12 Random Gaming Crossovers That Will Never Ever Ever Ever Happen (But Would Be Cool If They Did)

Boredom is a very, very, very dangerous thing. Anywho, the gaming industry is definitely a thriving one, but isn’t one that enjoys crossovers as much as it should. I have compiled a list of 12 gaming crossovers that would be amazing if they happened, but chances are they definitely won’t. They are not in any order, and you are more than allowed to suggest crossovers I may have missed. The crossovers range from mixing characters to mixing styles of gaming to mixing video games altogether. I could not come up with anything with Bomberman, but I am sure any gaming franchise would enjoy the benefit from a character that likes blowing stuff up. All right, let’s go!

Crossover #1:
Bounty Hunting in the City
Subject 1: Captain Falcon
Subject 2: Samus Aran


+


Genre: Action/Little Espionage
Arguably, both of these characters can be in the same universe. Arguably, they both have the exact same occupation, even though in history we rarely see them in their bounty hunting action. Well, in this crossover we pitch them both in a futuristic city, doing nothing more but go bounty hunting. While Metroid games are usually full of exploration and terrorizing loneliness, throwing Samus in the big city with all of her moves and weapons attached would be freakin’ sweet. Then we have Captain Falcon riding around in his vehicle, using sheer brute strength to find his pray. This would be nice.

Crossover #2:
Star Fox: Return of the Andross
Subject 1: Star Fox team
Subject 2: Star Wars universe

+

Genre: Aerial Action
Now, Star Fox will never ever be allowed to mix into the universe of Star Wars. But imagine Fox and his team exploring around the different areas and planets of Star Wars and participating in all their battles. You have the Star Wars planet being viewed from the lovable Fox team. Not many would agree, but I personally would love to see this. Its not like Star Wars is realistic or anything---but watching Slippy needing help in the Battle of Hoth would be priceless.

Crossover #3:
Pokemon Smash Brothers
Subject 1: Pokemon
Subject 2: Smash Brothers


+

Genre: Fighting
Now, picture Super Smash Brothers (Melee or Brawl, whichever you prefer). Now, picture it with nothing more except 75 of your favorite Pokemon past and present. Do I have your attention? Now, have them fight in different environments around the Pokemon universe. And, the Master Hand is instead Mewtwo. Admit it, how awesome would that be? This is how Pokemon battling should be like, not the turn-based nonsense.


Crossover #4:
DBZ vs. Marvel/Capcom
Subject 1: Dragonball Z cast
Subject 2: Marvel
Subject 3: Capcom


+

Genre: Fighting. Fighting. Fighting.
Deadpool vs. Frieza. Ryu vs. Goku. Hulk vs. Piccolo. Iron Man vs. Vegeta. Spider-Man vs. Krillin. Chun-Li vs. Chi-Chi. Nappa vs. Zangief. Cell vs. Venom. Carnage vs. M. Bison.
There, that is all I need to say.

Crossover #5:
Wario in Jersey
Subject 1: Aqua Teen Hunger Force cast
Subject 2: Wario

+

Genre: ?????
Aqua Teen Hunger Force has not been in a decent video game, but they truly have potential. Throw in Wario in the mix, and give them a totally random series of adventures in Jersey. If there is a Nintendo character that can be forgiven for being in an “M” rated game, it would be Wario. Just those 5 interacting with each other while they battle random villains would definitely be an experience worth buying.

Crossover #6:
Marvel/Capcom vs. Disney
Subject 1: Marvel
Subject 2: Capcom
Subject 3: Disney

+

Genre: Fighting
While this isn’t as attractive as a showdown against the cast of Dragonball Z, there are indeed some Disney characters that can be in the mix. Try the cast of Kingdom Hearts, the Gargoyles, some of the folks from Tale Spin, Aladdin, Hercules, Hades, and Darkwing Duck? This idea isn’t a total disaster, eh?

Crossover #7:
Metal Gear Splinter
Subject 1: Solid Snake
Subject 2: Sam Fisher

+

Genre: Espionage/action
We have the two best stealth figures in the gaming industry teaming up together, bringing their different methods of getting the job done to tackle the same major dilemma. You can choose either/or to beat the game, or better yet, maybe even have them turn on each other. Secretly, we have been clamoring for a Snake/Sam showdown, and this game can deliver it. Let’s just cut out all the cut scenes please.

Crossover #8:
Tony Hawk’s Adventure Island
Subject 1: Tony Hawk Proskater
Subject 2: Super Adventure Island setting

+

Genre: Action Sports
If you don’t remember the Adventure Island series, let me jog your memory: they were a series of side-scrolling platform games for the NES and SNES that featured multiple weapons and the ability to ride dinosaurs and skateboards while engaging in a cool island setting. Now, make the setting much bigger, make it 3-D, and add the massive Proskater Underground-style sandbox gameplay system. Wouldn’t it be awesome riding around in a dinosaur and taking out some bad men in a village a few miles down? Wouldn’t it be awesome so skate around the island while trying to find your next destination? Lastly, how cool would it be to do some tricks in caves, mountains, jungles, and beaches? The Tony hawk games waned in popularity because the settings started becoming all too similar. A drastic change is needed. Here is your answer, a Proskater in a massive island.

Crossover #9
Zombies Ate My Halo
Subject 1: Zombies Ate My Neighbors!
Subject 2: Halo

+

Genre: Horror Action/Shooter

The whole war-against-aliens thing is becoming quite a bore. Everyone is doing it. For every Halo, you got multiple imitators. Time to change things up a bit. Now, imagine Halo gameplay but instead the setting becoming a world full of every single possible horror movie cliché known to man: spanning from massive babies to small killer clowns, to zombies popping up everywhere, to men wielding chainsaws and axes. You as Master Chief and your army have to fight off all these crazy invasions while saving people mixed up in the mess. With Zombies Ate My Halos, you have absolutely no idea what the next threat is going to be.

Crossover #10:
The Legend of Fable
Subject 1: The Legend of Zelda
Subject 2: Fable

+

Genre: Adventure/Action
Fable was supposed to kill off Zelda but it lacked one major element: personality. While Fable is a fun game to play with its impressive diversity, The Legend of Zelda is an incredible series that has superb storytelling, superb gameplay, and always a great musical score. Now, imagine adding the Fable-like gameplay mechanics to the next Zelda story. What if you don’t want to save Zelda? What if you want to become ruler and are willing to take out the good guys and the dark force at the same time? What if you are already married? With the Fable gameplay added, the storyline of Zelda can mold in different directions depending on what you decide to do in your life in the earlier years. That way, this Zelda game can never end the same, no matter how many ways you play it. There are not enough games in the world with multiple-multiple endings (Chrono Trigger anyone?), its time that Zelda changes this.

Crossover #11:
Call of Duty: Blast Corps
Subject 1: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare
Subject 2: Blast Corps

+

Genre: FPS/Blow-em-up
Blast Corps is a pure N64 classic in which all you do is blow stuff up. To make sure that a nuclear missile doesn’t detonate your goal was to create a course by destroying all sorts of obstacles in your path to allow the safe transport of nuclear stuff from Point A to Point B. Now where is that sequel? Now imagine a Modern Warfare Call of Duty in which not only do you have to move from place to place and survive, but you also get to utterly destroy the entire area for which you just passed through? Just picture it, the level starts off as a first-person shooter, and then the second part of the level becomes a third-person blow-em’-up. It is a match made in heaven: go through a rouge city in Russia, then blow it to smithereens.

Crossover #12:
F-Zero Turismo
Subject 1: F-Zero
Subject 2: Gran Turismo

+

Genre: Futuristic Racing Sim
We would be doing a gaming first over here. Imagine the speed and intensity of F-Zero with the realistic complications of the Gran Turismo games. Imagine having to run around the city trying to find the right parts to repair your vehicles after each major race. F-Zero has been a very underrated and unappreciated franchise that can rise to incredible quality heights if they add more depth to the gameplay rather than frustrating challenge. Giving each racer a deeper personality as well as giving each vehicle their “personality” per-se would make the next F-Zero the first futuristic racing simulator in gaming history. I’d love to try that.








Another classic crossover in need of being made:
Pokemon with MMORPG anything

Good night! Give me your suggestions now!

Dinner for Schmucks: 3/10

Dinner for Schmucks (2010)
Like a fancy restaurant with all style and no substance, Dinner for Schmucks has all the pieces for awesome potential, but none of them fit

Dinner for Schmucks is a very weak comedy that has trouble getting its footing from the beginning, resulting in a total tumble for the rest of the film. What surprises me the most about this movie is that the talent was most certainly there, but with a very weak script and poor pacing, the movie maintains a disappointing taste throughout the overlong 114 minutes. Paul Rudd is among the funniest out there in terms of deadpan and everyday man humor, while Steve Carell is easily one of the brightest comedy talents in Hollywood. Then we have Jay Roach, who has plenty of comedic experience with the like of Meet the Parents and Austin Powers. But despite the capability and decent resume, they all fail in delivering the laughs.

From the trailers (which were weak too), it looks like the big focus is on the dinner planned by higher-ups in a company that requires that you bring an idiot to dine with the bosses. Instead, Dinner for Schmucks is about an aspiring rising executive (Tim, played by Paul Rudd) and his complications after accidentally meeting the idiotic but unselfish and sweet IRS employee (Barry, played by Steve Carell). Their encounter together triggers a series of events that involves a psycho stalker, a unique artist, several mix-ups, and the potential ending of the relationship between the main character and his girlfriend (Stephanie Szostak). This movie is a remake of a 1998 French black comedy Le dîner de cons, and with some of the humor and subject matter, the French influence was a bit heavy.

The weakest portion of the movie is clearly the writing. The script was full of bad jokes, pointless scenes, predictability, very little payoff, and worst of all prevented the cast from adding the extra ommph needed to make this a truly enjoyable film. Surely there were some funny moments and some funny situations, but overall Rudd, Carell, and Jay Roach did not have much to work with. Even the main dinner itself had minimal time to expand or evolve into something very memorable to the likes of the infamous dinner scenes of Meet the Parents, Goodfellas, or American Beauty. The script was easily the weakest part of the movie, because the material presented just wasn't good at all.

Steve Carell and Paul Rudd are among my favorite actors in Hollywood. Their comedic timing is impeccable, with Anchorman and Role Models being the best examples. However, they had very little to work with. Paul Rudd had to play the backseat to become the middle man, with no chance of being remotely funny. With Steve Carell's character, it's even worse, because he was written so poorly. Clearly, he couldn't improvise much, but what was written down was not funny at all. They consisted of stupid lines, stupider comments, and sometimes plain garbage. The trailer definitely hid all the actual funny lines from Carell, but clearly it was because there isn't much to begin with. Even Zach Galifanakis, who is a rising force in comedy, couldn't deliver anything past a chuckle. This is one of the few cases in which the actors are not to blame; they did the best they could.

Jay Roach isn't exactly a genius, but usually does know how to maintain pace and deliver some fun little surprises here and there. With Dinner for Schmucks, there weren't any fun surprises, and the comic timing was a bit off. The softer, more heartfelt scenes were handled with much better care, especially when Barry is seen working and displaying his hobby. The dinner itself however could have been much better, and this missed opportunity really hampers the overall movie, especially after all the build-up. The film was nearly two hours long, and I can guarantee you that less than 15 minutes was dedicated to the big finale, the gigantic climax. That was supposed to be the big payoff. Compare this to the comedic classic Blazing Saddles, when the final battle becomes insanely elongated, but utterly hilarious in all its insanity and impulsiveness (if you have not seen this movie yet Netflix it immediately). Dinner for Schmucks has the makings of an insane comedy that cannot be predicted—unfortunately, doesn't deliver on the premise and the promise.

Bottom Line: Dinner for Schmucks is a tough movie to fully rip apart and garnish it with a very low rating, because of the comedic talent and obvious effort involved. But, I personally saw a stinkpile of a script totally ruining and obliterating any possible attempt at becoming the big comedy of the summer; becoming this year's Hangover or There's Something About Mary. The acting wasn't too bad, the directing wasn't a disaster, and there weren't a lot of technical annoyances. But the storyline, pacing, dialogue, lack of a heart and lack of structure destroyed the quality of this movie. In order for your comedy to succeed, there must be a bit of heart and allure attached, whether it's subtle or clearly out there. If there is someone to blame, definitely blame it on David Guion and Michael Handelman. You two, please go back to your writing classes please, you clearly did not pass. Rudd and Carell were not as charming or as funny in similar previous roles (Danny in Role Models and Brick in Anchorman respectively), and Jay Roach has definitely seen better days (Austin Powers—the original and maybe the sequel; Meet the Parents). To say you won't laugh at all is exaggerating, but there isn't a standout moment, and there most certainly isn't a reason to join this dinner a second time.

Video Games That Should Become Full-Length Movies

After having completed my second movie script based off of a video game, I gave deep thought as to what my next video game movie should be. Well, I won’t start writing it right away (not until after Big Thunder, my murder mystery aboard a cruise, and perhaps my urban remake of Psycho), but I’ll definitely be giving it some thought throughout the writing process of the other movies. I am surprised the gaming industry has not translated that well into the movie industry, since there are so many spectacular ideas, setting the potential for some incredible movies. The only video game movie that was mildly, mediocrely decent was the animated Street Fighter II movies ions ago—which even then wasn’t that special. But Hollywood, I am here to help you. I have compiled a list of movies based off of video games that should happen. To add to that, I am also going to place which director should be involved in helming the script. Here we go:

Honorable Mention:
1) Halo (Come on, how would this NOT make money?)
2) Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (Not sure if a movie based off a game that is essentially remake of every crime time movie we’ve ever seen would be such a bright idea)
3) Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (This would be cool, with the speech bubbles popping up all over the flick)



#15: Viewtiful Joe
Director: Edgar Wright
Viewtiful Joe is a franchise that never quite lifted off the ground even though it has the potential of becoming something extremely special. Maybe it was the mix of the backstabbing Capcom performed on Nintendo back in the Gamecube days and poor marketing that led to no Viewtiful Joe gameplay this generation. Nonetheless, the idea of a superhero that works his superpowers within the confides of a movie would be awesome. Imagine that, a movie inside a movie. Also imagine all the genres that can be reworked and spoofed---from science fiction to action to even the good ol’ western. Edgar Wright, whose directing credits include Hot Fuzz and the upcoming Scott Pilgrim, has shown time and time again he has the creativity to pull off multiple genres in one flick, as well as overload it with fun little details for the experienced moviegoers to enjoy.

P.S. I would cast one of the X-Games athletes for the role of Viewtiful. They have the attitude for it.




#14: Devil May Cry
Director: Guillermo Del Toro
Who better than the director of Hellboy to helm a movie based off of a game about a demon hunter that sports a nifty swords and cool weapons? Devil May Cry’s signature frenzied and intense action can definitely be re-crated for the IMAX screens with the help of Del Toro, who has a knack for filming action sequences but also drift away from CGI in favor of advanced technology in make-up design.




#13: Guitar Hero III
Director: Liam Lynch
The premise is simple: band wants to rise to the top, eventually do, have a downfall, and the climax includes a guitar duel against the devil in Hell. The opportunity to bring the best of rock music past and present into one movie would make this a new generation Blues Brothers—except with rock. This sort of collaboration amongst rock bands has never really happened, and its about time that the Gods of rock and heavy metal work together in creating the ultimate musical experience of the big screen. Guitar Hero III’s playlist was the best, and also had the best storyline. On imagine the notes flying towards you in 3-D!! Totally kidding.

P.S. Liam Lynch directed the Tenacious D movie, as well as a few music videos



#12: Kingdom Hearts
Director: John Lasseter
Lasseter, time to get off your high horse, and start directing again. While Toy Story 3 was spectacular, it still lacked the humor that was undoubtedly present in the first two. Now if you are a true Disney fan, you would bring this to the big screen, and mix in all the lovely little details about old-school Disney that only true true true fans would know about. Lasseter is the head of Disney Animation and claims to really know the business of old-school Disney. With Kingodm Hearts and its massive variety of places to visit, this would be his ultimate test. If successful, then we would all reap in the rewards.

P.S. This movie should be computer animated



#11: Perfect Dark
Director: Michael Bay
I know. I am not the biggest fan of Michael Bay, but give him a good script and he will give you a good movie. Remember The Rock? That was Michael Bay at his best, because the screenplay was phenomenal, with even the likes of Tarantino working on it. If somebody can write a great screenplay about Joanna Dark then we have ourselves a potentially awesome sci-fi epic. Re-create the great soundtrack and eerie futuristic mood of the game and we have ourselves an instant winner. Just don’t put much emphasis on the alien part of the storyline.

P.S. Emily Blunt should be Joanna Dark. Just saying.



#10: Zombies Ate My Neighbors!
Director: Sam Raimi
Now, the director of the Evil Dead franchise would be absolutely perfect for this movie. Two kids blasting away zombies with squirt guns and soda cans while saving neighbors. Then don’t forget the hundreds of horror film references in the game itself—which can be translated into the screenplay and eventual movie. Imagine all the elements of horror in film history wrapped into one spoofy cinematic experience…directed by the man behind Army of Darkness. How can you fail?

P.S. Bruce Campbell should be cast as the villian.



#9: Uncharted
Director: Steven Spielberg
Nathan Drake is video game’s Indiana Jones. Now we haven’t had a cool Indiana Jones-like hero in the movies in a very long time, so its time to bring this to the big screen as well. The original video game has a great plot, involving a hidden island, rumored treasure, and mercenaries surrounding Drake within the island. Sounds like a nice plot for a cool action-adventure flick. Who better to direct this than Spielberg, who is responsible for the greatest adventure film of all-time? If you ask which one I was referring to, I may have to scream at you. But Spielberg, please lay off the CGI.

P.S. If Spielberg casts Shia as the lead star, I will denounce all his movies from here on out. Give the role to Jeremy Renner.




#8: Bioshock
Director: James Cameron
Just keep the script away from Cameron at all costs and there’s potential for a great movie. The storyline is absolutely spellbinding, and with Cameron’s experience with sci-fi, the combination would be seamless and epic. I also chose Cameron because he isn’t afraid of spending money, and to make this movie in particular, you definitely need a lot of money. An entire crazy civilization under the sea? Yep, give the movie to Cameron. $45344 million later, we have a good movie. Who cares if Fox went bankrupt? At least we don’t have to deal with their news………….



#7: Fallout
Director: Neill Blomkamp
Futuristic post-apocalyptic plot with a 1950s touch is a very odd combination, but that’s just what Fallout is; a fantastic series of games that mesh the futuristic-like hells of war and aftermath with the style of 1950s pulp magazines and comic books and subtle Cold War symbolism. I’d give this script to Blomkamp because his District 9 is not only a mesh of genres, but also touches upon the horrors of what humans can do to each other. His attention to detail would be perfect for a film of this magnitude. Fallout is a video game that would definitely benefit from a translation to the big big screen. Fallout in IMAX? I’m sold.

P.S. A nice 50s soundtrack would be the first of its kind since Forrest Gump's link to the past in its soundtrack back in 1994.



#6: Pokemon (Live-Action version)
Director: Alfonso Curaron
The animated movies of Pokemon were 497430890903 times weaker than the anime television show. But, imagine the best Pokemon fans banding together to write a script for a live-action counterpart. Imagine a real-life Ash ordering a CGI Pikachu to fight a CGI creation of a Charizard. This combination would be extremely tough to pull off without it looking cheesy, but the rewards would be phenomenal. I picked Alfonso Curaron because of his work on the third Harry Potter and Children of Men, and nice handling of special effects and cinematography. My second pick would be Gore Verbinski, but his latest Pirates movie definitely didn’t help his status.

P.S. There better be no talking Pokemon



#5: F-Zero
Director: The Wachowski Brothers
Speed Racer proved to the world that an F-Zero movie can indeed be done. Give the Brothers a better script, remove most of the flashy and eye-blinding colors, and maintain the fast and furious pacing of their races and an F-Zero movie would be a perfect fit for the brothers. Just the plot alone is enough to sell the movie: a bounty hunter participates in a deadly but extremely popular racing sport full of corruption, greed, and unpredictability. The Brothers have proven they have the creativity to create great race scenes, let’s just have better writers handle what happens outside the grand prix.

P.S. Give the soundtrack to Nine-Inch Nails and Daft Punk



#4: Splinter Cell
Director: Paul Greengrass
With his work directing the best installment in the Bourne trilogy, this man would be perfect in throwing his handheld style to a popular game series. Imagine using the handheld camera to capture the claustrophobic feel of the Splinter Cell franchise. If Greengrass can think smaller and focus the movie purely on anticipation, suspense, and sound effects (no music at all), then we would have a superb tense thriller on our hands. Bring back Tom Clancy, have him deliver a screenplay based off of his creation, and Splinter Cell could be one of the better espionage flicks this side of James Bond.

P.S. Sam Fisher = Christian Bale? Can anyone see it?



#3: The Legend of Zelda
Director: Peter Jackson
Of all the games in this list, I would feel most sorry for the man that has to direct Zelda. The Zelda fanbase is amongst the biggest and most detailed and pickiest of the entire gaming world, so bringing Link to the big screen would not only be a gamble, but quite a risk on the movie career. To start things off, Zelda has to be a trilogy; no way it can be condensed into one film. Second off, Link can’t talk much---so try making three movies based off of a character that is silent with words, but loud in action. Finally, the Zelda mythology is quite a detailed one so you better bring you’re a-game in terms of research. In spite of all this, with the right script, if Peter Jackson directs this with the love he gave to Lord of the Rings and reduce the running time (200+ minutes is ridiculous, I don’t care who you think you are), then the Zelda trilogy would be one for the ages.

One final note: give the musical score to Koji Kondo, the best composer in the gaming world.



#2: Metal Gear Solid
Director: Hideo Kojima
Now, my biggest gripe with Metal Gear Solid 4 was its hefty use of cutscenes, which seem to utterly throw gameplay out the window. While Kojima was a co-director, it definitely looks like he wants to helm a motion picture with all the cutscenes and camera angles he uses when advancing the story. So who better to give the Metal Gear Solid movie to than the creator of the original game that started it all? Kojima is much better at telling and showing the story as compared to creating the gameplay, and I honestly think he would give a Metal Gear Solid movie the edge it needs to become successful and memorable. Let him work on the script and directing, and hand the production to Jerry Bruckheimer. Love Jerry or hate him, he did produce some outstanding movies over the years.

P.S. Battle in the Base would be the perfect opening song for this movie.



#1: Metroid
Director: ?????????
My top pick for video game movie has no director, because I have no idea who would be best for this project. Metroid is a gaming franchise that has mixed elements of sci-fi, adventure, action, and pure horror all into one heavenly concoction. The premise of one female bounty hunter against the sinister creatures of an entire planet is intriguing enough for a movie, but vague enough for any director to add his or her special touches. The director would not only have to be fantastic with special effects and make-up, but has to be incredible in pacing because Samus literally has nobody else to communicate with. Metroid is an outer space version of I Am Legend, except in the third act Samus does not and will not run into other “survivors.” Metroid would be a tough tough film to create, in terms of writing and directing, but the payoff would be better here than any other video game movie out there. You can attract the horror crowd, the sci-fi crowd, and the gaming crowd. Because if there’s one thing Nintendo fans are good at, is paying money multiple times for essentially the same experience (ZINGGGGGGGGG!!!)

P.S. I am kidding Nintendo fans, just kidding.

Vertigo: 7/10

Vertigo (1958)
Great mystery. Irritating conclusion. Wait its still going...

Usually, I don't comment much on older movies, as people are less likely to read what it is I have to say. But, this is an exception as an unemployed bitter critic goes up against a film considered amongst the best of all-time. What was a slightly panned movie at first, Vertigo eventually established itself as one of the top masterpiece films from Hitchcock and one of the greatest movies ever. Here is where the praise ends. Vertigo is two parts excellent, and one part draggy. What started out as a spellbinding mystery with few clues as to where it's going, transported into a frustrating psychological thriller that took way too long to conclude. Alfred Hitchcock is a master director, but the script revealed all its trick cards much too soon, leaving us with nothing more than an ace of spades in the third act.

Vertigo is a film that works in two layers: there are two conflicts presented. The first two acts involve the main conflict, the main mystery, and the final act involves the consequences and results of the original mystery. John Ferguson (James Stewart) develops a fear of heights after a terrible accident while chasing a suspect on the rooftops. After the accident, he agrees to snoop after the wife (Kim Novak) of an old college friend in order to occupy his time after retiring from the police force. What follows is a twisted path full of deceits, lies, murder, and surprises. And this is just two-thirds of the movie. Based off of a French novel "The Living and the Dead," Vertigo's spellbinding screenplay is written by Samuel A. Taylor.

The intrigue of this film is the sheer confusing mystery and descriptive imagery that offered light clues. It wasn't the typical mystery, as you didn't quite know who to trust and who to believe. James Stewart does a fantastic job portraying the bored ex-detective constantly trying to overcome his devastating fear. The lead female, Kim Novak, also does a great job, despite being twice as young as the male lead. Besides them, there aren't a lot of major roles, but all the supporting cast did a respectable job.

With mysteries of this magnitude, you need a master of suspense to keep the audience riveted. Alfred Hitchcock is one of the best directors of all-time, and is the main reason why Vertigo stays afloat. He times his shots perfectly; he always starts the films off with a bang, and does a great job maintaining the suspense, even long after the main flaw of the flick is revealed. My favorite trait of Hitchcock is how he paces the story well and never over-does the shots---unlike your Stanley Kubrick and his followers. His only minor flaw is his rushing towards the endings, which includes this one. Nonetheless, he expands his horizons a bit by delivering some nice animated sequences and delightful visual clues.

The griping begins here. The acting, writing, directing, music, and pacing works perfectly fine---until the third act. Mysteries run like a magical act, you should never ever reveal the secret until after the trick is performed, that is if you choose to. In the case of Vertigo however, the twist is revealed to the audience in between the second and third act, still leaving a hefty dose of story to tell. The main appeal of Vertigo is gone: the intrigue, the mystery has disappeared. The problem has been solved to a major extent, but we still are not seeing the credits. Not sure where the blame should be placed, but I'll hand it to the writer, which spilled the beans far too soon.

Films can run on multiple genres sometimes (District 9 being a recent successful example), but when the first part is mystery, it's a lot tougher to pull off a wholesome successful film. I found myself on the edge during the first hour and a half, but utterly distraught in the final half hour. The funny thing is the only thing that had to change was the trump card revelation. If they had moved the revelation just twenty minutes further, it would have helped Vertigo a whole lot. Move the revelation a bit, continue giving out clues, and the suspense would have been much thicker. But, the early reviews were correct, the last third of the flick bogged down the overall movie.

Bottom Line: Alfred Hitchcock does his best to salvage a script that turned off the smokescreen far too soon. His directing remains inches below perfection, as he directs a great acting cast, grand musical score, and clever mystery. But, once the mystery is gone, so is the quality and interest. Vertigo is a good film, but in my eyes misses the mark slightly because of the editing/writing issue I have discussed throughout this review. Despite what your usual film major and film critics say, this isn't among Hitchcock's best, and this isn't one of the best films of all-time. There are superior mysteries and surprise twists past and present. Just imagine what would have happened if the surprises of The Usual Suspects, Fight Club, and The Sixth Sense had been revealed sooner? Those movies would have been extremely different in terms of theming, pacing and quality.

Seven ideas for the next Disney theme park

Walt Disney World is one of the biggest success stories in the history of American economics. That being said, there is still much more room to grow. On a technicality, Disney can build 2-3 more theme parks in the Lake Buena Vista area. They have not built anything since 1998’s Animal Kingdom and while I strongly believe that they should improve each of the theme parks before going any further (especially Animal Kingdom), its fun to dream the impossible and dream up what would be the fifth theme park under the Disney banner in Florida. Here are my picks for what ideas should become Disney theme parks.



#7: Baseball Park
Chances: None



Imagine this, a ballpark built inside a theme park. Now, if you just want to watch the game or not spend the one-day ticket to see the game, there is an alternate entrance that you can go through prior to game time. Otherwise, if you buy the one-day ticket, not only can you walk around and enjoy the baseball scenery and baseball history, you can then just walk right into the baseball park. For days in which there is no baseball game, the baseball field can whether be used for special events, or when it is closed the price to get in the park is much cheaper. Inside this baseball theme park are dozens of smaller baseball fields, plenty of space for playing catch, MLB memorabilia all over the place, and of course ballpark cuisine.

Now, some will point out the Wide World of Sports, and my rebuttal is that the baseball field there has far too few seats for a professional baseball team, which is why the Rays no longer play there. This theme park is secretly a ploy and a way for Orlando to finally get that well-deserved baseball team, and I’d love for a ballpark to be built inside a much larger park. There is actually a park in Texas that uses this similar style, and I personally love the idea. A baseball theme park…that would be something.



#6: Halo
Chances: None


Back in my days at Epcot, me and a few co-workers dreamed up of the perfect paintball arena: a totally empty Animal Kingdom. Imagine this: Animal Kingdom with no guests, no cast members, just totally empty, with the animals. With the safari alone being bigger than the Magic Kingdom, a paintball match there would be epic to the ultimate degree. Of course, this would never be allowed by Disney, not ever. Enter the Halo theme park.

Imagine all the worlds and areas of Halo compacted into one; and then separated into multiple massive paintball arenas. While this would be a bit more restrictive, this park could run in a manner similar to Discovery Cove---higher prices, smaller space, heavy on the quality. There has never really been a paintball arena to this magnitude, but such an invention could shake up the industry for good. Imagine being able to dress up as one of the soldiers and march out there to take out other guests (and maybe even participating cast members?). I just wouldn’t expect hidden mickeys anywhere around here.



#5: Marvel
Chances: Minimal




With Disney now owning Marvel, a theme park based off of the hundreds of Marvel characters is bound to happen---as soon as Universal drops the partnership. Universal should have dropped Marvel as quickly as possible to avoid technically advertising for Disney profits, but that’s something I’ll never understand. Nonetheless, instead of just one section dedicated to Marvel, why not give them an entire theme park? You can represent all the big cities, and have all sorts of Marvel characters just running around. A Marvel park would pave the way for tons more stunt shows and live-action shows at the most unexpected moments. This would finally be the park to appeal the younger boys and teenagers. Instead of a Princess castle, you got New York City and Spider-Man looking over.



#4: South America
Chances: None




Like Australia, there is absolutely no love for South America in Epcot OR Animal Kingdom. However, the perceived notions of South America amongst the North Americans are so different from reality there has to be a park built to represent the wonderful different cultures south of the Panama Canal. With this park, you can see South American wildlife, entertainment, cuisine, and history. This would be the World Showcase sequel, except the whole park is a World Showcase-like park. Give Colombia, Brazil, Venezuela, Argentina, Chile, Uruguay, and the other South American countries a chance to finally shine in the Disney environment. All the other continents (with the exception of Australia) are represented very well in Epcot and Animal Kingdom. Its time South America rises up.





#3: Pirates of the Caribbean
Chances: Minimal



Imagine a water park the size of a theme park. Imagine the transportation consisting of pirate ships docking in different islands every so often. Imagine potentially finding Jack Sparrow, Captain Hook, Long John Silver, and even Barbosa throughout your time in the park. My dream theme park about pirates would be a mesh of water rides with massive pools with extensive and diverse seafood cuisine, with plenty of rip-roaring entertainment in the high-seas. Imagine a park where you can visit all over the Caribbean as well as Atlantis and the Bermuda Triangle. Day one I’d visit.



#2: Mushroom Kingdom
Chances: Extremely Minimal





I will not dwell into any more details about this park, since it’s an idea I’ve worked on for a couple of years on and off. Imagine the entire world of Nintendo wrapped into one theme park. The possibilities are absolutely endless, as you see princesses, heroes, villains, and a wide variety of supporting characters. You have your castles, you have your diverse worlds, and you have a nearly endless display of potential as the company continues to rise and run the gaming industry. Literally, the idea is at Disney’s feet, since Nintendo and Disney are both seen as family-friendly companies that do whatever it takes to maintain its reputation. Nintendo’s products are both consumer and family friendly. They both have well-known characters that have stood the test of time. This is a collaboration that would kill the competition in a heartbeat. Guaranteed.





#1:
Star Wars: The Theme Park

Chances: Minimal







Yes. Yes. YES! Imagine Star Wars Weekends happening every single day. Imagine the entire Star Wars universe condensed into a massive Disney theme park. Lucasarts and Disney already get along well; their Star Wars Weekends is a yearly smash-hit, and the amount of potential and referential material is quite extensive. The six Star Wars movies were not just massive worldwide hits, they also provided the entertainment industry with amazingly diverse environments, and all of them can be replicated for the enjoyment of Star Wars fans everywhere. I’d love to see Hoth, Bespin, Tatooine, Naboo, and even the Death Star re-created for us to see and visit. The thrill rides would be potentially incredible, and the character interactions would be life-changing. Stormtroopers everywhere, Darth Maul walking about and maybe even a princess or two just around the corner.

The other reason this is #1 is because this collaboration has indeed happened, just in a very small environment. Hollywood Studios and Disneyland have enjoyed success with Star Tours and all the Star Wars memorabilia. Then like I previously mentioned, there’s Star Wars Weekends, which I am shocked does not last a bit longer. Just the thought of being involved in re-created battles of Endor, the Death Star, Hoth, the second Death Star, and some of the prequel battles sends shivers down my spine. This would dethrone and absolutely blow out the Harry Potter Universal collaboration out of the water. Just no Jar-Jar Binks please.


If you have any ideas for what types of parks Disney should build, comment away!!