Part of the success of the Walt Disney World is its ability to incorporate themes in every single attraction, park, hotel, and recreational activity. Everything has a story, even the water parks have tales attached to them. Even better is how (not as much as before) the themes tend to be connected. The best example was the connection between the Jungle Cruise and the Adventurer’s Club back in the Pleasure Island days. And sometimes the connections can span even years. Mission Space has a Horizons logo attached to it in the queue line, recognizing the evolution in its theming. However, with that being said, we do have some anomalies in the Walt Disney World. The number of inaccurate, hypocritical, and inconsistent themes has definitely increased over the years unfortunately, but overall the parks remain stable theme-wise. But, if the trend continues, who knows what might happen.
Luckily, the Fantasyland upgrade seems to remain consistent in the Princess/castle themes. Here is a list of the 10 biggest and most inconsistent attractions in terms of theme and its location. These are 10 locations that do not match its surroundings and should move elsewhere if Disney were in pursuit of theme park perfection like Walt Disney in the olden days. Read em’ and weep.
#10: Festival of the Lion King
Current Location: Camp Minnie-Mickey
Where It Should Be: Africa in Animal Kingdom
So, the section of the park consists of laid-back acoustic guitar music, lovely scenery, woodland creatures, and….a festival about an African lion and all the African animals that live beneath him. Yep, that makes total sense. What makes it stranger is that Africa was indeed built before the park officially opened (Unlike Asia) so why did they transport the show all the way to another section, one that totally doesn’t match the wildness of the show itself? It’s an excellent show, easily one of the best in the entire Walt Disney company (including Broadway shows), but it’s definitely in the wrong place. Send it to Africa, I am sure there’s still plenty of room left in that area.
#9: Toy Story Mania
Current Location: Hollywood Studios
Where it Should Be: Boardwalk Resort
Boy oh boy, the Hollywood Studios definitely changed in theme over the years. It used to be a place where movie production can be experienced and movie scenes can be brought to life. Toy Story Mania does neither. Then again, neither does Rockin’ Roller Coaster or Tower of Terror. Nonetheless, the previous two examples bring music and television to life respectively. Toy Story Mania is a knock-off of the classic boardwalk games you used to play in the older days. Toy Story Mania, despite the Pixar Place location, shouldn’t really be there if you are very picky about the theme thing. It would be absolutely a blast in the Boardwalk hotel area. It doesn’t require much room, and will draw many more visitors to that section of Walt Disney World. The chances of this happening are extremely slim, especially with how much of a hit the place is at Hollywood.
#8: Tomorrowland Speedway
Current Location: Tomorrowland
Where It Should Be: Toontown Fair
This is the one example where the change in theme and location is technically possible, because they are right next to each other. The Tomorrowland Speedway in no way represents the future, or even the retro future. The gas-guzzling cars do nothing more than provide younger kids with a chance to experience driving before actually doing it a decade or so later. It’s a good attraction, it just needs to become more cartoony and refrain from being referenced in the future/space-themed Tomorrowland. Give each car a character, or heck if you really want to, base it off of the movie Cars.
#7: Seas With Nemo and Friends
Current Location: Future World
Where It Should Be: Pixar Place
This is a movie brought to life, but unfortunately is replacing one of my all-time favorite attractions, the Living Seas. Then, more unfortunately, its part of a place called “Future World.” The future: Finding Nemo. Yea, that makes a lot of sense. Bring back Living Seas, and move the Nemo section to Pixar place, where it will fit comfortably with Monster’s Inc. and Toy Story. Heck, for added style points, connect it to the Little Mermaid attraction. This will never happen, by the way.
#6: Club Cool
Current Location: Future World
Where It Should Be: World Showcase
The future of Earth is: trying sodas from around the world. Yea, that makes sense, lots of it. Epcot is the worst of the 4 parks in terms of theme and that’s ONLY because of Future World. One of two things would need to happen to Club Cool: whether you move it to the purgatory-like section of World Showcase (section with no country representative) or upgrade Club Cool to display what sort of drinks we may be drinking in the future. Be creative now. Imagine a frozen soda fountain. Or imagine a build-your-own soda machine. Or, a soda fountain with dozens of different available toppings and flavor-enhancers. But any sort of change would improve the Club Cool we have now—a Coca-Cola advertisement in the wrong place.
#5: Soarin’
Current Location: The Land
Where It Should Be: American Adventure
More Epcot entries. Soarin’ is easily the best attraction at Epcot. However, it doesn’t belong in a pavilion trying to teach guests how to protect crops and also showing the latest technology in growing the food. Soarin’ can save American Adventure, one of the weaker pavilions in the World Showcase. They can Americanize it by showing other states and then throwing an American flag in there for good measure. In all seriousness though, it’s a great ride that represents the beauty of America.
#4: Space Ranger Spin
Current Location: Tomorrowland
Where It Should Be: Pixar Place
Magic Kingdom’s weakest-themed location is definitely Tomorrowland. One of the biggest examples is Space Ranger Spin. The future is this: we are trying to save the universe from the evil emperor Zurg, an evil creature that ran off with….batteries? There is nothing very futuristic about it, except for the space traveling abilities. In a location that has mature storytelling and mature content like Space Mountain and Carousel of Progress, the Buzz ride becomes a bit of a buzzkill. Pixar Place would have a home for it, especially with the rather-similar Toy Story Mania right next door. Then again, with its similarities, do you really want to pitch them together? Toy Story Mania in terms of fun shatters Buzz. Maybe we can revamp the ride and turn it into a dark ride full of animatronics. Either way, I miss the old Tomorrowland, and one way to revert it back to the old days is removing this ride and #3. #3 is:
#3: Monster’s Inc Laugh Floor
Current Location: Tomorrowland
Where It Should Be: Fantasyland
The future: comedy performances from monsters in an alternate universe. Yikes man, not even close. Fantasyland would be perfect for this attraction, and we can even spice it up a bit with appearances from other Disney characters. After all, like the crazy premise of the show, anything is indeed possible. The heavy improv may make it a hit with young and old guests, but it’s definitely something that’s hampering the maturity of Tomorrowland.
#2: Finding Nemo: The Musical
Current Location: Animal Kingdom Purgatory
Where It Should Be: Hollywood Studios
One of the best musical shows in Walt Disney World isn’t even in Hollywood Studios, a place that has multiple musicals brewing about. Where’s the thought process here? Festival of the Lion King represents Animal Kingdom, which is why it stays there. However, the musical isn’t even in a themed land, it’s just thrown in between Everest and Dinoland as an afterthought. Tarzan Rocks used to occupy that area, which didn’t make things better. This building altogether should be abandoned so Dinoland can expand even more. This Nemo musical can definitely help out the musical section in Hollywood Studios along with Beauty and the Beast and Little Mermaid.
#1: Test Track
Current Location: Epcot’s Future World
Where it Should Be: ?!?!?!!??!?!!?
I don’t even want to start here. Test Track is an attraction placed in FUTURE world (sponsored by an old-school company that’s inches from bankruptcy) about the production and testing of cars—an invention of the early 20th century. There is nothing futuristic at all about this, not back in 1999, and not now. This ride breaks down all the time, doesn’t fully work half of the time, and just doesn’t mesh with the purpose of Epcot. I don’t even know where to move this ride, it’s rather stuck there. It is an enormous hit with guests apparently, and I fail to see why. The only explanation is that Americans love cars, and this is proven with Nascar and the successes of Pixar’s weakest effort Cars.
The only way this entire area can be saved (in my eyes) is if it can transform into a TRON ride. Tron has a sequel coming out, and if there’s something that screams state-of-the-art, futuristic, and cutting-edge, it’s Tron. Throw guests into the computer world, the invention that is always being re-invented and is forever changing the way the world functions. You can pull a Body Wars-type ride by shrinking into the computer world, then showing us the way they function, and duke it out against viruses and bugs and whatnot. Then end the ride with a race on those cool-looking bikes that would forever connect pop culture to the original movie. Its Disney, this can be done.
In the meantime, I’ll have to settle for the outdated, outsourced, overused, overworked, overrated, and wrongly-placed current attraction. But if GM were to drop out, who knows what may come about? It better not be a Cars ride or I will begin protesting.
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