Pokemon genders resulting in different stats, and finally, a showdown against Ash himself. We literally could not ask for anymore, as I am sure the Game Boy would explode if they had tried to fit anything else.

The Pokemon franchise like I have said a million times before can go places, can truly go the distance, can truly push the envelope, and Pokemon Gold/Silver became the very first (and to this date ONLY) game in the franchise to truly attempt something big, different, and improved. All other variations of Pokemon after this one cut back on things, failed to improve on others, and just screwed up all the potential. How on earth can Pokemon Black and White NOT have more badges and gameplay hours than Gold/Silver (On much superior hardware I must add)? Rudy, Sapphire, Dianomd, Pearl, Black, and White aren’t bad games, but they look pathetic for as long as we still remember the existence of Pokemon Gold/Silver: the greatest handheld game of all-time.

.............and let's not forget that awesome multi-player...................





Here’s to hoping the 3DS delivers more epic games from the crazy world of Nintendo.

Cheers.

The 40 Greatest Nintendo Handheld Games (Part 2)

Part 1 Can Be Found Here



#20: Super Mario Bros. DX
Year: 1999
System: Game Boy Color

Everyone knows Super Mario Bros. changed the face of gaming and entertainment history, yadda yadda yadda. What people don’t tend to remember was the spectacular remake the Game Boy Color received over a decade later. Take the original classic, add a challenge mode, add a slew of extra goodies, some printable material, and an entire extra video game secretly hidden (The Lost Levels), and you have yourself hands-down one of the best remakes of any video game of all-time. It is very hard to improve on near-perfection, but Deluxe accomplishes just that.


#19: Donkey Kong Land
Year: 1995
System: Game Boy

Donkey Kong Country was a massive smash hit that ended the Genesis/SNES console wars by easily giving the edge to Nintendo. So of course Nintendo wanted to duplicate the mammoth success to the handheld. The question was if they could imitate the then-state-of-the-art graphics in a system with much less capabilities. The end result was that although it lacked the colors, it definitely had the look, the style, the attitude, and the addicting gameplay of the SNES version—-and with a slew of original levels too. The originality and creativity of the original was never duplicated in the sequels, and that’s why DKL1 has a spot on this list.


#18: Mario Kart: Super Circuit
Year: 2001
System: Game Boy Advance

One of the best franchises out there has got to be the addicting and usually-unfair Mario Kart. It is simplified, arcade-style racing that is easy to learn, fun to master, and much more fun when challenging others. Super Circuit is no different, by offering 20 original courses and then upping the value factor by adding the entire SNES Mario Kart catalog. That alone makes it a worthy purchase, but now add the multi-player mode, very slick graphics, and superb racing gameplay that none of the consoles have been able to duplicate ever since its release. If you like racing games, this is an absolute must-own.


#17: Metal Gear Solid: Ghost Babel
Year: 2000
System: Game Boy Color

Take the original Metal Gear and Metal Gear II and improve upon them in every single possible way, shape, form. You have Metal Gear Solid, but not the PSX version, but the totally neglected and forgotten Game Boy Color version. Picture this: 13 stages, over 150+ extra missions, many different ways to beat the game, a great storyline, and a fun multi-player mode to boot. This wasn’t just a shameless ploy to make money after the surprise-surprise Playstation smash hit: this was a legitimate new and original Metal Gear quest with a lot of great gameplay and wonderful moments. And none of the overlong and drawn-out cinematic sequences seen in the recent Metal Gear Solid titles.


#16: Advance Wars
Year: 2001
System: Game Boy Advance

The only reason this game didn’t hit magnificent sales wasn’t because of quality, but timing. This game came out right before 9/11, which really hindered its sales. Unfortunately, the franchise never reached the peaks of Mario, Zelda, and Pokemon. However, this game was so addicting, clever, and fun, it deserves such fame. It is a mix of RPG, strategy, and turn-based tactics that not only ushered in a wave of similar video games, but set the benchmark for all strategy games. The mix of replayability, addictiveness, and easiness to pick up and play doesn’t happen often, especially with this genre. But Advance Wars is a definite exception, as it is the strategy game chess wishes it was.


#15: Golden Sun
Year: 2001
System: Game Boy Advance

After the Super Nintendo, (excluding Pokemon) Nintendo is severely lacking in RPGs. With Chrono, Final Fantasy, and others moving to Sony, Nintendo was left with very, very little. Then came Golden Sun. This RPG was fresh, exciting, and very original. The gameplay tread on new role-playing gameplay waters, as the storyline delivered something fresh to the Game Boy table. Golden Sun would also test the graphical and audio capabilities of the GBA by delivering a beautiful-looking game with many amazing-looking attacks and a beautiful and varied musical score. It was one of the first epic experiences in any Nintendo system in the new millennium.


#14: Wario Land III
Year: 1998
System: Game Boy Color

The Wario Land franchise was well-known for turning all cliches of platform games into a thing of the past with fresh new styles of gameplay. First off Wario can't die, second off the levels become vastly different depending on whether its day or night, and sometimes entire levels cannot be fully explored until much later in the game. Wario Land III was an incredible mesh of great level design, great replay value, and so much backtracking you'll spend weeks playing the same levels you experienced in the very beginning. And it never becomes old, and never becomes tedious. Add a fun sense of humor and great exploration and you have yourself a true platform gem, among the best within the last 15 years.


#13: Metroid II: Return of Samus
Year: 1991
System: Game Boy

The most misunderstood of all the video games on this list, Metroid II's shortcomings occurred because of its limitations in the Game Boy. Similar to Perfect Dark and the N64, Metroid II was an extremely ambitious game that was so massive, they had to scale back on the graphics to fit it all. So the game doesn't look that great. Nonetheless, we have a very creepy video game with a massive overworld full of obstacles, sinister villians, and metroids to kill. The game was extremely non-linear, as there are many ways to go about your quest. Its not only a grand-scale adventure, but also a very vital chapter in the Metroid timeline. The final plot twist was a nice bonus too.


#12: Mario Tennis
Year: 2001
System: Game Boy Color

Mario Tennis for the N64 was a surprise success story that developed a nice relationship between Nintendo and Camelot. Quickly following the console version was the handheld port. Most people dismissed it as being just a port. Fortunately for all of us that got to play it though, it was a totally different (and to an extent..superior) experience. Not only do you get the fast-paced, arcade-style gameplay of the N64 version, but there is also an extensive RPG-like quest in which you take the role of a tennis player and have him/her rise up to the top in singles---AND doubles in an alternate quest. This excellent mix of RPG and sports does not happen enough, I must repeat that, and its time that Camelot and Nintendo bring this beautiful idea into consoles sometime soon. In the meantime, this is hands-down one of the most overlooked handheld games ever.


#11: New Super Mario Bros.
Year: 2006
System: Nintendo DS

It is very hard to believe, but there was a 14-year gap between side-scrolling Super Mario games. This game finally broke the unfortunate curse, and a brand new generation of gamers were treated to a new Mario adventure. This game wasn't just a knockaround remake, there were 80 levels across 8 worlds in this gem. While the art style isn't as whimsical as the Mario World duo in the SNES, the gameplay was just as fun, and just as addicting. Then add the multiplayer mode and all the mini-games intact. This was Super Mario reborn for a new decade, a new generation, a new millennium. And while it doesn't reach the classic/masterpiece status of the 90s Mario games, its darn-near close.

The Top 10 games will be revealed by the end of this weekend, with the release of the 3DS. Anyone know what the #1 game might be? Start guessing!

The 40 Greatest Nintendo Handheld Games

The Nintendo 3DS is coming out at the end of this month. The latest member in the wildly successful handheld family of Nintendo is bound to make massive sales, break plenty of potential records, and maintain Nintendo’s firm grip in the non-console market. While companies like Apple and Sony have made major strides in handheld gaming, there is no question Nintendo still dominates. However, there isn’t much linking to the past in the handheld regime, especially when compared to the console classics. This article is dedicated to all the wonderful games (most forgotten) that helped the Game Boys and DSs reach their phenomenal sales and maintain its lasting appeal. These are the 40 greatest games in the history of Nintendo handheld gaming....so far.


#40: Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
Year: 2009
System: Nintendo DS

This goes out to anyone that had no faith that Grand Theft Auto would ever make its way into a Nintendo system (successfully). While the DS lacks the graphical so-called capabilities of the console GTA games (Playing Devil’s Advocate, the GTA games don’t look that good to begin with) Rockstar managed to upload all the mayhem, violence, and absolute fun of the franchise and convert it into a DS cartridge. Chinatown Wars has the presentation, gameplay, music, and replayability of the console GTAs, and upends them by offering a massive assortment of mini-games that includes a phenomenal drug ring aspect to the experience. While the PSP got this version, it failed in comparison to this one because of the lack of the second screen. In the DS version, the second screen allows you to distribute drugs, hack cars, fix cars, and even mess around with fridge magnets. It sounds trivial and pointless, but all these little things add to the overall experience. While Nintendo really doesn’t have games aimed just for adults, this one title alone nearly makes up for it.


#39: Super Mario 64 DS
Year: 2004
System: Nintendo DS

Super Mario 64 remains in my opinion the greatest video game of all-time. All the new gamneplay elements it brought to the table, all the eventual imitators, and just the pure freedom of running around a massive world with minimal direction made this an instant masterpiece back in 1996. So what better way to show the world what your new toy is capable of then re-creating the experience, and then adding some more? While this version lacks the magic and pure freedom of the N64 version (analog is so underrated), it’s still a great game with plenty of added goodies once the original adventure is over. There is a multi-player mode, tons of mini-games, and more characters to use when playing the original quest. It was the perfect way to start a record-setting run for the DS.


#38: Mega Man in Dr. Wily’s Revenge
Year: 1991
System: Game Boy

The Mega Man franchise was already known for bringing endless fun and even more frustration. But one of the first great handheld translations of console classics came in Dr. Wily’s Revenge, which was a remake and a sequel at the same time. While you do fight the four baddies of the original Mega Man, there were some extra bosses not before seen—including the infamous Enker. Just like the console games, Dr. Wily’s Revenge was fun, tough, varied, tough, mildly addicting, and tough.


#37: The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Year: 2005
System: Game Boy Advance

The Game Boy Advance had been around for 4 years already and not only had there not been many adventure games on the system, there also was a total lack of original Zelda. Surely we got Link to the Past, but now with SNES-style graphics, it was about time that Zelda got some love. Minish Cap diminished the complaints by delivering a new, wholly original, and satisfyingly epic quest which pits Link against the forces of evil, and the forces of...size. While I am not a fan of the Four Sword arc of the Zelda timeline/franchise, Minish Cap still offered all your typically fun elements of Zelda: great dungeons, nice story, plenty of side-quests to perform. This definitely made up for Wind Waker’s final act. Tee hee, another anti Wind Waker joke on the blog….


#36: Street Fighter Alpha 3
Year: 2002
System: Game Boy Advance

Handheld gaming was delivering all types of great games from a variety of genres: except for fighting. The lack of buttons severely limited fighting games for the first 11 years of Nintendo’s handheld run. The Game Boy Advance however delivered two shoulder buttons, resulting in a total of four buttons to use. This sounds stupid, but fighting games are nearly impossible to pull off with just two buttons (Super Smash Brothers for the N64 was darn close). Street Fighter Alpha 3 would finally end the drought by delivering a wholesome and wonderful Street Fighter experience without stripping away too much from the original source. Now add extra characters and you have yourself your first truly great fighter in the history of handhelds.


#35: Sonic Advance
Year: 2002
System: Game Boy Advance

If you had told me back in 1994 that eventually Sonic and Sega would fail and crash down like the weakest of aircraft, I would have laughed at your face and called you stupid. Amazingly years after Sega put up an amazing fight against Nintendo, Sega would lose so much money and fan support that they had to stop making systems and instead become a third-party developer. Sonic Advance was not only a great game that brings back the roots of Sonic, but would make history as the first time Sonic would show up in a Nintendo system. Why Sega didn’t continue making 2-D sonic games in consoles, I’ll never understand. Luckily for all of us, Sonic was limited to 2-D in the handheld, bringing old-school gameplay plus some new-school elements, resulting in Sonic Advance, one of the best Sonic games since the mid-90s. Oh how the mighty have fallen.


#34: Metroid Fusion
Year: 2002
System: Game Boy Advance

Although this Metroid was a bit more straightforward than all the other titles (Excluding Metroid: Other M, but most of you should know I deny its existence) it is still just as addicting, just as fun, and just as borderline-creepy. The smaller screen makes for better terror as you don’t get to see as much and its excellent musical score and variety of sound effects enhance the one-vs.-all experience. The Dark Samus aspect of the game works perfectly well, as you have a Samus just as powerful and well-equipped as you….hunting YOU down. It is a shame chronologically we have yet to receive a sequel to this powerhouse adventure.


#33: Elite Beat Agents
Year: 2006
System: Nintendo DS

This game is so quirky it hurts. And why this game failed in the midst of the Guitar Hero/Rock band craze, we shall never ever know. A spiritual sequel to another quirky Japan-only game, Elite Beat Agents is stylish, unique, innovative, and takes full effect of the DS capabilities in ways never thought before. This addicting game will make you look silly, but whenever a game asks for you to press a bunch of targets in a certain order using certain maneuvers to help three characters (that look like rejects of the Men in Black) dance their way out of situations---you know you’ve got something special.


#32: Sonic Rush
Year: 2005
System: Nintendo DS

The full capabilities of Sonic were finally acknowledged here. Sonic the hedgehog 2, the best game in the series, was striving to become this game. Although this game still slightly lags behind the Genesis classics, it definitely has the speed, mayhem, and presentation to become one of the best Sonic games you’ll ever play. This is what the console Sonic games should look and play like. It is fast, furious, frustrating, and just all-around exhilarating. Now add a great Sonic CD-like musical score and you have yourself Sega’s best handheld game ever.


#31: Professor Layton and the Curious Village
Year: 2008
System: Nintendo DS

The Nintendo DS was the first system to feature a plethora of games that actually challenge the mind. There was a New York crossword video game, the successful Brain Age games, Big Brain Academy, and this little gem. Containing multiple puzzles wrapped around by a decent storyline, Professor Layton is one of the most unique games you’ll ever play, and one of the most challenging. There are games that were meant to be played on the DS and upcoming 3DS, and Professor Layton is definitely one of them. Over 130 brain teasers inside, be prepared for a long adventure.


#30: Super Mario Advance
Year: 2001
System: Game Boy Advance

If there was a game that paved the way for Nintendo remakes, this one would be it. Although it was very odd they chose the black sheep Mario title to become the launching game for the GBA, it works perfectly because they improved upon an already-decent game with many little details. They added the original-original Mario Bros., added some challenges and a score tablet, enhanced the audio and visuals, and even some continuity fixings (Princess Peach). It was a game that was already good, looking and playing better, for a much smaller screen. The success and praise of this remake would lead to the unfortunate plethora of Nintendo remakes later that decade.


#29: Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3
Year: 1993
System: Game Boy

One of the most underrated franchises in the history of all gaming (Yes, I will go that far) got its start here. Containing more gameplay than most modern-day video games, Wario Land contains multiple endings, an entire secret world, over 30 stages, and so much variety within these stages you’ll feel like you played 4 games in one adventure. Nintendo’s anti-hero got its look, personality, and attitude here. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between gamers and the greediest character in Nintendo history.


#28: Kirby’s Canvas Curse
Year: 2005
System: Nintendo DS

Kirby peaked way back in 1996 with the ultra-awesome Kirby Super Star. No other Kirby game has come even close ever since its release. But they haven’t tried moving forward, instead sometimes moving backwards, and sometimes drifting off to the side. There’s Kirby’s Air Ride, Kirby’s Pinball Land, etc. But every so often, they make a Kirby game that works. Canvas Curse only lets you use the stylus, but it becomes quite fun as you draw a path for Kirby to follow and ride on. It is an innovative concept that grows on you as the game progresses. While the game could have been longer, it was far too clever for you to avoid, and far too fun for you to shun.


#27: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Year: 2005
System: Nintendo DS

Remember my mentioning that the Nintendo DS has the most variety in terms of video games from any system in history? Oh wait, never mind, I didn’t. The ultimate example of the previous statement is this gem of a game. It pits you in a courtroom as you try to win your case. While it’s a very tough concept to sell, Capcom infuses it with the microphone feature, excellent use of the stylus, a clever storyline, great writing, and a simplicity that makes it accessible to all gamers, even those not too aware of the justice system. Just like Elite Beat Agents and Professor Layton, this franchise was totally meant to be played in DS/3DS systems, and nowhere else. Just keep those fun lawyer games coming Capcom.


#26: Kirby’s Dream Land 2
Year: 1995
System: Game Boy

While the franchise had been around a couple years already, the franchise didn’t really take off until Dream Land 2. In here not only were you able to swallow up abilities and maneuver through a variety of fun levels, but you even got some animal friends to help you out. The modern-day formula to making a great Kirby game was built here, unlike what other gamers may tell you. It is a simple, winning formula that for some odd reason wasn’t copied enough times later in the franchises’ history.


#25: Pokemon Diamond/Pearl
Year: 2007
System: Nintendo DS

For seven years the franchise of Pokemon had been going ridiculously downhill with inferior versions, inferior remakes, and just a total lack of attempt to throw the brand into the next plateau of quality. Diamond and Pearl, although they were still eerily similar, improved upon most of the PokeMistakes of the past. The adventure is longer, the technical capabilities of the system were actually being utilized, all Pokemon are actually in the stinkin’ game, and there is a wi-fi online mode to boot. While it didn’t quite reach the stratosphere of quality it can achieve with a little more effort, a mere step in the right direction is enough to make this a worthy purchase. Too bad with Black/White they went backwards again.



#24: Wario Ware Inc.: Mega Microgames
Year: 2003
System: Game Boy Advance

Wario is known for being in very creative, weird, and bizarre games. In later installments of his adventures, he couldn’t die, and he’s even engaged in battle against Bomberman. But nothing could prepare you for the brash insanity of this brilliant game. In this underrated gem, you play a series of little games that you have to complete in mere seconds. That’s right, a couple seconds. And as you complete them, they get harder, and the speed increases infinitely. Then there is a multi-player mode, a Dr. Mario remake, and so many extra goodies, it will be months before you run out of things to do in this little game. And until that day arrives, it will be hella fun playing it. Describing this game doesn’t do it justice, you need to play it for yourself.


#23: Donkey Kong 94’
Year: 1994
System: Game Boy

This video game became infamous for coming out at the same time as Donkey Kong Land, and many parents accidently buying this game instead of Land, which was the one all the kids had been wanting to play. While Donkey Kong Land was by no means a flub, neither was this underrated gem. The original levels of Donkey Kong start you off, and then you unexpectedly get thrown into an adventure with over 100 levels, over a dozen abilities to learn, and many obstacles that stand before you and Pauline. This is the original Donkey Kong on a pure mix of steroids, speed, and Four Loco. Addicting, and blazingly fun. There are not enough games in the world with over 100 levels….


#22: Mario Golf: Advanced Tour
Year: 2004
System: Game Boy Advance

Camelot is one of the most underrated gaming companies out there, nearly cranking out a flawless resume, ranging from the Golden Sun series to their addicting sports games. But it’s the handheld versions of the Mario sports games that really excel. Take Advance Tour for example: it’s the usual Mario Golf gameplay with an added RPG-like adventure in which you take a character and try to move up in the ranks. This great mix of sports gameplay with RPG leveling-up and exploration doesn’t happen quite enough, and when it does, it deserves the utmost praise. Unlike most games on this list, this game wasn’t played much, and shouldn’t be this way. Where the heck is the DS sequel?



#21: Pokemon Pinball
Year: 1999
System: Game Boy Color

Pokemon has had a plethora of remakes, re-releases, and spin-offs that helped propel the franchise to becoming the second-biggest franchise in the history of gaming—behind only Mario. But to be honest, most of the spin-offs are rather weak. And then in 1999 we were treated to two excellent Pokemon spinoffs that have yet to see true-blue decent sequels. First was Pokemon Snap for the N64, and the other one is this frustratingly unforgiving yet satisfyingly addicting game. Just like in regular Pokemon, you have the chance to “catch em’ all” but its much harder here, as you play one of two pinball machines, and they are both different (and equally fun) in many, many ways. Yet, you can play the two boards for hours on end and not get bored. And unlike most pinball video games, you can actually even shake the machine a little for some extra points. That little gameplay feature alone warrants a special place on this list…almost in the top 20.

Have you enjoyed the list so far? Are you afraid I am going to totally miss out on a game? Have I totally underrated a game on this list? Please, comment away. As for the top 20, I will try to reveal them later this week.

Charlie Sheen IS Two and a Half Men, whether you like it or not

Charlie Sheen has been fired from the #1 sitcom in television. Perhaps for the first time in the history of network television, a company pulls the unthinkable by getting rid of the main star of the channel’s biggest cash cow. Two and a Half Men is one of the very few modern-day sitcoms with high syndication value, and one of the few sitcoms to be #1 for so many years in a row. Like it or not, the last sitcom to truly dominate the ratings consistently for so long was Friends back when NBC was watchable. And while the show isn’t exactly moral or by any means wholesome and good for the whole family; it carries that cheeky fun “Married…With Children” vibe. It has that guilty pleasure quality that was possessed by Ed O'Neil's sitcom long ago.

Now, did Charlie Sheen deserve to get fired? Yes and no. For starters, it’s freakin’ Charlie Sheen. Since the early 90s he has caused trouble in so many different ways, Warner Brothers knew what they were getting themselves into when they hired him for the lead role. Hell, the creators were even thinking about Charlie Sheen when creating the show. To make matters more interesting, this behavior had been happening constantly throughout the entire run; just to a lesser extent.

What nobody mentions is that while Sheen is definitely a party person to the utmost level, he still shows up to work and does his job. Sheen has even been nominated for a couple Emmys during the ratings domination of Two and a Half Men. Yes, he went overboard recently when he went to the hospital, but the overreaction and supposed shock was a bit much for me. Come on, it’s Charlie Sheen. Works by day, plays by night. That’s his routine. When he started verbally ripping apart everyone, he then crossed the line. But up until that point, it was Sheen being Sheen. And that’s why he was hired in the first place.

And let’s put this clear out there for everybody to see: nobody can replace Charlie Sheen. Nobody. Replacing Charlie Sheen will be sitcom suicide, and will lead to a new show rising to become the top sitcom in television. Don’t look now, but Modern Family is prepared to make a strong push. It already has won the awards, and acclaim, and is building a great audience. If CBS does not work out a deal with Charlie Sheen, then their reign at #1 will end. Nobody can even come close to matching the personality and laid-back suave of Charlie Sheen. The only actors I can see that can possibly take over his role are: Robert Downey Jr., Sam Rockwell, or Michael Weatherly (whom already has a show with NCIS). And even then, that’s a major stretch.


Bottom Line: Despite all the bickering and anguish, if CBS wants to keep the sitcom alive and with the same amount of success, they have to find a way to work a deal with Charlie Sheen. I know its making a deal with the devil, but CBS and Warner Brothers would be absolutely stupid to replace him with anybody else. They can’t replace him. If it were up to me, I would can the show altogether, and leave it be. After all, it’s not the first show to abruptly end in a cliffhanger (Alf, My Name is Earl). Mark these words: if Two and a Half Men really continues without Sheen, then they are going to drop in ratings, and severely drop in value. I actually like this show, I would hate to see it end in a whimper.