Disney's Hollywood Studios: The Event Park

So Hollywood Studios is undergoing some crazy major changes in the coming years. Indiana Jones is leaving, the hat is leaving, rumor has it Lights, Motors, Action is also disappearing, and we know that Frozen is being moved and the snow playground is on its final steps. There really won’t be much to do in the park. No afternoon parade? No evening parade or fireworks? Toy Story and Fantasmic will headline Hollywood Studios while the Disney fanbase anticipates the next major renovation---well, after the decent-sounding-but-I-wish-it-was-more TCM Great Movie Ride renovation.

This could kill the attendance of the park, which is already the weakest. However, there is a solution to this: make Hollywood Studios an event park. Make Disney’s Hollywood Studios a park with almost always something different going on. Make it the go-to park for rare characters, rare events, rare appearances, and a variety that will draw all the locals and give the visitors a reason to spend that extra day on Disney property. What events should Hollywood Studios host? Here’s my dream schedule:





January/February: 50 Days of Oscar



This one is simple. Time to celebrate the Academy Award winners from past and present: the actors, actresses, composers, filmmakers, and films that coveted the Oscar gold at one point or another. With 50 Days of Oscar, Disney and TCM can hold special cinematic screenings of Oscar winners, can hold events with special guests, can have a couple big special performances using songs that had won Best Original Song (and we all know Disney has several of THOSE Oscars), and best of all can transform the park into a museum of the Academy Awards. We can change the background music throughout the park to instrumentals of Oscar-winning scores, we can have upgraded upper-scale food menus, and can even sell special merchandise to commemorate the event. Let’s even throw in a motorcade parade featuring characters and moments from classic Oscar-winning films. And all this can lead up to the grand finale, which we can discuss later.





February 1st: Super Bowl Day @ Hollywood Studios



For Super Bowl Sunday, we can turn Hollywood Studios into a massive, massive tailgating party with snacks literally all over the place and special food menus to prepare the crowd for the 6:00 epic game. Guests can show up in full football gear or merely just support their favorite team with a jersey or shirt. Trivia contests will be sprinkled throughout the day for awesome prizes, and when the big game happens you can literally hear the game happen from nearly all corners of the park. All screens will be connected to the Big Game so even while enjoying your day, you can never be too far away from Super Bowl action.






February 22nd: A Night at the Oscars



The 50 Days of Oscar will end right here with an epic finale. For the big evening when the Academy Awards are actually presented, we will roll out a massive red carpet right down Hollywood Boulevard (complete with paparazzi and the Citizens of Hollywood interviewing guests as they enter the park) straight towards the Chinese Theater. You can dress your L.A. best as you make your way to one of several assigned locations to watch the Academy Awards from the Hollywood Studios complete with special gift baskets, an awesome high-class catered menu, and a special fireworks show upon the completion of the award ceremony itself. Throughout this one exclusive day, special Oscar statuette souvenirs can be sold (or won through contests) everywhere as everyone walks out of Hollywood Studios an Oscar winner.






March/April: Villains' Spring Break Extravaganza



For Spring Break, Hollywood Studios belongs to the villains. Throughout the months of March and April, you will find dozens upon dozens of enemies from all the Disney and Pixar (and LucasArts) movies ready for pictures and conversation. We will have exclusive villain merchandise, special gloomy-themed menus, an extensive evening villain’s parade, a darker Fantasmic, killer costume competitions, and best of all Hades helming an awesome dance party show in front of the Chinese Theater.

And no, this will not be a hard-ticket event. Let's please not be stupid.




May: Tomorrowland Movie Night



In honor of the upcoming movie, Hollywood Studios can host a special day in honor of the flick complete with special merchandise, futuristic ice cream and food sold everywhere, and characters from future-based movies like Tron, Meet the Robinsons, Wall-E, Treasure Planet, among others being found scattered all over the park. The evening finishes off with dozens of spots where you can see the new movie before the rest of the nation.




July/August: Pixar Weekends



We all know May and June belongs to Star Wars Weekends. However, we can extend the fun with Pixar Weekends. With Pixar Weekends, all the characters from Toy Story to even upcoming Pixar movies will be found inside the Hollywood Studios—not just in Pixar Place. Throughout this period, we will have special meet-and-greets, special animation lessons on how to draw Pixar characters, a Pixar-heavy art exhibit, the return of the Countdown to Fun parade, music from all the movies being played over the speakers, special screenings of Pixar’s best movies, and best of all a special fireworks display commemorating the Toy Story trilogy.


September: A Night at the Emmys



Similar to the Oscars, we have the red carpet decked out so we can all watch the Emmys on one of several potential screens complete with a television-influenced menu, special gift baskets, and potentially even special guests from past popular Disney shows.




September: ABC Weekends



With ABC Weekends, we can have special guests from popular past and present ABC shows making appearances as we celebrate the history of the famed channel. During these weekends, you can get exclusive sneak peeks at upcoming material from your favorite television shows as well as popular episodes that changed the television landscape. From Three’s Company to Roseanne to Lost to Modern Family, we can celebrate the best Disney television can offer throughout the Food and Wine-conquered month of September. Last but not least, we can even have television shows like The Chew, Good Morning America, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, and Jimmy Kimmel have special episodes in the Studios.




October: Disney's Halloween Studios Weekends



Bring out the horror. During the spookiest month of the year, Hollywood Studios will become darker, scarier, and more inviting to the macabre. Tower of Terror will have a shocking new set of sequences, Rockin’ Roller Coaster will get darker with the Twilight Zone treatment, and even Star Tours will have a temporarily scary makeover. We will have special screenings of the classic scary Disney movies (Nightmare Before Christmas, Monster’s Inc., Alice in Wonderland, Maleficent, Sleepy Hollow) as well as Disney villains making appearances to continue the haunting fun.




December: Star Wars 7



You know its coming. This day will have a parade, meet-and-greet, menu, merchandise, one-day-only exclusive Star Wars 7 scenes in Star Tours, and other special events all dedicated to the upcoming Star Wars movie. And at the end of the day? Why special screenings of said movie of course. I can guarantee you the park will hit 50,000 if the park gives the opportunity to display the movie before the rest of the nation can see it. Absolutely guarantee it.




December 31st: The Hollywood Studios Concert Bash



What better way to cap off the year than provide a 24-hour park experience that includes 24 hours of music from cover bands, actual bands, DJs, acapella groups, musicians, and pretty much anything you can throw on stage? This endless ongoing concert transforms Hollywood Studios into this massive party that also doubles as a grandiose countdown to the New Year with 1,400 minutes of music of all types of genres from all over the world. The music aspect of Hollywood Studios isn’t really explored outside of musicals and Rockin’ Roller Coaster and this concert can fix that. Of course, the New Year will begin with Mulch, Sweat, and Shears---that won’t change. But leading up to it, dozens of artists and musical acts musically igniting the park.


This idea is free Disney, you can have it. But letting you know, Hollywood Studios needs to diversify its offerings throughout the year otherwise it will sink to Universal Studios attendance numbers. With a good healthy event schedule, Hollywood Studios can maintain pace with the other parks until the expansions are complete.

The Lost Cluttered Art of DJing

I never want to sound like the old man that firmly believes that all modern day music is noise, noise, noise. I never want to be that person that believes that my generation made the best music ever composed (Although let’s be honest, 90s rock was something special). That being said, the Digital Era of Music has indeed ruined one aspect of music that deserves more appreciation: the art of the DJ.

Check this: I was at Hollywood Studios and they had a DJ in front of the hat in honor of the busy season requiring for some guy to stand at center and deliver some tunes to keep the guests happy and forgetting that there’s over 35,000 in the park. He starts fiddling with the computer and then walks away and starts randomly talking to two guests in front of the stage! What literally happened was that he pressed “play” on his computer, and the job was done. No mixing, no scratching, no crossfading, no surprises. What hurts more is that is becoming acceptable behavior in the world of music.

And it’s not just Disney World having their hands on these “DJ”s. You can find them in Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, conventions, and I have even seen them in small clothing stories inside malls. The market has become cluttered with these just-push-play DJs that spend a portion of time setting up the music from the safety and comfort of home, and then unleash their 4-hour repetitive mixes to the masses and collect their paycheck. There’s no art involved.

Gone are the days where artists like Fatboy Slim and Funkmaster Flex were tough to come by. Even Paris Hilton receives paychecks for her DJ work nowadays. I hope this stings you more than it stings me. The market has become absolutely flooded with these people, and it brings the entire art down a few notches. Now, it’s tougher to appreciate not only DJs but also music producers with DJ mannerisms (like Deadmau5, David Guetta, Daft Punk, and Joe Hahn).

Similar to how the comic book industry’s absolute marathon of comic book films cluttered the market and made actually-great films like Iron Man, Spider-Man 2, and Scott Pilgrim get lost in the shuffle, the DJ world has been stuffed with has-beens, wanna-bes, and the lazy peeps that pump unnecessary noise to Wednesday night specials at Applebees. The digital era may have allowed for us music lovers to connect to music better, faster, easier, and more consistently than ever before, but unfortunately this also leads to easier editing equipment and tools to create those mixes that used to be a hassle back in the 80s and 90s.....





…and allows for Paris Hilton to make DJ Jazzy Jeff money.

*sigh*

...clearly I am in the wrong career...

Top Five: 6/10

Top Five is a film that should have been ballsier, should have had a stronger voice, and should have delivered a heavier punch. The fact is we have seen this concept before, with the weak Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins and the mediocre Funny People. The entertainer-going-back-to-roots-rediscovery angle has been done a couple times within the past half-decade. So in order for Top Five to stand out, it needs sharper dialogue, more entertaining scenarios, more heart. And who better to do this then one of the best comics in the last 20 years? Yet despite the effort and the clearly talented cast, the movie never truly floats above mediocrity waters. Top Five does enough to slightly entertain, but you really wish that there could have been more.

Chris Rock's stand-up is undeniably one of the best in the history of the art form. He has the observational humor of Jerry Seinfeld mixed with the sharp delivery of Eddie Murphy. His cinematic career however lacks the bite that gives him the unique voice in comedy. When your best performance and best non-animated movie comes from a 20+ year old Wesley Snipes film (well...maybe CB4), there is a major issue. And although this movie isn't autobiographical, it definitely has some nods to Rock's actual career. This time Rock is channeling his inner Woody Allen by writing, directing, and starring in a New York flick.

In terms of acting, Chris Rock does not disappoint. His chemistry with the evocative and beautiful Rosario Dawson (sheer underrated talent) was the highlight of the film by far. They work off each other very well, which makes it all the more surprising that the rest of the cast had such limited material and didn't have their chance to truly mesh with Rock. Even Cedric the Entertainer and his amazing portrayal of a Houston freewheeler didn't contribute much. Chris Rock does indeed have the ability to run a movie, but boy did I wish more from Cedrick, J.B. Smoove, Sherri Shepherd, Gabrielle Union, among others.

All the small roles from talented people would be forgiven if the script had been stronger, and if the film had truly explored the harsh questions. Behind the microphone, Chris Rock is not afraid to take on touchy subjects. In Top Five, lots of concepts are lightly brought up but never explored. The reality star life angle, the difficult comedian life angle, the race angle, the returning-to-roots angle, and even the politics subject was slightly and very dimly brought up, but it never dwelled deeper. We could have had some serious post-viewing discussions on the whos, the whats, and the whys, but the film never ignited the fire.

Similar to About Last Night, another 2014 woulda, coulda, shoulda black ensemble film that didn't dip its feet into the discussion waters, Top Five explores a similar cinematic concept and stays afloat mainly because of lead character chemistry and a few cameos striking comedic gold. Unfortunately this movie lacks the bite of Chris Rock standup (despite the "R" rating giving you full permission to do so), instead meandering into similar territory that mixes Woody Allen with recent Judd Apatow. Dramatic but not dramatic enough, funny but not funny enough, provocative but not provocative enough, There are too many ingredients in the talent soup for the overall flavor to remain slightly lifeless.

I wanted more, anticipated more, and overall it just wasn't enough—despite this being Rock's best directorial and acting work.