The Diabolical Ways of the National Football League

So with the referee incident finally under the bridge after the ridiculous MNF disaster, the next question revolves around why the NFL has taken so long to work out this deal that would cost them a few pretty pennies and would barely cause a dent in the financial situation of the entire league and the owners. Why? Why would the NFL do this? Why?




It is extremely simple: The NFL is nothing but pure evil.


Roger Goodell is nothing but pure evil. In the past decade we have seen the NFL transform into a monster that cares nothing more than to make more money off the consumers while do its very best not to share its earnings with anybody else. When this lockout happened I wasn’t surprised, I wasn’t fazed. As a gamer I was able to see the evil far before the rest of mainstream America caught up.




Want the evidence? EA through an evil deal got the NFL rights so that nobody else could make football games---which means EA didn’t have to try as hard to making a decent product and it also meant that the NFL can directly influence just one company in the gaming industry. So what happens now? The NFL gets a nice paycheck from EA, EA becomes the only money-maker in the football gaming industry, and all of us gamers suffer as we see the likes of NFL Gameday, NFL Blitz (It supposedly made a comeback but we all know this is bullspit), and especially NFL 2K fade into oblivion. I wrote about this years ago, and it predates the rapid quality decline of being an NFL fan.


Want more evidence? The NFL didn’t do jack diddly squat about the issue concerning concussions and post-career dilemmas until the lawsuits came flying in. The league was perfectly fine in kicking back while watching ex-player after ex-player fade into nothingness financially, emotionally, and physically. The suicides had been occurring, the lifespan of football players had been depleting rapidly. But none of this really came into light until players starting suing the league. Now, granted these lawsuits are rather dumb (the sport has been notoriously violent since the 1930s, when people were dying over football-related injuries) but the threat of losing money perturbs the league into forcing itself to pretend like they give a darn about the high mortality rate amongst former players entering the mid-life crisis cycle.


Want more evidence? The Baltimore Ravens just played 4 games in a span of 17 days. Ten years ago this would have never happened. Now, in order to appeal to the digital/extra channel world of television, the NFL Network receivers get treated to games the rest of cable-trapped America can’t gain access to. Now, there are games on Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays, with a few Saturdays most likely mixed in later in the season. The Thursday games used to just be a post-Thanksgiving tradition. Now, it’s a weekly feature, resulting in teams playing more games in less time—more often the more successful teams. Isn’t it great to be tortured because you make more money for the league?



Want to continue? The NFL continues its truly madly deeply evil blackout policy that punishes entire television markets just because the home games don’t sell out. Its not enough that the NFL does receive better attendance numbers than any other league, they want to sell out every single freakin’ game despite the economy remaining in the deep end in the past half-decade. Thanks to the NFL, I can’t watch a single Dolphins game on television this entire season. Instead, I get to see the Jaguars----on the road.


So, with the fake caring for player safety, destruction of competition in the gaming industry, continuing despicable blackout policy that layers upon layers worse than any other professional league, and now limiting even more games from the prime time public, why are you all shocked that the NFL stooped this low to risking player safety and the integrity of the league over a few extra dollars? If it honestly wasn’t for the pure Monday Night Football disaster that was the finish of the Packers-Seahawks game, I can sure as hell guarantee you those replacements would still be out there on the field.

And the worst part? The NFL audience will just sit there and take the abuse because we are incapable as a nation to survive a few weeks without football. Until we can learn to band together and truly fight the system, the NFL will continue to screw with our emotions and screw around with the integrity of the sport of football.




I will repeat this again: The NFL is nothing but pure evil.

The Potential Redemption of Bobby Valentine

Bobby Valentine is in serious trouble.

The Red Sox have had their worst season in over a decade as they watch the rival Rays and Yankees make their push towards the postseason. You would have to go back to the 90s to see the last time the Red Sox looked this bad. Even though its Valentine’s first year, he has been criticized from the very beginning, with the jeers becoming louder after he drove out Kevin Youkilis to the White Sox—whom are having a far better season too.

His firing seems to be imminent, right around the corner after the season ends. But, he has a chance. He can redeem himself.


This Red Sox season can be saved.

The Red Sox go to Baltimore for three games and then go to New York to close out the season. If Bobby Valentine truly wants to keep his job and/or not be remembered as the bum that soiled the Red Sox name for the year of 2012, he must end the season on a high note by potentially eliminating/knocking down the Orioles and/or the Yankees with sweeps or taking 2 of 3. What better way to close out a disappointing season than taking down the two teams responsible for your disastrous 2011 finish? What better way to close out the year then karmaing it up on Baltimore and New York?


The Red Sox in 2011 were well on the way to the playoffs when the Yankees (among other teams) started shredding them in September, allowing for Tampa to creep up. And on the last day, the Orioles knocked them out in a dramatic finish, leading to the Rays beating the I’m-not-trying-that-hard New York Yankees. Before you know it, Boston was in pure shock and disarray. The GM and manager took off running, leaving expensive players and an extremely uncertain future behind. Bobby Valentine tried picking up the pieces, but injuries, bad luck, dismal defeats, questionable decisions, and a crazy mid-season trade all but ruined the entire year.


Bobby Valentine needs to reach deep into his soul and find all his best tricks of the trade to make sure they can get the job done. The road to winning Boston’s heart lies in ruining the rest of the East Coast, starting from Tampa and heading north to the Bronx. He isn’t a bad manager, he just had the wrong first impression and to be honest his personality doesn’t mesh with the blue-collar environment. The solution to salvation is very simple:



To Win the Sox, you must Beat the Bronx.

Super Mario World 3: Block Blitz

So while the 3-D Mario franchise has been met with great praise and wonderful success in recent years, the 2-D aspect of it has been losing its luster recently. The creativity in the 2-D Mario games has gone downhill quite a bit. I have tackled this in another article before, but this time I am going to envision and describe what I think would be the perfect Mario game. This is my article about how I would handle the next 2-D Mario game.



For starters lets discuss the length. The original Mario World far back in 1991 had 72 levels. The fact that we have yet to try to overwhelmingly increase the quantity of levels since that gem leaves much to be desired. No more. A 1994 Game Boy game (Donkey Kong) had 100 levels, so why can’t Super Mario World 3? My game will have 110 levels—10 levels in 10 worlds and each of them contain a super-secret level that can be obtained if you collect all the gold coins scattered in each of the levels. Each level also has a star that you can receive if you can complete the random challenge that the level offers. The more coins and stars you collect, the more material you can get for your level editor. We will get to that later.



The plot is simple, but comes with a twist. Peach once again gets kidnapped from her castle and it’s up to Mario and Luigi to save the day. However, Wario and Waluigi, broke after recent financial disasters also want in on the action. While Mario and Luigi save the Princess to keep her safe and prevent the Mushroom Kingdom from being in the hands of Bowser, the anti-villains in purple and yellow are in it for the reward.



At the end of the game, you realize that the final boss isn’t Bowser but all the kids working together. To make matters more interesting it turns out to be Daisy that you saved, not Peach. Peach is actually being held in the castle of the 10th world, which can be reached only when you collect all the star coins of the previous 99 levels. You can play as Mario, Wario, Luigi, or Waluigi and they all lead to different endings depending on which character completes the most levels. As a bonus, Daisy becomes available after she gets rescued. As for the items; we shall go with these power-ups: classic mushroom, classic fireflower, classic raccoon, and for good measure a Hammer Bros. suit.



What will make this Mario game different from the others besides the playable characters is the emphasis on the block switches. Just like Mario World and its series of block switches, Mario World 3 will contain a dozen of them spread out through the game. You have to not only unlock all the switches to truly be able to beat the game, but you have to strategize when a switch should be on or off depending on the level. Having the right switches turned on and off allows for certain levels to be easier, allows access to unreachable coins and secrets, and can sometimes even lead to hidden exits. Entire levels have a different design depending on what blocks you have turned on. Similar to how Wario Land 3 was affected by the time of day in the environment, the environment in Mario World 3 is affected by the blocks that are unleashed/turned invisible because of the switches. Some levels can have three maybe four different looks depending on what blocks and platforms you are allowing to be revealed in the world.



As for Yoshi, we are definitely bringing him in, but it’s time to give him a little more room to work with. It’s time to transform Yoshi into the Yoshi from Super Mario World 2---which includes him hovering, stomping, throwing eggs, and spitting seeds. Make these specific levels Yoshi-exclusive, while at the same time keeping him away from the other levels. I am leaning more towards 7-8 Yoshi levels in the entire experience. And then let’s give each character their own movesets, as well as their strengths and weaknesses. Mario and Wario are the stronger characters, while Luigi and Waluigi are faster and can jump higher. Lastly, Daisy while being weak can float her way around the stages and reach previously unobtainable goodies.



Most importantly, Super Mario World 3 needs a color scheme and an art style. I want to see more of the hand-drawn sketchy look from the Mario and Luigi RPG games, Yoshi’s Island, and Mario World. The current 3-D look just doesn’t cut it in a 2-D plane. Games like Rayman and Little Big Planet while not being as good at platform gameplay are infinitely better in style, look, tone, and overall graphics. Super Mario used to have the best-looking games out there (Mario Bros. 3, Mario World, Mario 64) but in recent years the effort in the overall look of the Mario games has diminished quite a bit.


As a fun little addition, Mario World 3 will have that level editor that would be perfect for the WiiU tablet. Similar to Smash Brothers Brawl, this game will give you the chance to choose the terrain, obstacles, and anything extra that you want to add to the creation. And, the farther you progress and the more coins/stars you recover, the more goodies you can choose from when making the levels. Certain enemies, and maybe even bosses can be placed on the stage after you have proven yourself on the single-player mode. Then you can share it online for others to see, preview, and maybe even download. If Nintendo wants to take it a step even farther they can grab the best-made levels, group them up into collections, and make them downloadable for everyone that owns the game—while of course rewarding the creators with some extra credit for Virtual Console and WiiUWare.



Of course, this game is definitely multi-player.


Bottom Line: This is my Mario game. Super Mario World 3: Block Blitz will feature a longer-than-usual quest with more surprises than usual and then equipped with a new way of Mario platform gaming while also digging into the past to provide a fun and unique 2-D Mario game. Unlike previous titles, there will definitely be a true incentive to going back, finding secrets, and collecting things as they contribute to the actual and true-blue ending, as opposed to getting the ending without the necessity of finding every level. Mixing a little Mario World with Yoshi’s Island brings you Mario World 3: my vision of the perfect 2-D Mario game.

Be Our (Drunk) Guest

Oh Disney, thank you for once again drifting even further away from Walt Disney’s original ideas, ideals, dreams, and aspirations. It is enough to look the other direction as opposed to face the issues and limitations the Walt Disney World has been getting over recent years—from Epcot’s lack of a changed World Showcase to the unfortunate new land Animal Kingdom is getting. I am not the boss of Disney nor am I a shareholder so I unfortunately have no voice and no power to attempt to stop the recent quality slide of Disney. But we aren’t here to discuss the current direction of Disney; we are here to discuss the breaking of a legendary rule and staple of the Disney brand.


To break one of the biggest rules Walt Disney had when he was alive because of ONE restaurant, because of ONE place for dining is atrocious, pointless, disappointing, dismal, and flat-out wrong. The Magic Kingdom has been without beer ever since opening and thanks to the lack of alcohol this park has remained one of the friendliest, cleanest, and nicest parks in the entire planet. Putting beer in a park that receives 17 million guests a year, an average of 46,000 guests A DAY is bad news, and is not worth all the negativity that could and will definitely follow.


Let’s be serious, alcohol definitely does drive sales, does indeed sometimes compliment cuisine. But it is the principle of the thing. Did you really HAVE to put beer and wine in this place? Did you honestly believe that sales were going to suffer over the lack of alcohol? In a restaurant based off of a Rated-G 1991 movie? There are more than 100 places around Disney to consume alcohol, there was no need to make it 101 while looking away from one of Disney’s legendary wishes.


You can attempt to justify this decision all you want, but there is no excuse, no reason good enough to convince me to eliminate the sobriety of the last and final alcohol-free spot in the Lake Buena Vista radius. And what makes it worse if the beer and wine sales become ridiculously good---you bet your ass that carts will begin selling the stuff too. I can guarantee it. And unfortunately in this alcohol-fueled society we live in, these thoughts and opinions are going to come off as dated, old-school, and uneconomic. The times are changing, and sadly so is Disney World—in all the wrong places.


So once again Disney, thanks for forgetting the Walt in front of your brand name.







[Anticipates arguments about Walt Disney's OTHER strict rules back in the day]

The Invisible White Flag of the Washington Nationals

The Washington Nationals are destroying their chances at a World Series.


Mark my words right here, right now.

The best team in the National League is hindering themselves and making them weaker with the postseason coming up. It makes no sense whatsoever and it does not matter what numbers you give me, it is foolish to not put your 100% team into the postseason. Shutting down Strasburg is a mix of cockiness, foolishness, and pure ignorance. I have heard of teams resting their players prior to the postseason, but to keep your best pitcher at bay throughout it? Nonsense.

17% of the National wins this season happened because of Strasburg. With nearly 200 strikeouts and an ERA squeaking past 3, he is a major contributor to the surprise-surprise success of the Washington ballclub. Remove him from the equation and you are going to lose potentially 2 quality starts in a best-of-five, and 3 quality starts in a best-of-seven. What would have happened if the Cardinals had shut down Chris Carpenter to preserve his arm for the future back in 2011? He would not have pitched in Game 162, would not have pitched his Game 5 gem against the Phillies, and would not have won Game 7 in the World Series. Stephen Strasburg has the stuff to be that necessary clutch. Now with him shut down, we may never know.

And for anyone that doesn’t see a big deal, check this: in the last 15 seasons, there have been 10 different National League champions. And notice some of the recent winners: Mets, Astros, Phillies, Marlins, Padres, Diamondbacks. Do you see any of these teams being consistent winners? The window of opportunity to go all the way in MLB has always been small, and on a consistent basis even smaller. What makes the Nationals any different? What makes them so sure they can duplicate this current success? The Phillies last year won over 100 games. Just saying.

Worst of all, you are paying a player good money to play 75% of a season, and then you are destroying his chance to compete in the playoffs, which is something most players past and present would give anything to have. He earned his opportunity to compete in October----and yet other players are going to take his place. I for one do not fear the Nationals, despite their outstanding record. Removing Strasburg from the equation makes them weaker than other playoff-bound teams like the Reds, the Braves, the Cardinals, and especially the Giants. It removes a layer of effort in terms of competing. Limit his starts, limit his innings, have a 6-7-man rotation, but don’t just take out the player altogether.



This will turn around and bite them badly. Mark my words.

2012 NFL Season Predictions: The AFC

The 2012 football season is upon us and I for one am not excited in the least bit. Is it because I am no longer an NFL fan? Nah, its because I am a Dolphins fan. There really is nothing to look forward to when rooting for Miami. Nonetheless, I am using all my skills, all my expertise, and all my observations to create predictions as to how the season is going to play out in each division. Without further interruption, here we go:


Pre-Note: If you see a picture of the team, then that means I pick them in making the playoffs.


AFC East



Patriots: 14-2
Jets: 7-9
Bills: 6-10
Dolphins: 5-11

There is too much pressure on the Jets to match the hype given to them. The Bills don’t have enough talent to improve upon last year’s surprise-to-expected fail record. The Dolphins…well…..yea. The Patriots were one defensive stop and a 1st down away from winning the Super Bowl—they have the best coach in football to boot and a quarterback just trying to prove he can win one Post-Spygate. Patriots will walk away with this division.

AFC North


Ravens: 11-5


Bengals: 10-6


Steelers: 10-6

Browns: 4-12

My predictions have been generally conservative, not too many shockers. I will deviate a little with my prediction of the Ravens winning the division and the Bengals actually putting up a good fight. The Ravens and Steelers are aging, and the Bengals are finally rid of Palmer as they gain new life and new hope. That being said, the rivalry shall continue, and a third team will tango in this division.


AFC South


Texans: 11-5
Titans: 8-8
Colts: 7-9
Jaguars: 5-11

Like the AFC East, the former champion will repeat simply because the other teams aren’t improved enough to make a threat. Keep an eye on the Titans, but the Colts are running on a rookie, and the Jaguars got a very young guy at the helm. I will be utterly shocked if the Texans don’t sweep here. That being said, they are still not good enough to be a playoff threat.


AFC West


Raiders: 9-7
Broncos: 7-9
Chargers: 6-10
Chiefs: 5-11

This is a tough one, because I don’t fully believe in Peyton Manning’s staff, I don’t believe in Palmer throwing with the Raiders, and I don’t believe in the Chargers—ever. Despite all this, I think the Raiders and their grand defense and more consistent ways will result in them taking the crown in the garbage heap of the AFC West. Let’s be honest, if it weren’t for the weekly miracles of Tim Tebow, Oakland would have been playing the Steelers.

2012 NFL Season Predictions: The NFC

The 2012 football season is upon us and I for one am not excited in the least bit. Is it because I am no longer an NFL fan? Nah, its because I am a Dolphins fan. There really is nothing to look forward to when rooting for Miami. Nonetheless, I am using all my skills, all my expertise, and all my observations to create predictions as to how the season is going to play out in each division. Without further interruption, here we go:


Pre-Note: If you see a picture of the team, then that means I pick them in making the playoffs.


NFC East


New York Giants: 10-6
Philadelphia Eagles: 9-7
Dallas Cowboys: 7-9
Washington Redskins: 5-11

This division a year ago was hailed as arguably the best in all of football. Then the 2011 season actually happened and each team looked like a flub. This season I see more flubs, with somehow a mediocre team rising from the ashes to enter the playoffs. Last season, those 9-7 Giants were the worst team to enter the postseason----only to watch their competitors fall apart en route to the Super Bowl. This season with Eli, a newfound aura of confidence, and lack of pure competition, the Giants will take the division once again. And to be honest, who cares about the others? P.S. RG3 will have his year, just not with the Redskins.


NFC North



Green Bay Packers: 12-4

Chicago Bears: 11-5

Detroit Lions: 10-6
Minnesota Vikings: 3-13

This division is going to be pure nastiness, with both Wild Cards potentially coming from this division. The Packers, Lions, AND Bears all have the makings of winning the division—although that Packer squad is still arguably the best in the nation. The Vikings will sputter from the beginning and its only purpose will be to play spoiler late in the season. The Packers will win, but if Jay Cutler can stay healthy and if that offensive line can actually protect him then you will see them battle until the end.


NFC South




Falcons: 10-6

Saints: 8-8
Panthers: 8-8
Bucs: 3-13

The Saints and its dismantlement because of the pay-for-pain punishment is going to dismantle their chances of winning the division. Drew Brees can throw 9348883 touchdowns, but that won’t do you any good if you can give up 30+ points to a offense-starved team like the 49ers. With that, the under-the-radar Falcons will rise to the challenge and overtake the rather weak division. Cam Newton will bring the Panthers to .500 football but a) their defense still needs help and b) he needs to start Tebowing his 4th quarter numbers.


NFC West



49ers: 14-2
Cardinals: 7-9
Seahawks: 5-11
Rams: 2-14

Being the only grand team in a dismal, pathetic division, the 49ers will run away with the crown and clearly will take the division. Unless the Cardinals make a shocking run I don’t see San Francisco relinquishing the crown. Not much more to say here, it’s the freakin’ NFC West.