Laugh at My Pain: 6/10

Dear Kevin Hart: You are funny, but you ain't no Chappelle yet

Kevin Hart has risen from underground sensation to a mainstream comedian with a massively successful tour that rivals that of Eddie Murphy's conquering of the 80s. In the midst of his tour they decided to make a film out of it. I strongly believe that it wasn't originally planned at the start of the tour because of the way the film turned out. Yes it was funny but it was a very disorganized film that prevented itself from being one of the better stand-up films—even though it was leagues under classics like Eddie Murphy's Raw and Richard Pryor's Live on the Sunset Strip. A lot of disjointed moments limited the rate of laughs from the audience to a point that the ending became quite sour. However, this is a must-see for Kevin Hart fans. For others, you won't be converted to a fan from this material.

Laugh at My Pain consists of three acts: the first act being about Kevin Hart's tour of Philadelphia to the audience, the second act being his stand-up performance in Cali, and the final act being a random skit about robbing a bank. I did not make that up. Let's now talk about Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart's comedy comes at the style of Bernie Mac, not afraid of humiliating himself while telling a plethora of amusing (and sometimes exaggerated) stories about his upbringings and his lifestyle. He is one of the better modern-day comedians, but still lacks the variety, stamina, and the slick substance of Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle.

His stand-up here was definitely the best part of the movie, far more entertaining than the slightly egotistical but heartfelt intro in Philly, and much funnier than the awful skit that finishes the film. His stand-up routine isn't his best, but still delivers. He talks a lot about his dysfunctional family (including an excellent bit about his infamous uncle that's a staple in his comedy), his sex life and impending divorce, and about financial lifestyle. The one evolution you'll see here when compared to his past work is that he likes to run his jokes now, constantly repeating some of them throughout the bits. The audience I was watching the movie with was eating up this performance; they loved every second of it. Kevin Hart fans will not be disappointed.

And then there's the final third of the flick. Kevin Hart's stamina isn't as long as Bill Cosby, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, and not even the likes of Dane Cook. By stamina I mean length of his actual stand-up. While Bill Cosby and Eddie Murphy (back in the day) can easily pull almost 2 hours of bits in one sitting, Hart doesn't have that ability----yet. And because of this, he had to throw in something extra so the movie doesn't feel like an extended television episode. The final skit however was absolute garbage. First off the audience Hart appeals to will most likely not catch the references to Tarantino and Michael Mann filmmaking. Second off, it broke the entire pace of the movie. Third off, t was unnecessary and just all-around not funny. I strongly suggest walking out after his stand-up part finished so you can walk away from the theater with a smile and not a frown.

Bottom Line: Kevin Hart would have delivered a better movie if he extended his comedy and not try to become a Chappelle (his show was a hilarious underground phenomenon) or Rock by providing a skit. Skits are leagues different from stand-up and unless you have a true grasp on how to time your humor in these things, you are better off not performing any of them. Kevin hart's brand of humor is conventional, not too edgy or underground (like George Carlin) and will appeal to most audiences as long as you can tolerate the language. But if you are expecting a stand-up comedy classic like those we saw in the 70s and 80s, then you will be disappointed. This film isn't a game-changer, but will entertain plenty, especially in the middle bulk.

How the MLB 2012 Season Should Look Like (Attempt #2)

So we got football season approaching around the corner. And all the attention in the sports world will shift to the NFL although there is a great season of Major League Baseball still occurring. And that’s fine, its acceptable. Although baseball is my personal favorite sport, the NFL is just a much easier sports league to follow, and football is the representation of American sports. And whenever a sports season drags on too long, we shift focus—look at what happens in the spring when the NBA season is STILL dragging on and baseball can be felt in the air. But I had a random thought a couple days ago while thinking about the scheduling in baseball and how it can be improved: what if MLB was only done on weekends?



Now, for those avid readers of my blog, I have already done an outlook on how I think MLB should be scheduled in the coming years. But another idea popped into my head that just might be crazy enough to work. Picture this:

1) Baseball is only played on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays (with a few exceptions here and there, special games, make-up games, etc.).

2) Four games a week, with the double-headers occurring on Saturdays.

3) 2 bye weeks, to even out the playing field. This scheduling scheme can only work fairly if the proposed re-alignment plan of moving an NL team to the American League to even out the number of teams actually occurs.

4) Only four weeks a season will all 30 teams play, and that’s during Interleague play, when this is indeed possible. The Interleague system I have discussed before, but I strongly believe we should keep the interstate rivals (Mets-Yankees, Marlins-Rays, Royals-Cardinals) and always repeat the World Series of the year before.

5) 15 of the weeks will two teams have a Bye. Later in the season, 5 weeks will give six teams a bye week. That way every team in baseball has the same number of resting weeks.

6) Crunching in the numbers, it totals to a 24-week season, and 88 games per team overall.


Now, if you want a better visual representation of what the weekly breakdown of the games played will become under this format, here it is coming right up.




As for the playoffs, well, I’ve already discussed it in this article. Keep it the same; just add a second wild card to have a one-game playoff before the real playoffs start. Its simple, but it will definitely work. Now the question is, why on earth would we dip the season from 162 games to 88? Now I am not 100% serious on wanting this insane decrease of games and far more structured format, but if we played baseball on weekends, then it would be much easier to follow, and would be a much smoother addition to daily life as opposed to seeing the games bounce all over the place in the calendar and by the time you blink, you’ve already missed three-four games of baseball. And just like my other proposal, which would dip the season to a more modest 126 games, each game would hold far more weight as opposed to one-of-162 ballgames.

Football’s biggest appeal is the fact that it simplifies everything schedule-wise, and hands massive weight on each and every game. Almost all games on Sunday, one on Monday, later in the year we got one on Thanksgiving, and then a few sprinkles of Thursdays but everyone else still stuck on the Sundays. The average American can honestly adjust their life so that they can fit in a viewing of their favorite team without sacrificing too much from their daily routine. Baseball is 162 games, and without the playoffs that’s already 40-44% of your year. With football, the 16 games is barely past 4%.

If you pit baseball on weekends, then we can track our favorite teams better, and perhaps even plan out the weeks so that we can make a better effort to go to the games. While this doesn’t apply to your higher-market-high-fanbase teams like the Yankees, Phillies, Giants, and Cubs, this definitely applies to the Marlins, Orioles, Rays, Athletics, and especially the Rays (worth repeating). Of course the biggest problem is that this would utterly destroy every scheduling tradition in the book, and we all know baseball is about the tradition. Think of how the record books would be tarnished if we shanked the season to 88 games. So here is the other potential solution, although the players would probably hate me for it. A lot.

5 games a week. Double-headers on Friday and Saturday, with the potential series-tiebraker on Sunday nights. What would the total of games be? 24 X 5, which are 120 games. My other scheduling idea? 126 games. Not too far off, and baseball players would get 4 days off a week, while we fans still get 5 ballgames a week. Decent trade-off if you ask me. Last time any baseball league had this few number of games? 1886 National League. Yes folks, baseball goes this far back. And with all these days off, it gives us plenty of time for make-up games and potential tiebreakers towards the end of the year.


Bottom Line: Major League Baseball was a smash hit back in the day because it was chock full of legends, stories, history, rivalries, and memorable moments. But most of all, the world was of a slower pace, and allowed for us to enjoy baseball at its finest form. That was then. This planet is a far faster and more chaotic society today, and its one that doesn’t have time for 162 games of baseball unless you are a hardcore-hardcore fan. While my scheduling ideas are a bit on the drastic side (this one far more than the other) , why I am trying to accomplish is a way to make baseball more relevant without removing some of its Cracker Jack flavor. One thing is certain though, the sports world is evolving rapidly and there’s no way baseball can participate in the evolution if it sticks with its current scheduling guns.

An Ode to a Modern Summer Classic

In the midst of this terrible blockbuster season, I looked back and pondered just why it has been such a miserable year for movies. The answer is simple: too much retreading, not enough originality. The plethora of sequels, 3-D movies, remakes, and comic book adaptations became overkill and worst of all none of them really made much of a push to be anything decent. The critical reviews and dismal box office numbers proved this, as there were way too few hits (Pirates 5, Harry Potter 7.2, Transformers 3, Horrible Bosses) when compared to the disappointments (Green Lantern, Cowboys and Aliens, Captain America, Cars 2, Fright Night, The Change-Up, etc.). The message is simple: we viewers are tired of all the sequels, and we are tired of the sequels just not even trying anymore. But there was a blockbuster film on television today that best exemplifies what type of movie we audiences are actually craving. I give you: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.

Major Note: Now, in order for me to fully make this argument, you have to try to forget that the writers and director pretty much tarnished the franchise forever with the third installment. Neglect the fact that At World’s End ever happened. Lesson to all you aspiring filmmakers: never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever try to mix spaghetti western with swashbuckling action. This does not nor will it ever work. Now, back to our original article.




It has been 5 years since this movie came out, can you believe that? And special effects-wise, it still holds up. As a matter of fact, I would take this summer movie or anything we’ve seen this year. And for this reason mainly I still say in terms of summer movies throughout the history of film Dead Mans Chest is one of the most underrated. It raised the bar for special and visual effects like Jurassic Park, it delivered a very unique tale with high presentation like The Matrix, and does an excellent job raising the stakes and ramping up the action as a sequel like Terminator 2. And best of all, this movie has all the makings of a true Oscar contender, except having the personality that it actually gives two shifts about the Academy Awards.

The screenwriting, albeit a bit muddled, gives us a barrage of excellent and memorable characters. We have the irreplaceable Jack Sparrow, the feisty and unpredictable Elizabeth Swan, the sinister Davy Jones, the trusty partner Joshamee Gibbs, and the varied crew of the Black Pearl. The production effort in this film was to the scale of Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and all your other massive grand-scale cinematic mammoths. Just look at the movie again and look at the detail towards the set designs, the cinematography, the make-up (Naomie Harris, a naturally beautiful woman, was very uglified when she became Tia Dalma), and the sheer number of different locations used.

P.S.: where’s the Oscar nomination for best Original Score for Hans Zimmer? He aided this movie with his rounding musical compositions.

Dead Man’s Chest’s acting was also up to par. You think it’s easy to play pirates? You have to be a mix of intimidating, charming, entertaining, and also sympathetic. Remember, these are murdering monsters whose life mission is to rummage through the seven deadly sins without question. And yet, we are still rooting for them. That requires a good blend of writing and acting. There are very few heroes in this tale, and yet we quietly cheer for the scoundrels. Never easy to do. And of course, there’s Johnny Depp, who should have gotten an Oscar nod for his flawless performances in the first two Pirates (the latter two aren’t disappointing, but it’s unfair to ever nominate someone who has practically molded into said role).

Best of all, Dead Man’s Chest has something that has been sorely lacking in this summer season outside Fast Five (which actually doesn’t even qualify in the summer season since it came out in April): action. Lots of it. Remember the movie? Dead Man’s Chest had some of the best action sequences in the past 15 years, with the three-way showdown that started out simple and expanded into a massive sequence that looks like involved the entire island.

Come on now, two people were duking it out on a moving wheel while Jack Sparrow was inside the wheel desperately trying to get a key. At the SAME TIME, Swann and a few other pirates engage in a showdown against invincible henchmen of Davy Jones’ crew. AT THE SAME TIME (again) a massive monster was lurking in the depths, waiting for the return of Jack Sparrow to the ocean. Unlike the seemingly-endless fight in the end of Transformers 3, this movie never loses its creativity and variety, and never becomes redundant. Throw this skillfully directed sequence with the other fun sequences which includes: a chase scene between hostiles and the crew, a smaller showdown against the Kraken at another point in time, and a fun bar fight in Tortuga.

And finally, there’s something in this great popcorn flick that you just don’t see in any summer movie anymore: surprises. Looking back, Dead Man’s Chest was a very unpredictable tale that reeved up the number of plot twists and surprises in the second half of the movie. Let’s see: the treasure winds up in the hands of the East India Trading Company, Elizabeth Swann transforms from a higher-class citizen to a pirate, James Norrington betrays everybody involved, Elizabeth Swann assists in the murder of Jack Sparrow, Jack Sparrow actually dies, and biggest of all, Barbossa decides to make an appearance in the final shot. Doesn’t sound like a big deal now, but being in that audience back in the summer of 2006, this film turned lots of heads with its final act.


Bottom Line: We need more summer films like Dead Man’s Chest: a sequel that doesn’t copy the first, but expands upon it with a bigger budget, more effort, more action, more humor, and more surprises. The creativity of Dead Man’s Chest is exactly why I marveled and truly enjoyed this movie (and can still watch it today): it was unique and separate from the usual popcorn movie bunch with its special effects, storyline, and crazy action sequences. While the latter installments tarnished the reputation of this movie (much like how the Matrix sequels screwed up the mythology and written precision of the original) this movie can still stand the test of time as it doesn’t age, just maintains the quality it originally had five years ago. If filmmakers like Michael Bay, Joe Johnson, Jon Favreau, and Michael Bay (oh yea, repeating on purpose) took notes from this movie, we’d have a far better crop of movies as opposed to what we saw in the past few months.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest: an underrated summer gem that doesn’t get enough respect. Even after 5 years and few movies that have been able to top it.


And remember, At World's End never happened.