Fixing Baseball

Baseball season is underway, and already we have seen great moments, great games, great tributes, and great plays. Despite what anyone says, baseball is the best sport out there, and Major League Baseball is the best professional league in the States. While the NBA is becoming more and more a pussified sport, while the NFL has been slowly sucking all the fun out of theirs, there is always major league baseball to depend on for the spring and the summer. But, like all the pro sports, it definitely isn’t perfect. There can be a few changes to enhance what greatness is already there. I have assembled a variety of ideas (this is all free folks) that will be sure to make the game quicker, make the game more effective, and fix all the tiny little bugs MLB has experienced over the years.

To start things off, the playoff format is perfect, just saying. The Wild Card inclusion makes for some great and heavily competitive baseball, right up to the end. However, the season containing 162 games is perhaps a bit much, especially with society having more and more trouble following anything past five seconds. Somewhere between 135-142 games would be more effective. While that is still many more games than the average sport, baseball is the one sport in which anybody can beat anybody on any given day, it’s just that unpredictable. While I have yet to consider 162 games as overkill, minimizing the amount of games would add a bit more weight to every matchup. Another little suggestion, we should have more interleague games, and should have a tiny raffle before every season to randomly place one AL team to take on an NL team. This way, lower-market teams like the Reds and Nationals still have a chance to take on the Yankees and Red Sox.

Now these upcoming changes are to speed up the individual games themselves---just a little. For starters, after seven foul balls, it should equal a strike. I don’t see this rule ever being enforced, but it would definitely destroy those eternal fouling battles we get from time to time. Now, every quarter of play (three innings), only three timeouts on the mound are allowed. If they were to call another timeout when they don’t have any more, it’s automatically a strike. Another thing that should be limited is pitching changes. Personally, I think that only two pitching changes are allowed per team, per inning, no more. The only exception is if the pitcher gets injured. That idea won’t get off the ground either.

Instant replay, I am not a fan of, especially because of the fear that they will use it towards every play out there loosely questionable. Instead, MLB should follow what the NFL does: the challenge flag. Both teams should be allowed three challenges per game. If the call is overturned, they whether reset the play or change the call. Otherwise, if the ruling stands, then the next batter starts off with a strike automatically. The only time the umpires challenge a play without a flag being tossed is on the very last inning. This system isn’t perfect, but it will prevent from an overload of instant replays. After all, with baseball being the slowest sport this side of golf, it doesn’t help the pacing with 5 minutes of replaying a previous moment.

The biggest change is steroids: if you are caught, you are automatically banned. With that being said, to limit and destroy any clouds of questioning, all the names from that damn report should be released. Finally, please, just unveil all the names, just not the major ones. This way, we can see the innocent as well as the guilty. This one is simple; drugs like steroids are cheating and should be banned. Not to mention, they are not healthy at all.

Honestly, that’s about it. Can’t think about much more changing that baseball needs. There is always the salary cap, but I can’t even consider a solution to that one—that one will require true, incredible thinking. If I have a solution, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, if you have other ideas to change the ways of baseball, feel free to present them.

Go Rays!!

Oceans: 10/10

The masterpiece mini-series Planet Earth ushered a new era of technology and technique of filmmaking in the world of animal and life-based documentaries. After years of effort and a much heavier budget than your average documentary, Planet Earth set the benchmark for cinematographers and any programming about animals for years to come. Disney enters the mix by attempting to revive the Real-Life Adventure series that delivered Walt Disney multiple Academy Awards and also put the company on the map on yet another type of entertainment. Earth was Disney’s first new-generation foray into family-appealing documentaries. Well, this Earth Day we receive what just might become the greatest work of documentary since Planet Earth years upon years ago. Four years in the making, Oceans contains some of the best footage ever displayed on the big screen. While it doesn’t educate much in the sense of Planet Earth, the dazzling footage more than makes up for the lack of facts.

In Oceans, we follow the five different oceans of the world and the animals that inhabit it and maneuver around them. Narrated by Pierce Brosnan, the film flows from one creature to another with a backdrop of soothing European instrumental music supporting the images. You’ll see the usual lovely whales, dolphins, seals, walruses, but then see creatures rarely before (sometimes never before) seen on film: including blue whales, sheep fish, and much more. Over 50 different locations were used in the filming of this documentary, with some locations obviously requiring weeks to months of patience to deliver the right footage.

Money Shot is a slang term in film which describes a difficult-to-create sequence that tries to sell the film. Let’s just say that Oceans has at least a dozen of those. Some things displayed on screen are no magnificent, so beautiful, so mesmerizing, you almost question the authenticity of it all. The cynic in me finds it sometimes hard to believe that the French filmmakers and cinematographers were able to capture footage of whales, sharks, dolphins, and birds all feeding on the same schools of fish at the same time; or come up with footage of dozens of dolphins leaping out of the water and flipping multiple times before landing again. Or even thousands of crabs fighting against each other in the bottom of the ocean. These are just small examples of the incredible moments of nature that you get to see throughout the too-short 85 minutes. There are other examples but I refuse to reveal for the sake of not spoiling; let’s just
say there’s a sequence involving a deadly storm and its capabilities.

In order to fully appreciate and receive the full entertainment value of this beautiful display of nature, you must see it on the big screen. Unlike the previous Disneymentary Earth, Oceans slows very well, is edited much tighter, and doesn’t jump all over the place. Then there’s the superior soundtrack, superior narration, and superior amount of footage. They range from fearsome, to beautiful; to sometimes even sentimental (the scene with the walrus will water your eyes). Walt Disney would be absolutely proud of this work, even if technically Disney wasn’t responsible for the actual film. The overseas team headed by Jacques Perrin (responsible for Winged Migration) deserves all the credit for the effort given and the result.

Bottom Line: Oceans may be a movie merely displaying the beauty of the oceans and what lies underneath, but this film is far too gorgeous for you to avoid. If you have any affection towards nature and the millions of stories carried underneath it, you must see this movie while it has its short run in movie theaters nationwide. The footage is amazing, the images are spectacular, and the overall production is nearly flawless. It is a beautiful documentary for the ages, and hopefully will pave the way for more films with as much effort as this one. With four years to craft the quintessential film about animals, this all paid off magnificently. If you love animals, watching this is a major requirement, not even a recommendation.

Enjoy the movie. Save the oceans.

The DIAC Summer Movie Preview feat. 10 Movies You Must Watch

Welcome to the unofficial official movie summer guide for watching movies. In this guide, I will provide a list of the 10 movies that you absolutely, positively must see in order to enjoy your summer travels to the movies. Judging by the trailers, who is behind the camera, the concept, originality, and coolness factor, I have assembled an essential viewing guide that I hope will suit everybody. If it doesn’t, you are wrong and there honestly isn’t much you can do about it. Eh, enough introduction, it’s not like any of you read this anyway, here are the ten movies you absolutely must watch.

But before we do that, I must hand you the list of movies that I predict will ultimately disappoint:

1) Twilight: Eclipse: Looks like crap from a distance. Plus, I am on Team Jacob allllll the way--and we all know he is going to lose

2) Shrek Forever After: Shrek stopped being funny years ago....glad this is supposedly the last installment

3) Killers: Katherine Heigl....please stop.

4) Despicable Me: Eh...meh....eh...

5) Get Him to the Greek: Watch the trailer...looks like a movie trying way too hard for raunchy humor...

Now, on to the top 10!


#10: Salt
Star: Angelina Jolie
This movie is about an employee in the CIA that apparently is going to kill the president because secretly she is a spy. One tiny catch though, she has absolutely no idea she is going to perform such a feat and has no idea she even has the ability to become a spy. It looks like a nice hybrid of action and suspense and mystery all blended in with a nice---rather original concept. Comes out July 23rd

#9: The Last Airbender
Star: None
While M. Night may be the laughing stock of the movie industry (See: The Happening), he does have a chance to redeem himself (again) with a screenplay that does not totally belong to him. Based off the cult hit Nickelodeon show that was cast under the shadow of Spongebob (forever and always), The Last Airbender looks like a live-action look into the first couple of seasons. As long as they can capture the magic and majesty of the show, there’s no reason why this film could fail. But..it is M. Night……Releases July 2nd

#8: Sex and the City 2
Star: Sarah Jessica Parker
Yes, this is on the list. The original television show was incredible writing mixed with great acting. The movie, while morally bankrupt, was still a fun movie to watch. In the sequel, we yet again get to see the lives of the four women with a lot of money and fashion sense, while never really showing what it is they do exactly. This time, they pick a totally obscure location, find some long-lost friends, and a long-lost love is thrown in the mix. If its anything like the original, it will be the premiere chick flick to watch in the summer. Releases early June.

#7: The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Star: Jake Gynlehallwhatchamacallit
While video game movies have failed miserably quality-wise on the most part (With nothing acting as an exception), Disney is going to give it another go with the biggest-budgeted gaming movie since Tomb Raider years ago. This time, we have a great director, great acting cast, and a grand producer behind the wheel. If its containing any of the magic of the original Pirates of the Caribbean (mix of action, humor, and adventure), then we have our potentially first grand gaming movie. And yes, I am including the overrated Resident Evil franchise in the list of misery. Releases May 28th

#6: The Other Guys
Star: Will Ferrell
While Will has many hit-and-miss moments, his work with director Adam McKay has been definitely on the successful end. This director was responsible for three of Ferrell’s best movies (Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Step Brothers). Whatever the reason, when these two team up, comedic sparks fly. Now, add Mark Wahlberg, the Rock, Samuel L. Jackson, Eva Mendez, Steve Coogan, and Will in a sudden action flick, and we have the potential for sheer epicness. The trailer for the movie featured your usual Will humor, but this time gunfights and chases following behind. This just might be the surprise-surprise hit of the summer season. Releases August 16th

#5: Knight and Day
Star: Cameron Diaz, Tom Cruise
This movie has all the potential in the world, especially with the whimsical comedic timing of Tom Cruise (who can be funny when he needs to be) and Cameron Diaz (immortalized in There’s Something About Mary). Add a fun concept (that mixes mayhem with romance), good-looking action sequences, great director (James Mangold), and just a fresh action flick in a sequel-filled summer season. Basically it’s about a woman who meets a mysterious man that seems to be a fugitive of the law. Releases June 25th

#4: Inception
Star: Leonardo DiCaprio
We have no idea what the plot is yet. What we do know is that it looks like a heist film—but stealing ideas of the mind. Crazy concept? I know. But, the trailer looked amazing, Christopher Nolan is an established star in the directing/writing world, and it will most certainly be the most unique movie of the entire year. Let’s not also forget the excellent-sounding score of Hans Zimmer. Releases July 16th

#3: Toy Story 3
Star: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen
Pixar has literally had a perfect record, with A Bug’s Life and Cars being their weakest movie but still managed to deliver the entertainment and heart necessary to be worthy of the movie theater prices. And now we have the final installment to one of the greatest cinematic 1-2 punches in history: Toy Story 1 and 2. While the trailers aren’t as good as the first two, there are still major hopes that this will tug at the heartstrings and deliver just as many laughs as Toy Story 2 did back in 1999. With almost the entire cast returning and many new characters joining in, how can this movie possibly fail? But, the question is, just how good will it is when compared to the first two…Releases June 18th

#2: Iron Man 2
Star: Robert Downey Jr.
This movie will whether suffer the Spider-Man 3 effect (too much, not enough time), or deliver the X-Men 2 effect (effective use of massive cast). Iron Man 2 looks like it will have all the humor, fun, and action of the first installment, which was a surprise smash in 2008. And with glimpses of War Machine, Whiplash, Nick Fury, and Natasha Romanoff, there is no reason why comic book fans should skip out on this opening weekend. Please don’t let it suffer from Spider-Man 3 syndrome…please…Releases May 7th

#1: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Star: Michael Cera
Now, not everyone loves fanboyism movies, but I personally do. Fanboy movies are some of the best you’ll ever see, with Zombieland, Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, Kick-Ass, Shoot Em Up being great examples of great filmmaking that screws over the rating system by delivering crazy action and content that can usually find only in the comic books and underground cartoons. And now we have this epic-looking movie with an epic-looking trailer and an epic-looking concept. Scott must fight several ex-boyfriends in gaming-related contests to win the heart of a beautiful woman. Then, we have Edgar Wright, whom was responsible for the nearly-flawless Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, behind the director’s chair. How can you possibly go wrong with a mesh of the deadpan humor of Cera with the directing details of Wright? Of all the good-looking summer movies coming out, this one looks the most fun by far. Releases in August.

The Sarasota Walkabout

Man vs. Food has become a television show that put many under-the-radar restaurants on the map. What were secret places within the town suddenly gain their fifteen minutes of fame and it carries over to attract food lovers around the state. What GQ Magazine did for Le Tub in Hollywood, Man vs. Food forever changed Yoder’s Restaurant. Man vs. Food featured an episode in Sarasota, Florida concerning a well-known local Amish restaurant, a seaside eatery, and also a spot that creates some of the craziest sandwiches in the east coast. So, being the food enthusiast, decided to embark on a journey to follow Adam’s footsteps and see just what food he was eating.

From Orlando, Sarasota was a meager two hours away, but I’ve done worse (4 hours for Le Tub anyone?). The drive in itself wasn’t difficult, a quick trip to I-4 and then I-75 South towards Sarasota. Yoder’s wasn’t too far from the interstate, so it was easy to find. The episode displayed a massive line that stretched outside the door and wrapped around the restaurant. The reason for the line is because apparently their fried chicken is absolutely, positively incredible. They say the smell of the fried chicken ranges past the restaurant and even past the adjacent gift shop. However when we arrived (Arika, Josh) the line wasn’t too long, a couple of families. Yoder’s also had a gift shop close by and a large fruit market next door. The place inside felt very old-school but did feature a wall full of awards and there was a television showing Adam’s visit to the place. Everyone inside was friendly and more than willing to help out. They had a list of specials written on a whiteboard next to the end of the line.




We are seated, prepared to tackle the fried chicken (and eventually take on the Munchies joint, but that’s another story entirely). But, we hit a snag that not a single person could predict, not even the most pessimistic of human beings. Arika reads the menu and is a mix of angry, disappointed, frustrated, and shock. Her face drops. I check the menu to see why such a reaction happened.









No.










Come on now.










Are you kidding me? No fried chicken?


That’s right boys and girls, no fried chicken on Fridays. Guess what day I arrived. Go ahead, I’ll give you time. In one of the biggest plot twists you’ll ever hear about since Psycho, they don’t sell the extremely famous fried chicken on Fridays. It explains the lack of a line, lack of a smell, and why we noticed nobody else was really eating it. Now, of course, this demands some explaining, so we asked the waitress why the most popular part of the restaurant serves their delicacy only a meager 6 days a week. This is not only bizarre, but absolutely pointless. Wouldn’t it make sense to serve your big dish all the time? It’s like Magic Kingdom selling Mickey Premium bars every day except Mondays---which would result in riots stretching from here to DisneyLAND.
The waitress explains that since one the specials calls for all-you-eat fish, they need all the fryers to make the fish.



………..












……………………….










…..
That was it? The place has been around since the 70s and their solution to the problem of all-you-can-eat seafood is by limiting the sales of their big seller once a week? What? I understood the answer, but it was not going to make up for the two-hour drive and heavy anticipation. The show never mentioned this, and it’s not warned outside the restaurant. With disappointment in our hearts and minds, we order other random items and disappointingly wait for the food that was disappointingly not fried chicken. They had apple butter, which was amazingly good. But no fried chicken. I ordered a pan chicken of some sort with mashed potatoes and corn. No fried chicken. The food was very good, but it wasn’t fried chicken. The food was decent, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t deliver the spiritual nirvana experience that I received from Le Tub. No fried chicken. Oh, one final note, Arika really wanted sweet mashed potatoes---but they don’t serve that until 4:00. Oh, another note, I wanted dumplings---but that’s served only on Tuesdays. …..




No fried chicken.




The other thing they are known for is their pies, which are made from scratch from the first second to the very last. At first, we wanted to meet the owner, but after having our hearts torn out and fed to a hungry blender, our anticipation to see the owner died with our chances of getting fried chicken. Yes, if you have been counting, I’ve mentioned no fried chicken seven times so far in this article. I ordered fried chicken-less peanut butter pie, which was quite good and definitely nearly made up for the lack of….dumplings.
Arika had her apple pie, which was good. Overall, the food was good, but quite costly and doesn’t really justify the heck of a drive like Le Tub. Not to mention, this is easily the most restrictive restaurant I have ever visited---so many items, but so many different rules and restrictions surrounding them. At least we still had the munchie place that opens at 4:20.





No fried chicken.


Let me be very clear about the munchie place: it was disappointing to the utmost level. It was small, crampy, had bathrooms full of dead bugs and smells that could kill dogs, the service was slow, and it just lacked the personality of anything old-school or even new-school. The person at the counter just didn’t want to be there, and it looked like barely anybody was making the food at the restaurant. It was 5:30, don’t get me wrong, it won’t be jumping like in the evening time—but the food did take over 20 minutes to receive. This munchie joint (which has a name, but it’s not worthy of mentioning) was known for their fat sandwiches, in which they mix all sorts of random crap together to create Mary Jane fans’ dreams come true. Me and Arika shared a Fat Sandy, which was a mix of cheeseburgers, chicken strips, mozzarella sticks, French fries, and onion rings. It was whether going to be the greatest thing ever or the worst thing ever.



The result was: one of the weakest sandwiches I’ve ever eaten. It was prepared very half-assly. If I can make a tastier sandwich (My newest sandwich creation: The Basil Salmon Experience) then we have a major issue. Something must have happened between the time Adam went and the time we went, because I find it hard to believe that Adam had any good words to say about this dirty joint. I find it even harder to believe that it’s featured as one of Travel Channel’s top spots to chow down. Give me time, and I’ll come up with 100 superior places. The trip was a disappointment with Yodel’s, and became nearly a total bust with the second joint. Thank goodness the beach area was fun and nice to look at.


Bottom Line: A trip to where Man vs. Food had traveled was one of the most disappointing moments of my entire life. Not sure where the disappointment began and where it ended; but quite frankly there was no willpower to consider a return visit-----although technically I can’t totally knock off the Amish joint until I officially try the fried chicken. Can this fried chicken totally change the way I view the restaurant. This wouldn’t be the first time a single item in a menu represents the entire location: the kitchen sink at Beaches n’ Cream, fish and chips at Rose and Crown, Cheeseburger in Paradise in Margaritaville being other notable examples. Will I return to Yoders? Most likely, but definitely not on a Friday. What about the other place whose name is not worthy of being mentioned in this sentence? Nope. Not at all.


There still is the Salty Dog to visit, which is in the beautiful beach area of Sarasota.


In the meantime:










No Fried Chicken.

Post-Article Note #1: Technically, they do warn you outside the restaurant...with an online menu at the website. But either way...why would I check to see if they serve their food all the time every day?

Post-Article Note #2: In an ironic move, Pride Rock (the cafeteria at Animal Kingdom) serves fried chicken the day after the Sarasota walkabout. Boy oh boy that sucked.....

Kick-Ass: 9/10

Kick-Ass (2010)

Pure comic book fanboy heaven, 16 April 2010

There has been many, many, many, many, many, many, many (clt-v is awesome) comic book movies in the past several years, with some being good, some being bad, and some being downright ugly (Hulk anyone?). However, we rarely get movies that celebrate the entire genre the way horror was celebrated by Shaun of the Dead and Slither and spaghetti westerns were celebrated by almost anything Tarantino (loose exaggeration, I know). Kick-Ass however ends this drought by becoming the bad-ass, kick-ass, slam-bang roundabout kick to the face of a movie that the fans had been hoping for. This film is not just a nice homage to all things comics; it's also a wonderful story full of action, suspense, a bit of drama, and all blending in with dark humor. If you like your comic book movies raw, smart, engaging, and downright fun, then Kick-Ass should be your cup of martini.

Kick-Ass is about a typical teenager named Dave (Aaron Johnson) that wants to become a superhero to help those in need, and to add a bit of purpose into his life. After accidentally being shown online trying to fight a gang, a slew of wanna-be superheroes followed suit, with some actually rising to become serious threats to villains of New York City. Based off a new-generation comic book written by Mark Millar and John Romita Jr., this film successfully takes the homages, grueling humor, and intense moments from the comic book and translates it to the screen with very little filler space. Written by the director Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman, Kick-Ass manages to cover a lot of ground, backstory and all, without ever dragging the movie. And unlike your usual comic book dialogue, there isn't a single line that made you want to cringe or squeal in disgust.

What makes this movie totally work and keep you entertained, is the likability of every character on screen. Part of this has to do with the writing, but most of it is the superb acting. Aaron Johnson shines in the lead role, by mixing vulnerability with a delightful down-to-earth personality that's easy to relate to. In terms of emotions, Kick-Ass most resembles Spider-Man, a person who accidentally receives some powers but carries a lot of emotional weight with his newfound glory.

Nicholas Cage and Chloe Moretz delivered the best performances by portraying a sentimental and deadly father-daughter team that provided some of the best laughs and some of the heavier moments. Moretz is incredible, especially for someone her age; she isn't your typical kid that curses only for laughs—she can kick your arse twelve times before you hit the ground. Its tough to make an audience convicted that a child can perform such maneuvers, but Kick-Ass pulls it off without breaking a single sweat.

Matthew Vaughn is a much underrated director, but if he doesn't get any special love for his directing here, then I give up on critics nationwide. He directs this with such glee, such precision and such talent, the entire comic book movie world should start taking notes. The pacing is incredible, the surprises are well-hidden, and the action sequences are edited so tightly, it was inches from perfection. The fights and shootouts were brutal and didn't pull any punches, as you see blood, guts, and absolute mayhem right at your face. If the action were any closer to you, you'd walk out of the theater with burn marks and eternal scars.

Kick-Ass succeeds as a great movie because it gleefully parodies, references, and imitates comic book movies of the past and the present. Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, and even Sin City had their small moments to shine as all of the characters going to the high school mention, read, talk about, and criticize comic book characters. This is a fanboy's movie, no question about it. Kick-Ass never tries to appeal to the mainstream, instead aims and hits the target at entertaining those in love with flipping to the next page to see the next comic panel. No PG-13 carnage here, you'll get all the blood, violence, sex, and humor that's usually in the bookstores but rarely is on-screen nowadays. You'll feel every punch, shot, and crushing blow---and you are going to love it.

Bottom Line: Kick-Ass is kick ass. I know everyone is going to say the same thing from here on out, it's far too easy a compliment to give it. But, there's no other way to describe the 110 minutes. If you want a deeper explanation, we have a blend of good writing, good acting, good dosage of action, and good dosage of emotion, good directing, good pacing, and enough entertainment to cover the last couple comic book movie disappointments. Nicholas Cage is forgiven for Ghost Rider (not yet for Bangkok Dangerous….not yet), and fanboys yet again can flock to the theaters to see a film that was made strictly for them---much like Zombieland last year. Recommend to anyone that likes comics---new or old.

If I Became President

Over at Animal Kingdom, I had a healthy discussion with a person whom wants to be president down the road. Its most definitely a feasible dream, especially with a low-key senator currently running the country right now. Obama is one of the more down-to-Earth presidents we’ve ever had, joining the ranks of Clinton, Lincoln, Kennedy, and Roosevelt (The Bull one). So, a college program cast member most certainly can have the opportunity to rise into the elite core of politics in this nation. But it also got me thinking, what would happen if I rise and become president? What things would I enforce/allow/disallow? I came up with a totally random list and without any more interrupting, here it is (and the sinister explanations that follow).
This is totally out of order. Some may be offended. Deal with it.

#1: All major highways = 7 lanes
Traffic will be non-existent. This will be extremely costly and will take many years, but can you imagine how much easier it will be to drive a 7-lane highway from one state to the next? Vehicular Nirvana.


#2: Every state must have a MLB, NBA, and NFL team
I will explain the total good that can come from this in a more in-depth article, but this decision is one I would most strongly support. Sports can make money and can motivate entire states: just look at the New Orleans Saints. If we enforce this rule, not only will we expand our search for athletes in all 50 states, but this will also make money for everybody, no question about it. States that lack a sports team in general can clear out some land so they have the football stadium right next to the basketball court and the baseball stadium. This will improve fitness with more emphasis on physical sports, and will increase state pride. Imagine the Mississippi Stickers (inside joke, don’t worry) taking on the Alabama Riverboats? Imagine the millions tuning to see this game in that general region. Also imagine that all of these teams will have amazingly different schedules every year since there are so many different potential teams to take on---a sports schedule will never, ever become monotonous again.


The government in my term will approve a multi-billion dollar deal that will build more stadiums around the nation and will also build a slew of new jobs; from the construction teams to the marketing teams. And yes, Puerto Rico will be required to have their teams as well. How can you possibly go wrong with this idea?


#3: Legalize All drugs
This one is very simple. If cigarettes and alcohol are legal (and kill millions upon millions more than drugs every single year) why can’t drugs? Legalizing drugs will not only lower crime (especially in the Mexican border) but will improve the economy, improve art, and make this country much happier. Seriously.


#4: Motorcycles should never park in car parking spots. Ever.
Very self-explanatory.


#5: Need a license to become a parent
In my almost-seven years with Walt Disney World, I have seen things coming from parents that I wish I would never, ever, ever see. Under my term, you MUST gain a license before having a child. If your woman is pregnant and does not get the license one week after the baby is born, you are losing him/her. Sounds drastic, but getting the license will be totally free, all you need to do is pass the common sense exams and make pledges about becoming a good parents. With this rule, gay adoption will also be legal since I know for a fact that a variety of parent-wanna-bes will try to bear children without the required paperwork.


#6: All stores charging too much for organic/healthy food will be taxed
I should never, ever, ever, ever, ever have to pay more than 3 bucks on grapes, period. Publix and Whole Foods, I am looking in your direction. If you guys continue charging ridiculous prices on foods just because they are organic or just because they happen to be healthy, you guys wil be paying the government a bit more.


#7: All restaurants will carry ratings
This will eliminate any chance of me entering a usually-4-star restaurant and getting 1-star food. This will weed out all the weaker/weak Red Lobsters, Fridays, and Applebees of the world.


#8: All Bathroom Stalls Will Become Handicapped-Spaced
Why are they the only ones allowed to have room while taking a leak?


#9: All Students Must Have Ability to Enter College For At Least 2 Years
For the last ()$)*(())(@ time, Brazil is not a Spanish-speaking country. Oh, and a sidenote, universities should never be approved for a 4 billion dollar stadium if they still can’t provide decent online-class service for the students.


#10: Geography and Physical Fitness should be a Requirement From Kindergarten to Senior Year
For the last time, Alaska is a U.S. State, and not all that is Spanish is Mexican. And for the last time, ALL kids should know how to play all sports; from football to dodgeball.


#11: Political Parties Should be Eliminated or Totally Expanded
Obama is getting a lot of hate not because of his decisions, but because the Republicans have done something the Democrats have failed to do since 1999: banded together to defeat the enemy. This is ridiculous that Obama’s health care received ZERO votes from the Republican end. Can you honestly tell me that not a SINGLE red man was for giving health to the poorer? Under my term, we are whether going to destroy the foundation of political parties, or expand the parties to over 50 different categories---to eliminate this silly-nilly banding-together-to-go-against-anything-the-other-party-says-or-does.

We will have Light Republicans, Far Right Republicans, Dark Republicans, Fox News Republicans, Southern Republicans, Northern Republicans, Republicrats, Light Democrats, Far Left Democrats, MSNBC Democrats, New York Democrats, New Age Democrats, Green Party, Rainbow Party, Hispanicrats, and much, much more.


#12: We will not attack ANY country unless we are attacked by said country
The LAST time we got attacked by another country: 1941’s Pearl Harbor. Why on earth have we been to at least 5 wartime conflicts since? Korea? Kosovo? Iran? Iraq? Afghanistan? Vietnam? Antarctica? Kokomo? We will not dwell into the business of other countries unless we are attacked by them, or they suffer a natural disaster. Now, for those saying we should save counties under dictatorship or bad governments, that’s tougher because guess what: 65% (guesstimative guessing) of the countries out there most likely need some sort of help because of rigid government. We can’t save them all; we have to save OUR country first.


#13: Drinking Age is 18
We can fight a war at 18, but can’t drink? Bullcrap. We can drink at 18. Or, we fight at 21. You pick.


#14: E-Pass = Requirement
This will minimize traffic perfectly. Not saying we should tax all roads, but those with toll roads should not be accepting mere 50 cents and slow things down in such an advanced society. Every car should be equipped with e-Pass, including those rented out by tourists. This will minimize traffic, and will make traveling much easier.


#15: Legalize Drugs
Oops. Did this one. Now why would I repeat this…….


#16: Any major major decisions will be decided with a coin toss
The White House should home an official coin, in case the nation or (me) is undecided on something. The coin isn’t biased, its perfectly 50/50. Fate decides the rest.


#17: Gambling should be legal
Economy goes up, and Online Poker will be much more entertaining. Who cares if it’s addicting? There are many legal things that are addicting---cigarettes, porn, sex, chocolate, and Tetris.


#18: All Movie Theaters Should Be Equipped With a Wi-Fi Killing Device
That will destroy any chances of people making phone calls or text messages during a movie. Is there an emergency? You call the movie theater, and if it’s a real one, then every movie screen will be equipped with an announcement on the wall to the sides…only if it’s a real one.


#19: All Schools Shouldn't Enforce Reading, but carry Accelerated Reader Program
I should never be forced to read The Awakening, Tess, Shakespeare (anything by him..ugh) or any other inanely awful book, but instead be offered hundreds of books to read and have short little tests or essays about them to gain points. With enough points, you pass the reading portion of the grade level. Very simple, a lot more freedom, and you will be tuned off from reading because you had to spend 4 chapters reading about the scenery.


#20: Presidents should run up to 4 terms.
If the amendment had never been passed in the 1940s, then Clinton would have been president for another 4 years after the rockin’ 90s. Just saying.

Vote for DIAC 2016!!!!!!!