Disney + Marvel = ?!?!?!?!!

Boy oh boy. One wonders if Disney is aware that the economy is currently in one of the craziest recessions since the Great Depression. In case you have not heard the powerhouse news, The Walt Disney Company did a Walt Disney-esque gamble and bought Marvel Entertainment for 4 billion dollars. This news apparently comes shortly after plans for a Magic Kingdom expansion was discovered. They say there’s another expansion planned for Animal Kingdom. Then there’s the expansion for Disney’s California Adventure. So, what does this mean? Basically, Disney is relying on the money-making storm of Marvel to help cover the costs that will be approaching as the company tries to enhance at least four of their parks (Hong King Disneyland is the fourth).

So what does this mean for all of us? Well, a lot of things will happen, and a lot of potential is uncovered upon this acquisition that most could not have seen coming. After all, Disney is family entertainment and Marvel…well…doesn’t have that reputation. The mere idea that Disney now owns Spider-Man, the X-Men, the Punisher, Hulk, the Avengers, Iron Man, and thousands of other comic book characters is quite surreal. What else does this mean? Using the vast knowledge of pointless trivia and vast knowledge of here-say that I possess, I have crafted a list of results that are stemming from this crazy news story.


#1: Universal Studios is advertising Disney

No boys and girls, Disney did not buy out a section of Universal IOA. What it looks like is that Marvel had crafted an agreement with Universal to use their comic book characters. But now, Marvel is owned by Disney (with all approval passing). So, this means that IOA’s most popular ride, Hulk, is based off of a Disney-owned asset. This means that IOA’s most acclaimed ride (Spider-Man) is based off of a Disney asset. Which all in all means: Universal Studios is actually advertising for Disney, and Disney doesn’t have to pay a cent.

Isn’t payback fun? After all, Disney couldn’t get the Harry Potter rights. So they decide to stick it where it hurts, by sneaking into what Universal has and thought they could safely keep. According to Iger, talks for this acquisition started a few months ago, so this sounded like a blindside hit to Universal that none of the competitors ever saw coming. While Disney says they will respect the partnership that is obviously within the park grounds, Universal probably can’t help but feel a bit cheated, as now everyone will begin associating Marvel with…Disney.

#2: Marvel in the Parks? Not Now.

With Marvel still in Universal, if Disney were to honestly pursue a theme park based off the comic book heroes they will have to wait a very long time. And even after waiting, can a park like that truly be well-themed? While yes there are thousands of potential characters, they all have very different time periods, different themes, different settings, and different tones. So, the best that could happen is that Spider-Man, Iron Man, and others will find themselves dwelling in Hollywood Studios in the mere future signing autographs. That’s pretty much the best they can do, and that’s pretty much all we can hope for in terms of their future at theme parks. I just hope they don’t move Spider-Man The Musical to Hollywood Studios. That would be quick soul-crushing.

P.S. However, Comic Book Weekends isn’t a far-fetched idea.


#3: Viva La Comic Book Revolution

With Disney behind the wheel, we shall definitely see a major push for a comic book revival. Imagine that: a comic book based off of The Incredibles, or even the hijinks of Mickey, Goofy, and Donald. With Downtown Disney containing a lot of unused land (and also housing a Diana display that is sure to be taken down soon) will there be a massive comic book store in the mere future?


#4: Marvel video games will still suck.

Yep.


#5: Pixar and Marvel. The possibilities…….

Pixar and Marvel used to talk a little when the only movie studio with a flawless success record was fighting with Eisner (who does that?) and the company was threatening to move on. Now they are united and on the same team. What does this mean? Prepare yourself: Pixar versions of Marvel superheroes. That would be utterly incredible. Great comic book characters getting the Pixar treatment under the Disney budget. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. And for the doubtful, remember that Pixar has had a hand in creating one of the better superhero movies of all-time: The Incredibles.


Bottom Line: Disney and Marvel is a bizarre paring, but one that makes sense nonetheless. With Marvel and Pixar in the same team, the potential for amazing films increases even more within the Disney realm. As long as Disney does the Pixar treatment (Deliver the budget, leave them alone) then there is no reason for any of the fanboys to really panic. Disney's focus is on grabbing the tween boys market, an area they don't have much success in (on the other hand, they have alll the ladies ages 6-19). Their focus is television, after all, Sony owns Spider-Man movies, X-Men films belongs to 20th Century Fox, and even Fantastic 4 has gone elsewhere.

Disney isn't focusing on making movies, but instead making money from these movies. Its a simple and extremely effective strategy that is sure to make stockholders happy.

As for Universal. You better come up with a backup plan right about now. You guys are in a heap of trouble.

Cinematic Perfection Vol. 5

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This critic has seen more than 600 films. The fact of that matter is I am a very harsh critic, and one that does not give high marks very often, especially recently. Nonetheless, there are movies in which received the highest honor from me. Yes, perfect scores coming from me do exist, and I am every so often throwing reviews of movies that I absolutely loved and adored to prove to you that yes I can enjoy movies just as much as hate them. These are in no order, they are all equally amazing movies that should be viewed by everybody---at least once
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Do The Hustle! Kung Fu Hustle is entertainment heaven for those who want pointless amusement, 6 August 2005

Author: diac228 (diac1987@netscape.net) from Orlando, Florida
Are you bored? Do you live a boring life? Do you want something different in your life? I recommend this: go to the movies. Oh, don't fret, I know that lately the movies have been nothing more than a lot of disappointments, mind numbing horror flicks, and romantic comedies starring grade A actors. Of course if you live a boring life, that means you do not have that significant other as of now. Don't fret. Watch Kung Fu Hustle. Yes, I know, it looks totally weird, different, and stupid. But there is one sure thing; this is one of the most entertaining movies in a very long time. You do not need to actually think much, but just sit there and be blown away by the visuals, laugh your butt off at the physical comedy, admire the jaw-dropping fight scenes, and also get teary-eyed at the sentimental scenes. Kung Fu Hustle is 95 minutes of fast-paced in-your-face action that leaves you with a smile on your face throughout the entire film.

From the first scene to the last, you will be seeing things that you do not see in regular films. For starters the beginning of the movie features a dance sequence involving a gang of professionally dressed axe-carrying assassins. Kung Fu Hustle is about a wannabe gangster trying to join the "Axe Gang," while the Axe Gang is having trouble with the strong citizens of a certain deserted area outside the city. Throughout the film you see the main character try whatever to join the gang, and you will see the gang go to extraordinary lengths to teach the landlady and the landlady's husband a lesson. What makes this movie so great is that the movie combines good old-school kung fu action with excellent visual and special effects, and also a few action and chase sequences that look like they were ripped off of old Warner Brothers cartoons. The plot is very simple and easy to follow, but it will be all the chaos that will lure you into the film.

Fighting. More fighting. Countless fighting. It is all there. Whether it is one man against an entire gang, a few citizens against blind assassins wielding a deadly musical instrument, an insane man against a powerful couple, a very loud lady against her husband, or an old-fashioned brawl amongst the citizens just for the sake of fighting, Kung Fu Hustle will deliver so much action, it parallels the action-packed Kill Bill (Volumes 1 AND 2). And then there are the Looney Tunes-style scenes. The visuals shine during these scenes, especially the chase between the landlady and the main character (Sing, played by the director/writer of the film, Stephen Chow). Mostly the cartoonish action is for humorous moments, but at other times the style of fighting also became serious, at one point it even resembled Dragonball Z, the infamous anime that stretched a plot to incredible lengths (20+ episodes it took just to show one fight).

With most good all-around films, you also get your sentimental moments as well. With this film, there is this sad scene with Sing and his bitter past and how it shapes up his personality. There are other moments but I'd rather not spoil them for you. The acting is not the world's greatest, but like most action-packed films, it is not necessary as long as there is enough going on to keep you on your feet. There is a lot of slapstick and physical humor that makes up for the lack of jokes involving dialogue; so if you are the kind that does not laugh at a typical businessman beating down two wanna-be assassins or a guy throwing a knife at a woman, only to have it bounce back and stab him, then you are not going to find this movie as funny as other people would.

Bottom Line: One of the best films in a very long time. Very well directed, plenty of effort was put into this, and it pays off. Plenty of action, comedy, and also with a dab of good music and drama fills the bill as the 95 minutes watching this is much better than just watching the typical two-hour movie. I had a lot of fun watching this, reminds me of the old days when I would watch cartoons that have no plot whatsoever but did not matter because they were just fun to watch over and over again. Surely this film will not get the box office success that it deserves, because it is too goofy for people, and some teenagers (and adults) will fear that their ego will be tainted if they are caught watching this. Come on everyone, watch this foreign masterpiece and do the hustle!
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Afterthought: I printed this review (despite it being years old) because this was written much before I actually joined Facebook, and also because I just saw it a few moments ago. The score still stands as 10/10, as it achieves perfection in to what its trying to accomplish: shameless, fun, crazy entertainment that doesn't slow down a second (except to try to deliver tears). Unlike the other entries, fewer people will agree that this movie is really 10/10 worthy. I don't care, its a 10/10, whether you like it or not.

Afterthought (2): I mentioned that Legend of Drunken Master is the greatest martial arts movie of all-time, even though it got a lower score than another martial arts movie---which is this one. My opinion stands, but Kung Fu Hustle is much more a comedy and an ode to old-school kung fu, old-school kung fu pulp novels, and cartoons rather than being a full-blood kung fu flick.

Cinematic Perfection Vol. 4

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This critic has seen more than 600 films. The fact of that matter is I am a very harsh critic, and one that does not give high marks very often, especially recently. Nonetheless, there are movies in which received the highest honor from me. Yes, perfect scores coming from me do exist, and I am every so often throwing reviews of movies that I absolutely loved and adored to prove to you that yes I can enjoy movies just as much as hate them. These are in no order, they are all equally amazing movies that should be viewed by everybody---at least once
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Star Wars (1977)

The original Hollywood blockbuster. The original blockbuster masterpiece., 26 August 2009

You know this film. You know the characters. You know the music. Why is a review even being written? Star Wars: A New Hope revolutionized and forever changed the game for American cinema back in 1977, and stands tall today as one of the greatest films of all-time. Back in 1977, there was absolutely nothing quite like it: the blend of epic music, incredible sets, spectacular ahead-of-its-time special effects, superb action sequences, and an overall complete package of film-making that before and since has rarely ever been met. You are immersed in a totally different world in a totally different time period, and thanks to George Lucas and the talented staff behind him that obviously gave their all in this movie, Star Wars is one of the 15 best movies you'll ever see guaranteed. For the first time in history, you really felt like you were in an alternate universe in space (Hush 2001: A Space Odyssey fans, Star Wars didn't separate its audience from the subject with ridiculously sublime yet frustrating subtle imagery that never quite explained what was going on).

Based loosely off of The Hidden Fortress (A Akira Kurosawa film) and the Hero's Journey outline of Joseph Campbell, Star Wars follows a simple farmboy (Mark Hamill) rising to become a major threat to a rising evil led by the sinister and heartless Darth Vader (Voiced by James Earl Jones). Along the way, he meets the self-centered yet reliable Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and a feisty Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher). Basically, Luke's tale is a hero's journey, copying the same timeline that Campbell laid out for all writers to imitate. Written by George Lucas, it was a script that at the time was presumed to be impossible to imitate because of its lush settings, amount of visual effects needed, and of course, the mammoth sets required (See: Death Star).

Luckily for all of us, they delivered. The biggest part of the movie (and the franchise) is how the special effects not only enhanced a scene and brought it to life, but also blended with the actors, actresses, and sets. The special effects were achieved in a variety of ways; whether it is small models (extensively used for the final battle), tricks with lighting, and motion control photography. Industrial Light and Magic, one of the top special effects studios in history, got its mammoth start here. Of course, you need good acting to bring the effects to life, and our main cast does a decent job even when the dialogue is less than satisfactory. Alec Guinness gives the best performance however as Luke's mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi. Last but not least, let's praise David Prowse as the intimidating, powerful, and downright scary Darth Vader. Just imagine having him as your boss.

How many other ways can I praise this movie? John Williams gives us the musical score of a lifetime as he combines soft, lighthearted music, with bizarre tunes (like the one in Cantina) and epic tracks that resemble (and outperform) the best of 18th century classical music like late Beethoven and Tchaikovsky. George Lucas, despite his modern-day reputation, established himself as one of the better directors of the 70s with a combination of epic shots with ever-growing tension and mammoth cinematography. While he didn't take the director's seat in the two accompanying sequels, A New Hope displayed his absolute love towards his creation.

Bottom Line: So where would we rank Star Wars among the best? We have the acting, the talent, the special effects, the music, the sets, the pacing, the tension, the action, the costume design, and even the puppet work as among the best you'll ever see—especially considering the year it was made. Lucas created an entirely new world for everyone to see, and delivered it with amazing craftsmanship, precision, and detail. The techniques of Star Wars has been copied and mimicked ever since. Surely The Empire Strikes Back would practically perfect any insignificant shortcoming this film had to offer, but A New Hope was the beacon for blockbuster cinema. No longer were the movies establishing this higher-class reputation; Star Wars bucked a trend of huge Hollywood blockbusters with full intention of blowing you away quality-wise by any means necessary.

The Annie Halls, Godfathers, Space Odysseys (your pretentious films full of dialogue, symbolism, and feeeeeeeeelings…) were now put aside because of your Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Aliens, Terminators, and eventually, your Pirates of the Caribbeans. I rank Star Wars as one of the 15 greatest movies of all-time simply because of its effect on cinema, usage of special effects, and execution of a hero's journey and execution of the handing of a villain. Name a villain that was even close as scary or intimidating as Darth Vader. Now name a movie that has a bigger effect on blockbuster cinema than Star Wars. Can't name one? That's because (aside from Raiders of the Lost Ark) there honesty isn't one. If you haven't seen this movie, it's because you are simply trying to avoid it. If you hate this movie, it's simply because you are trying to hate it. If giving Star Wars a 10 is morally, spiritually, and emotionally wrong, then I shall never want to be right.

May the force be with you.

Rating Tarantino's Previous Work

Quentin Tarantino has a new movie out today. He is one of the more acclaimed directors in the history of Hollywood, and he has released only 6 movies prior to today. So now, as a short segment dedication to him, I shall rate every movie he has directed.




Reservoir Dogs:
10/10
His first movie remains one of the better movies within the last 20 years. Every line of dialogue is important after the opening sequence, as multiple robbers try to figure out who is the cop after a botched robbery attempt. An incredible blend of excellent acting, superb writing, nail-biting suspense, dark humor, and good music, Reservoir Dogs is a must-see for anyone that likes movies.



Pulp Fiction
10/10
I do not have a list of the best movies ever. I do not have a favorite movie. I just have a list of movies that I have graded perfect scores. However, if I was ever forced to write such a list of what I think is the greatest films since “The Great Train Robbery,” I am positive that Pulp Fiction will be within the top 25. Pulp Fiction forever changes filmmaking with its slick dialogue, clever pacing and editing, wonderful surprises, excellent assortment of characters, and the ability to reveal something different every time you see the film. Pulp Fiction started a massive wave on indie films that would hit in the latter part of the 90s, and would also make movies “cool” all over again. The soundtrack re-introduced the country to surf rock, and multiple careers started and re-started thanks to this instant classic. I recommend this movie to the absolute highest degree, as very few films can mix comedy, drama, suspense, action, romance, and pop culture nostalgia quite like Pulp Fiction.

Jackie Brown:
Never saw this one. Oops.



Kill Bill Vol. 1
7/10
The first Tarantino movie I didn’t uber-love. After appearances in other movies and television shows, he throws us a tale full of vengeance, blood, and motherly passion. This movie has plenty of action, plenty of whimsical moments, but overall just is a little bit uneven and the final act drags a bit before getting to the bloody showdown. The bloody showdown in the end however definitely saves the film and prevents it from being too mediocre. The ending was a nice surprise too.



Kill Bill Vol. 2
10/10
Most people like the first one better than the second one. However, I found that the second movie was much, much stronger than the first. The spaghetti western feel of the sequel made way for better pacing, editing, directing, acting, and better action (The fight between the Bride and Elle Driver is one of the best in the last decade). Then when the Bride finally meets Bill, it sets off some of the most fantastic dialogue, tension, and suspense I’ve ever seen. Tarantino proves that he loves movies more than he loves anything else in the world with Kill Bill Vol. 2: the intricate details, the detailed wording, the infinite references, and the ability to craft a clever shot. Tarantino may not have the extensive resume of a fantastic director, but his small repertoire of films has so many amazing moments, you can’t help but wonder just what goes on in his head while coming up with these ideas.



Death Proof
7/10
Sometimes, dialogue can break a film, if it isn’t interesting enough. Pulp Fiction’s random dialogue was both clever and entertaining. Kill Bill’s dialogue introduced us to the characters, their motives, and further dissected their personalities. Death Proof’s dialogue in the beginning wasn’t as interesting or as fun as the second half of the movie—where all the fun is contained. The first cast of characters, I didn’t really care for their fates. The second group though was much more exciting and livelier. Then there’s the epic final chase that contained no special effects shots; just pure adrenaline, awesome stunts, and an amazing finale. Skip the first half, and enjoy the second half.

Bottom Line: Tarantino seems to take his time with his ideas and films (He spent 8 years with his latest work) but the payoff for the most part is always spectacular. He isn’t like Robert Rodriguez or Steven Spielberg and attempt multiple ideas, resulting in some flops or miscues; he takes his sweet time to perfect his craft and his storytelling. Kill Bill Vol. 2, Pulp Fiction, and Reservoir Dogs prove this. I can’t wait to see Inglourious Basterds

A Letter to the Vikings

Dear Vikings,

Thanks for making my football picks that much easier. I now have one less team to consider in terms of whether or not they can make the Super Bowl, let alone, the playoffs. As a matter of fact, if you even win more than 6 games, I will be presently surprised. Instead of developing a stronger defensive line, you decided to fork over a lovely amount of 10 million to a man with more grey hairs than an experienced politician. Instead of trying to recruit young players to develop into a more formidable opponent like your rivals the Chicago Bears. You were 10-6 last year, why on earth did you have to do such a drastic change?

Now the leader of your team is an overrated quarterback whose best years were last decade. Your leader has thrown more interceptions than any other quarterback in the history of the NFL. Your leader started his career when Big Ben, the quarterback who won it all last year, was just 9 years old (For more hilarity, Tom Brady was 14, and Payton Manning was 15). Your leader can’t make up is mind, is arrogant, attention-hungry, greedy, a traitor, a deceiver, a team-killer, and should have retired years upon years ago. Instead of him carrying his attention-grabbing ways elsewhere, you bought the bait and now you find yourself in a hole. Be happy you are not in the AFC East, NFC East, or the NFC South. Otherwise, you would have looked more like the 2008 Detroit Lions record-wise.

Vikings, I just wanted to tell you---your organization is run by a delightful assortment of idiots. These people have let the team down, let down the fans, and let down the entire state of Minnesota.

Better luck next year.

P.S.
Brett Farve in 2008: 22 touchdowns, 22 interceptions

P.P.S.
Brett Farve in the last 5 games of 2008: 8 interceptions, 2 touchdowns

A Critic Drives Three Hours to a Burger Place....

(Not Me)


August hasn’t exactly been my month. Whether its crappy movies, crazy revelations, lack of hours, lack of money, failure to make competent decisions, having difficulty catching a break, or seeing my Rays remaining in the third place column in the AL East, August is kicking my arse. I needed something to lighten the spirits. I needed some way to change things, to finally have something move in my favor. Enter Le Tub.




Le Tub is a location in Hollywood, Florida, a small yet friendly town full of old-school Floridians, lost tourists, beach bums, and birds that can strike fear into the hearts of children. The area itself has over 141,000 people so while the area is small; the amount of people is a decent number. At the edge of the city lie a lovely beach and a boardwalk full of restaurants and shops. Le Tub itself is a very hidden location, its parking lot can only fit a measly 7-8 cars. I’ve studied and researched this place for about a year, and this place is about as old-school as you can get: no kids after 8:00, the place doesn’t open until noon, they only accept cash, you serve your own water if that’s all you are drinking (there are water coolers everywhere), and the place doesn’t close until 4 in the morning. Last but not least, waiting up to 90 minutes for your cheeseburger just may happen on a busy day---the cheeseburger itself takes 20-30 minutes to cook and prepare.

Now the question is, why travel these three hours in order to try this $10-$15 burger? Very simple: the acclaim. Le Tub has been voted best burger joint my multiple multiple magazines, newspapers, and blogs around the country. The place skyrocketed into fame after an appearance in the Oprah Winfrey Show (which can make even buttons a hot-seller if they wanted to) and an appearance on the top of GQ Magazine. The GQ Magazine was the important one, because it was written by a man who spent years traveling the country and went to over 100 burger places to perform his list. So why not attempt a burger that has received so much fame?



The drive itself to Hollywood wasn’t too bad; it’s actually quite easy to find the city. A turnpike here, and two interstate merges later, Hollywood welcomes you to its clean houses, unnecessary roundabouts, and streets that seem to lack gas stations (head over there and you’ll see what I am talking about). Once hitting Ocean Drive though, you must pay attention otherwise you’ll totally skip the entire restaurant without even noticing. After passing by it once (and almost twice), failing to find parking (the bars and eateries around Le Tub hate the burger joint, simply because its sucking away at the business of the surrounding areas), and then having to head to the beach to park (lovely beach by the way), I have finally reached my destination. The only thing in my stomach was banana milk; my partner in crime Brittany had only mints in hers.


The place is wildly decorated. There are toilets everywhere, wooden benches, chairs, and tables all over the place, plants blending in with the building, and birds of all shapes and sizes roaming out and about. At the end of the restaurant is a beautiful-looking lake with huge, viscous fishes that eat anything that falls in the water (except for lettuce, go figure). For more hilarity and old-school flavor, there are hand-made signs everywhere. Even the menus are hand-drawn. The menu doesn’t make the burger stand out amongst the other items; each item is treated equally—even when 85% of the people visiting are there for only one reason.



I order the burger of course, medium well. Brittany does the same thing. Medium well. We order fries as well. Brittany and I enjoy the scenery and the friendly environment of the location while we waited. The service isn’t very formal, but still full of smiles, information, and conversations about food, the town, and the celebrities that visit (Payton Manning, Dennis Rodman). 20 minutes later, the burgers arrive. They are massive-looking 13-oz burgers with onions, lettuce, and tomatoes on the side. The buns themselves look helpless as they try to cling on to the burger. It was like watching a small man attempt to carry a 500-pound woman from the car to the front door of a house. I waited about a year for this moment. I take a bite.































Oh.





































My.




























































God.

The cheeseburger was the most amazing thing I have ever tasted. My taste buds started dancing. My eyes were watering up in sheer joy, excitement, and amazement. Here I am, living 5 minutes away from at least 7 five-star restaurants and not one of them could ever satisfy my taste buds the way this cheeseburger just did. Every single happy song started playing in my head as I continue tackling this piece of Gody art (Happy Together, My Girl, Beautiful Day, Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Don’t Stop Me Now, Sex and Candy, Crush, Crazy…). The comments were piling up:

“I want to cry now”
“I love you”
“Where has this been all my life?”
“God created this on the 7th day”
“If there was a better burger, God would probably keep it for Himself”
“So this is what spiritual nirvana tastes like”
“I am so sad because I am almost finished”
“I don’t want this to be over”
“My problems have suddenly disappeared”
“Worries? What worries?”
“Can we move here?”
“Can we work here? We’ll work for food”
“Do I have to work tomorrow?”

There were probably more, but we were both so infatuated by what we were eating, we quickly forgot what was said. The world slowed down, just a little, during this lunch. Now I know a good portion of you will argue that hunger played a role in the burger tasting so well. My response: hush, hunger had nothing to do with the flavor that explodes every time you take a bite. Heh, I have not even mentioned the fries. The French fries were amazingly done as well. The food was inches away from perfection—the only way to top this meal was is if the food was all free. Other than that, there was nothing wrong with this burger.

How on earth could a small burger place in a small town outperform any cheeseburger a five-star restaurant could muster? The burger cut itself was different, it was not extremely big but was extremely thick. Somehow, someway, they managed to preserve every ounce of potential flavor for the meat from first bite to last.

I was finished, and I was a mesh of happy and sad. Happy because one of my stupid dreams was fulfilled and was everything I had dreamed about. Sad because the meal was over and it was time to move on. Or was it?

The server (who is usually bartender but the place experienced a lot of call-ins) asked us if we wanted more. This was the fatal question. We asked for one more burger. Yes boys and girls, I am about to consume over a pound of burger meat, 26 ounces in all. Another 15 minutes later, the second round arrives. But honestly, how could they possibly top the first burg-






Oh.
















































My.










































God…………

























How…how?!?!?!?!?

The second burger was even better than the first, and I don’t even know how that was possible. Mine was well-done instead of medium-well, and my goodness I could barely stand while fighting the second hunk of meat. Brittany herself was staring at her plate in amazement, and also in disappointment because she knew she had a long fight ahead of her. Both of us took a bit longer consuming the second burger because we were so full from the first one. By the time we finished, our food was pretty much up to the lungs in backup. Our stomachs were working massive overtime to digest Heaven.

Our server then hands us key lime pie because he found out just how far I traveled to eat a burger. But, I couldn’t fit another bite, how was I going to eat dessert? But hey, it was free. Nonetheless, there’s no way that I could fit another bit-







Oh.


































My… Never mind, you know what else I am going to say.

The key lime pie has also gotten more acclaim than a U2 song in the Grammys. And just like the burger, its reputation was earned with good reason. Me and Brittany had never felt such loving pain. After the dessert, we were stuck in our seats. Our server sat and talked to us while me and Brittany mentally recovered from what was easily one of the best (if not the best) lunches in the history of mankind. The record is a lovely 6 cheeseburgers consumed in one sitting, and it was set by a Detroit Lion (ironically, after their perfect season of losing). He also mentioned another guy who had three cheeseburgers, several beers, multiple margaritas, and other drinks in one sitting and was able to leave without “sharing what he had eaten with the floor.”

We paid, left a lovely tip, and slowly walked to the beach. The trip to the beach was tougher than performing the ballet Swan Lake with a hippo attached to your back and a fireball consuming your feet. After claiming our spot (by crafting a crater with our sudden shift in weight) we sat there, pondering how such mastery can be served in such a small venture. Perhaps some things are better left unexplained and instead enjoyed. Nonetheless, it was one hell of a lunch and one hell of an afternoon. It was worth the tolls, the three-hour drive, and the semi-hefty bill that awaited us at the end of the dance with consumer perfection.

Burger King. McDonalds. Wendys. TGI Fridays. Five Guys. Checkers. Fuddruckers. Maybe even Margaritaville (Sorry Mollie). They all have one thing in common; there’s a good chance they won’t be giving me a burger. My next burger will be back in Le Tub, because now the expectations of a good burger have been raised into the stratosphere. My fingers still have the smells of Le Tub, and it’s been over 8 hours since the visit (and yes you disgusting people, I have indeed washed my hands since the lunch).

Bottom Line: Le Tub is a must-visit eatery full of amazing scenery, amazing atmosphere, amazing food, and amazing fishes that consume burgers, tomatoes, bread, and even onions. At least once, treat yourself to this place, at least once. It’s along the way to Miami Beach, so it’s not like you are drifting away towards No Man’s Land. Le Tub is a place rapidly rising in popularity and with good reason, even if the restaurant looks like it can’t really expand upon what territory it already has. Their cheeseburger is definitely to die for, and then there are the fries, dessert, and bar that will remain open until 4 in the morning every single evening.

Best cheeseburger I’ve ever had. My next cheeseburger will be here, even if it might take months.

Trust me, I’m a critic.



Information:
http://www.theletub.com/

1100 N. Ocean Drive
Hollywood, Florida 33019
954-921-9425

The Time Traveler's Wife: 2/10

There's random time traveling throughout the movie and the darn thing is still as predictable as a New York Knicks basketball season, 16 August 2009

Every so often there comes a movie so stupid, so revoltingly idiotic, so painfully dull, it pretty much affects your I.Q. in the process. Enter The Time Traveler's Wife. This movie is a confusingly awful storyline full of stupid characters making stupid decisions while not stupidly changing or developing their personality and then stupidly torturing the lives of other people in the process. If it isn't the lack of chemistry that hampers the movie, it's definitely the characters themselves. If that's not enough, then we can try all the inconceivable time traveling nonsense that doesn't quite connect with the rest of the story. Last but not least, if none of that fazes you, then we can include the pitiful ending, the terrible directing, mediocre musical score, or the writing that's about as lost as a blind drunk man inside a mirror maze.

The Time Traveler's Wife is based off of an Audrey Niffenegger novel that follows a couple whose relationship is repeatedly put to the test because of Henry's (Eric Bana) innate ability to travel through time at random moments or whenever he is under stress. His constant time traveling affects their chemistry, their friends, their family, and also eventually their chances of having children. Of course, for the critical, why would only Henry have the ability to travel through time in his family? If it's based off of genetics, surely someone else in the family could do it. Oh wait; this is me thinking too critically of a movie that fails to answer all the questions.

Bruce Joel Rubin is the man responsible for the screenplay. The novel is definitely a tough pill to swallow and a bit difficult to translate, that I shall admit. But, there's no need to maintain all the stupidity from the novel and also suck away at the chemistry. Also, whenever a movie about unexpected and random time travel becomes predictable, we have a serious problem on our hands. The editing team didn't help, and neither did the director Robert Schwentke. Eric Bana and the lovely Rachel MacAdams did the best they could, but the chemistry just wasn't there---especially when compared to other MacAdams movies like The Notebook and even Wedding Crashers.

Time traveling is an extremely tough concept, because whenever you look hard enough into it, there will always be flaws in the script. The only exceptions to the inconsistencies are when time traveling isn't a major major part of the script, instead serving more as a plot detour (See: Meet the Robinsons, Austin Powers). Back to the Future and eventually the television show Lost worked the idea perfectly because they established the ground rules and maintained them. The Time Traveler's Wife on the other hand, is about as consistent as a broken metronome. Rules are broken, bent, twisted, torn, and would ultimately be avoided as the third act approaches. In the first act, it is established that no matter how hard you try, you can't change the future. Then in the second act, our main character manages to alter the future after dwelling into the past.

Then adding to the pain is the stupidity of our characters. If you know what causes your time travels most of the time, why does it take an act and a half to finally try to do something about it? If you know your eventual fate, why not prepare better for it? If you know something bad is going to happen, why save the bad news for a birthday party? And for God's sakes, why do you complain that the man is never home when you knew that he time travels at random moments!!?!?!!? It's basically like complaining that doughnuts have far too much fat while you are chomping down on your twelfth Krispy Kreme.

Bottom Line: Stupider than the log that's rotting outside my apartment, The Time Traveler's Wife is an utterly lifeless and pathetic love story that's chock full of predictability, incoherent story lines, and an inability to make me care five minutes into the schlock. Sci-fi and romance can be perfectly woven together with proper pacing, care, and attention to detail (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). However, the beginning of the movie starts predictably, and then enters 25 minutes of confusing the viewer, and by the time the romance gets going and the drama kicks in, you'll stop caring.

I have no idea how the novel is. If the movie was accurate, then we have nothing to blame except the writer of the book and the movie bosses that decided to greenlight this trash. If done inaccurately, then we have the director and writer to blame for taking the novel into a whole new level of lame. Either way, this movie doesn't tug at the heartstrings like decent romantic dramas, and does not intrigue in any way like decent sci-fi films. Just avoid it, the movie sucks, and there's so much better out there and so many other superior ways to waste 107 minutes of your life.

Extra Note: This is for those who didn't get the opening reference:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_Knicks_seasons

In Memory of John Hughes

Unfortunately, a wonderful writer has passed away far too young in New York. John Hughes, one of the biggest writing/directing forces in the 1980s, has died recently, leaving behind a career that was at its peak in the 80s before totally dying away in the 90s. But during his successful days as a writer and director, he crafted some of the better high school movies in the history of filmmaking. He also delivered one of the biggest box office success stories of all time by writing Home Alone; a now-Christmas staple. While we look back at his career, we will count down his absolute best work, the top movies from him that every individual should see at least once.


#7: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
Written by John

Back when Chevy Chase was funny (yes, this used to happen) he starred in the second sequel in the National Lampoon series. Unlike most third installments, this one almost tops the original and surpasses the second installment in many many ways. With a crisp blend of hilarious moments and a few touching moments, Christmas Vacation is one of three holiday staples from John Hughes. Easily the best moments include the Christmas lights failing to work and Chase’s memorable rant about his boss.


#6: Sixteen Candles
Written and Directed by John

While this wasn’t as successful as his later work, it was the beginning of a new wave of high school films and different form of high school storytelling. The movie was raw, edgy, angry, and hit all the right notes for teenagers everywhere. Molly Ringwald becomes a household name, and Anthony Michael Hall begins his career of a lovable nerd that spans seemingly forever. Excellent dialogue, wonderful humor, and a lovely dosage of heart in the third act makes this an 80s classic.


#5: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Written and Directed by John

Easily one of the coolest high school films you’ll ever see, Ferris skips school and spends a perfect day with his best friend and girlfriend—while seeing pretty much every aspect of his plan work perfectly. This film oozes character, as there’s a lot of hilarious running gags, funny one-liners, quirky moments, and coming-of-age catharsis. Backed by a nasty villain in the form of a determined principal and a killer 80s soundtrack, this movie is one of the best high school films of all-time. We all wish we could be as lucky and quick-minded as Ferris.


#4: Home Alone
Written by John

So the movie doesn’t exactly hold the same critical appeal as previous entries on this list. Nonetheless, it jump-started an entire wave of movies about little kids (and sometimes animals) overcoming odds to defeat the taller, older, but more dim-witted adults. Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern were perfectly cast as villains, and Culkin became a pop culture phenomenon with this flick. Earning over 500 million at the box office, we have John Hughes and his then-original script that perfectly blends humor and the warm Christmas spirit. And the soundtrack, my goodness, they nabbed every good Christmas song in existence.


#3: National Lampoon’s Vacation
Written by John

Whether it’s the silly hero’s journey for a perfect vacation, the lovable yet obvious jabs at Disney World, or the sheer amount of absurd situations thrown in the mix, National Lampoon’s Vacation is one of the funniest movies of all-time and Chevy Chase at his absolute best. While it was well-acted and well-directed, we definitely should give Hughes credit for writing a fantastic story with a lack of predictability and no remorse for the viewer. That poor dog.


#2: The Breakfast Club
Written and Directed by John

The greatest high school movie of all-time. Best movie of all-time, best comedy of all-time, best drama of all-time---these have all been much disputed (and still disputable) categories that draw up dozens of different answers. However, with the best in high school angst, comedy, and character development, Breakfast Club shines above them all in every way possible. Unlike most high school movies, this one stands true today and ages like fine wine. The directing, the acting, the music, the writing is Hughes at his absolute best in the high school genre, and it would take years before he made anything even close as good as this instant classic.



#1: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles


Written and Directed by John

This is easily the best Thanksgiving movie of all-time and one of the best holiday movies ever. While Home Alone and Christmas Vacation are more well-known to the mainstream, Planes Trains, and Automobiles is the one holiday staple that contains more heart and humor than the average holiday fare. John Candy and Steve Martin were at their best here; comedic-wise and dramatic-wise. The ending is spectacular and the build-up leading to the eye-watering final five minutes is full of classic material as well. While Hughes bounced back from other movies in this list; he was never able to duplicate the incredible magic of this film. After reaching the quality peak here, it was all downhill; even if Home Alone and Beethoven were successful in the 90s. If there is only one movie you are allowed to see from Hughes, this is the one that will feed the soul and tickle the funnybones best.


So there you have it, the best from the recently-deceased John Hughes. Rest In Peace Mr. Hughes, you have given the world a wonderful assortment of work, and dozens of memories that will never leave us.

Wii Sports Resort: 8/10

The Evolution of an Addicting Tech Demo

The Nintendo Wii’s success can be traced back to the fact that its small low-budget yet addicting games opened the doors for all sorts of new gamers that want something different, away from the norm. Wii Sports is now the best-selling video game of all-time because of its mix of simplicity, fun, and interactivity. The game is nowhere near as deep as any majorly successful game of this decade, but did indeed appeal to a much wider audience. I myself did enjoy Wii Sports, even if it was a glorified tech demo. Wii Bowling, Wii Tennis and Wii Boxing (whle the latter was extremely frustrating) were the three sections of the game I found myself playing the most.

Wii Sports Resort follows the same safe formula and doesn’t drift too far from what made the Wii so accessible in the first place. The rather disappointed reviews from critics have been flying everywhere but here I am with the truth: it’s simplistically amazing. Wii Sports Resort is a delightful expansion from the original with dozens of different activities to engage in. Then with most being multiplayer and easy to learn, the game is perfect for families across the planet. With the right amount of hype, we have ourselves potentially the next major Wii smash hit.

Wii Sports Resort takes place in Wuhu Island, a place first introduced in Wii Fit. In Wuhu Island, you can play all sorts of sports and different activities; ranging from basketball to table tennis to archery to even wakeboarding. Drifting from normal activities of real-life, you can engage in sword fights against other people (and even groups of people) and even fly a small airplane around the island. Overall, there are a dozen activities to do, and some of these activities themselves branch off into multiple options.

First things first, let’s moan about the graphics, since its all the major gamers do. Nintendo as a company had amazing-looking games in the Gamecube but despite the artistic and technical achievements (See: F-Zero GX, Mario Sunshine, Wind Waker, Metroid Prime) they didn’t deliver the sales they got used to seeing. Now, the focus is away from the graphics, and much more towards the gameplay. With that said, Wii Sports Resort isn’t the best-looking game out there, not even on the Wii. But, it does improve definitely on the original, and does have some shining moments of polish. Flying over the island was a nice experience, and the water physics in the wakeboarding activities remain among the best since the revolutionary Waverace 64 back in 1996.

The new Wii Motion Plus control enhancement definitely improves upon the playcontrol of the Wii itself. You can tell as you fail miserably in Wii Bowling (or we could be using me as an example). Swordfighting would not have been nearly as fun if it weren’t for the added mechanism. While the game does not achieve full 100% motion-control, we are definitely one step closer. One would ponder how the Metroid Prime trilogy, Red Steel 2, and eventual upcoming Zelda title will improve with the new feature coming in with every purchase of a Wii Sports Resort game.

Like previously stated, asking for deep gameplay here is a bit much. Why complicate things when the audience wants simple yet fun activities that are clean and wholesome for the entire family. You want deep and complex games? Play Smash Brothers Brawl. The game is about as shallow as a kiddie pool, but don’t let that discourage you. I personally had a blast swordfighting, flying over the island (when is that Pilotwings game coming out anyway?), wakeboarding, and eventually engaging in an aerial showdown (when is Star Fox coming out anyway?)

Wii Sports Resort is not challenging at all, it can easily be beaten in a matter of hours. However, the bang for your buck relies on who else is willing to challenge you. Exactly how most N64 games played out back in the 90s, the more people you have willing to play, the more fun it is. Wii Sports has become the Mario Kart 64 of the Wii, a game that is ridiculously easy to beat when alone, but becomes a daily activity with other people.

Bottom Line: Love this change or hate it, but Nintendo is nailing the mainstream and has become the Apple of video games: basically becoming more than just a product, but a fad that will not go away anytime soon, even if the competition time and time again has proven that there is potentially better stuff out there. Riding on the mainstream love towards the cheap and friendly video games, Wii Sports Resort is a larger, more laid-back, and superior version of Wii Sports.

While the game lacks a storyline full of expensive cut-scenes, it’s full of delightful moments and things to do. You won’t be bored anytime soon, as long as you set your expectations towards the level of Wii Sports. Bring some friends and family, and this shall be the main event of your Friday nights. The hardcore crowd has to wait only a little bit longer, as they shall receive the sure-to-be-awesome Metroid Prime Trilogy later this month. In the meanwhile, enjoy this sugar-coated gaming treat.

8/10