15 Stories That Should become Animated Disney Movies

Boredom is dangerous. For anyone that thinks that Disney translated alll the good stories (and some of the bad ones) to the big screen, think again! Here are 15 great stories that can still become grand animated flicks for kids and adults to see and enjoy! here we go!!




#15: Devil Went Down to Georgia

Disney should start adapting music to film. There can be grand stories that can be shown to film—but please, no Tool. That would just be depressingly bizarre. Why not a fun little song that sounds like a good ol’ folk tale? The 70s classic Devil Went Down to Georgia should do the trick. Now, the tough part is stretching this song into an 80-minute movie.



#14: Carmen

While we are at the subject of songs, why not transform an opera to a Disney masterpiece? Why, Carmen has it all; all the deadly sins, villains, a beautiful princess-like character, and bulls. Yep, perfect idea if you ask me. Who the heck said barber of Seville???



#13: 1984

Have to make things tough for Disney sometimes. So why not force them to adapt a depressing, grim, psychotic, horrific tale about government, greed, power, and oppression? There technically can be a princess here…um..maybe. We may have to remove some material, like the part where sex is a political act.



#12: Davy Crockett

Yes, it’s been a Disney television show, but I think an animated movie about his travels and encounters with Daniel Boone, Jim Bowie, etc. would be mighty entertaining. With a heavy dosage of frontier flavor, we can also revitalize the appeal of Frontierland with this new franchise. To make it legal on this list, there have been SEVERAL fictional tales about this man.



#11: Robinson Crusoe

We have the beautiful setting, the major conflict, the villains, and the hero that overcomes it all somehow someway. It’s a grand book that hasn’t quite received the perfect treatment for the big-screen (Please see image). Its about time it happens.




#10: Peanuts

Awww, why not? Yes, we’ve seen many movies and shows with these adorable characters. However, none of them ever had the budget and endless time limit most Disney movies possess. Have you seen some of the animation? I think its time a company that actually has money give the Peanuts an opportunity to shine and look good for a new generation of audiences. Plus we can erase the memory of the previous Peanuts dreary specials.




#9: Calvin and Hobbes

Check this; an animated movie about a week in the life of Calvin and his imaginary friend as he tries to finish a book report and at the same time look for some buried treasure in the woods. This comic strip was absolute genius and was wayyy too short-lived. I’d pay whatever to see a faithful and lovely translation to the big screen.



#8: The Odyssey

Granted we have to edit half the material here, The Odyssey is an epic story about a man wanting to see his queen after a brutally long war. Removing all the times he actually cheated on her, Disney can spin this into a heroic quest for love and a safe return home. Then with the crazy assortment of characters, there is no way we could possibly butcher this and make it boring at all.



#7: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

If you say “Tom and Huck” I am going to scream and proceed to slap you in disgust. That was crap. We can do better, much better. Like Davy Crockett, we can certainly add the Frontier flavor we rarely see in films nowadays (We have Deliverance to thank for that). To add to the fun, we can even weave in some parts of Huck Finn’s stories.

*Dueling Banjos starts playing*




*insert worried look*



#6: Hatchet

One of the BEST young novels of all-time, this certainly deserves a shot at the big screen with a Disney-sized budget. While it works better as live-action, I’ll plaster it on this list because a) I can and because b) the book is indeed that that good.




#5: Oedipus Rex

Disney, I DARE you to try to adapt this one. I DARE you. If you don’t know the story, Wikipedia it, and then figure out why Disney and Rex will never, ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever happen.




#4: Zorro

OUT OF THE NIGHT, WHEN THE FULL MOON IS BRIGHT. Excellent television show, excellent character, and an excellent opportunity to deliver us a Hispanic, Tex-Mex Disney princess and a Hispanic-Tex-Mex hero that anyone can look up to. This has gand idea written all over it. Yes, we can animate it and still make it entertaining with fights and all. We just need the return of Sgt. Miguel Demetrio Lopez Velasquez Garcia.





#3: Don Quixote

Yea, it’s been cursed. Very cursed. Not even Johnny Depp could save a modern version of the tale. But, if there is a place that can end it, it’s Disney. Disney can defy curses, I am sure of it. This tale has it allll: action, comedy, romance, plenty of themes, trusty sidekick, many supporting characters, and a female that can emerge as a “Disney princess.” If you remain close to the source, then there’s no reason why this could fail.




#2: Dr. Jekyll and Master Hyde

Yes, you read it right, Master Hyde. The original book is too scary and traumatizing, so why not mix it up a little? Instead of being totally evil at night, he becomes a crime-fighting kung-fu master. Why not? Awwww…fine.





#1: Captain Underpants



I don’t even have to explain myself. I will pay anything to see this done. Anything.

The 15 Greatest Disney Traditionally-Animated Films of All-Time

This year, Disney is returning back to its roots by returning to traditional animation with the release of The Princess and the Frog. Being directed by the madmen that helmed the classics Little Mermaid, Hercules, and Aladdin, this is sure to bring Disney back into the 2-D spotlight and remove some attention from Pixar. However, traditional Disney animation has suffered relentlessly this decade, thanks to films like Treasure Planet, Atlantis, and Home on the Range. Perhaps we will be brought back to another Disney Animation Renaissance, which last time ran from 1989 to 1999.

In the meantime, I’ve compiled a list of the 15 best traditionally-animated Disney films, 15 films that animation fans must watch. Fantasia is not on the list simply because its more an experimentation and an experience (Advertised in the 60s as a trippy one) rather than one with a fleshed out storyline and list of characters, conflicts, and the whatnot.

Here, we, go, the 15 best 2-D Disney flicks.




#15: The Lion King (1994)

Financially as the peak of the Disney renaissance, The Lion King rises from the competitive 1994 box office and emerges as one of the biggest animated hits in the history of the United States. Beautiful scenery, grand cast of characters, strong sequences of emotional value, and a delightful ending to top it all off, The Lion King is the best-selling VHS tape of all-time because of its ability to appeal to kids of all ages and to adults of all ages. And who could forget the introduction?



#14: Lady and the Tramp (1955)

Sometimes, simple is enough to become a classic. Lady and the Tramp offers nothing astounding, nothing major, or epic. Instead, we have an extremely charming animated tale about two dogs in love. Meshed in with a nice cast of characters, good music, and the best kiss in cinema, this often overlooked gem deserves more attention.



#13: Mulan (1998)

The damsel in distress tale ain’t happening here. Mulan reverses the usual Disney formula by offering a strong female character that helps the men. This nice little twist is a great change of pace from the typical Hollywood garble that involves hapless females and epic men with smiles wayyyy too white coming in to save the day. While there was a strong female lead in Hercules, she wasn’t as utilized as Mulan. Unlike the others that used their beauty to enter the list of Disney princesses, this one worked and fought her way in. P.S.: the skinny-dipping scene is easily the best part of the film.



#12: Hercules (1997)

If you don’t know much about Greek mythology, then you have no idea why this movie is on the list. If you have good general knowledge about mythology, you are in for a fantastic ride here. The constant references, jabs, and allusions to Greek history and mythology support the fact that this is one of the smartest and best-written of the Disney films. While the characters themselves fail to propel the movie to top 10 heights (Although James Woods as Hades is just absolutely hysterical) Hercules is still worthy of watching because of the villain, the musical numbers, the sassy Disney princess, and cool references to The Karate Kid.



#11: 101 Dalmatians (1961)

Lady and the Tramp started the whole talking-animals-in-a-modern-setting; 101 perfected it. The art design in this film was quite different, but was very effective. The plot was a bit modern for the usual Disney fare, but worked well as well. The villain was unlike anything one would have ever imagined, and worked like a charm. Everything about this movie was unique, unexpected, and on the whole rather modern. Nonetheless, thanks to stellar casting, great writing, and plenty of suspense, this movie barked its way into box office fame and classic status.



#10: The Little Mermaid (1989)

If I had neglected to include this in the list, I probably would have been beheaded by some rabid fanbase. This is the one that SAVED Disney animation and started its march towards classic after classic after classic. What happened here was that the animators and writers went back to its roots: they relied on a lovable cast, great villain, adorable princess, catchy music, and fluent animation. The Little Mermaid also marks the first time the prince actually has a name and actually has a personality.



#9: Fox and the Hound (1981)

Grab the antidepressants. Easily the most depressing of all the animated films on this list, Fox and the Hound dodges the cutesy Disney fluff we are used to be delivering a powerful tale about friendship and how prejudice can poison them. Even the ending wasn’t the usual Disney fare, as it avoids happiness and instead goes for a more realistic ending. Watching this as a child, I was traumatized at just how sad it all was---especially the scene where the fox had to be let go. Actually, thinking about it now is making me a bit gloomy. Let’s stop discussing this movie now….*grabs tissue*



#8: Aladdin

Taking everything that made Little Mermaid and improving upon it, Aladdin rises past criticism and controversy to deliver an epic tale about an orphan bum that rises to become a prince by capturing the love of the princess and going to amazing lengths to be with her. Deep down it’s a love tale, but embedded in it is a great story full of action and humor; and then three of among the best supporting characters in Disney history, which is the hilarious Genie (perfectly, perfectly voiced by Robin Williams), the sinful Jafar (He made Jasmine a sex slave for crying out loud) and Iago (perfectly cast by Gilbert Gottfried). Let’s not forget the Academy Award-winning music, which starts perfectly and ends perfectly.



#7: Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Visually the best-animated film of all-time perhaps , Sleeping Beauty’s strongest portions come with what Fantasia was experimenting: the blending of images and music. If you want more evidence of this; the princess and prince do not speak in the 2nd half of the movie. If you want more evidence, just look at the beautiful dance scene with Princess Aurora and the prince. Then, let’s not forget the adorable fairies and the sinister and quite scary Maleficent. The movie flows like a beautiful fairy tale.



#6: The Jungle Book (1967)

There’s a myth that states that Walt Disney threw the Jungle Book story on the table and said “All you have to know is that this story is about a boy that was raised in the jungle and has to be brought back home.” That’s not the exact quote, but more or less that’s what he said. Nonetheless, the writers came up with a magnificent tale that has the best supporting cast of all the movies in this list, which ranges from a hypnotic snake, a crazy orangutan, a jive-talking bear, Beatles-like vultures, mischievous monkeys, and more. Let’s add great music. Check. Let’s add beautiful animation. Check. This would be the final animated movie with Walt Disney’s touch and approval (Aristocats he just approved) and it shows throughout the 70+ minutes. Little known fact: this was the biggest hit of 1967, nearly doubling the numbers of The Graduate.



#5: Pinocchio (1940)

Snow White was the first Disney animated film and was groundbreaking blah blah blah. Pinocchio perfected the formula and set the standard for decades to come. I can’t think of a single dull moment in this gem, it all worked so well. There’s adventure, comedy, action, great music, and even a hintage of horror (That whale scared me, and then there’s the donkey sequence). All this is topped by a beautiful ending that makes you believe in the power of Disney magic. Centuries from now, we’ll most likely still be talking about this movie.



#4: Cinderella (1950)

You know all these rags-to-riches movies and all these movies about a female not getting enough love or respect rising up to become rich, famous, and finding the perfect man seemingly out of nowhere? We have this movie to thank. What few people don’t know is that the Disney version of Cinderella is what started the forever-successful genre of the Cinderella complex, which to this day still exists (The Devil Wears Prada, The Princess Diaries, Pretty Women). The difference is, this remains the best version. The music, the animation, the scenery; this is one of the best representations of the way Disney liked his movies and the way he sees the fantasy world. Cinderella to this day remains a lovely inspiration for girls everywhere.




#3: The Emperor’s New Groove (2001)

If you truly knew me, you’d know this film was going to be high on this list. Everything in this movie is so anti-Disney, it works like a charm. Despite its Anti-Disneyesque material, it doesn’t bash the spoofing over your head like the Shrek sequels; instead it relies on fast-paced witty dialogue, fast-paced humor, visual humor that requires multiple viewings to catch, and above all the best voice work in the history of 2-D animation. Eartha Kitt, David Spade, John Goodman, and Patrick Warbuton all are perfectly cast and play off each other flawlessly as we are thrown from one crazy event to the next. Unfortunately it was met with criticism from Disney purists that want the same old true formula. Personally, any movie that combines Looney Tunes with excellent writing is worthy of the utmost praise. Yes, this is the third best traditionally animated Disney movie and I stand by this opinion 100%.





#2: Beauty and the Beast (1991)

If this isn’t the best love story told on film, darn it, it should at least be Top 5. Beauty and the Beast is the first Disney animated movie to truly show off that animation can exist for adults just as well as children. While more edgy animated material has been produced before, they never reached the quality that Beauty and the Beast contains. Layers upon layers of human themes and values are presented here underneath a beautiful story about a bitter and heartless beast that suddenly falls for the most unique gal in the town; one that defies the typical easy-go-lucky female in the area. Pointless trivia: Beast and Belle are the only two characters in the movie to wear blue. This sort of attention to detail doesn’t happen in movies nowadays, and is why this remains the only animated movie to be nominated for Best Picture—which it should have won by the way.

If I have to explain to you why its so high up here, that’s because you have not seen the movie. Just watch the film again, and then probably you’ll understand. There’s the music, the characters, the animation, the meshing of computer animation with traditional, the famous dance scene, the hilarious battle scene, and the final 5 minutes. The final 5 minutes has some of the best music you’ll ever hear in any movie. Belle is the best of the Disney princesses because her personality is the most fleshed-out and the most realistic. Gaston is one of the best villains because he represents all that is wrong with the human species; ranging from his machoism to his self-centered behavior, to his animalistic desire to kill a creature that had never even seen him.

Not only one of the best animated movies, but among the best you’ll ever see. It remains one of the 20 greatest movies I’ve ever seen, and to this day I can watch it and remain mesmerized and moved by the story. It gives any hopeless romantic faith that someday their prince/princess shall come.








#1: The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977)

The list we have here is about the best Disney animated movies. What on earth does a better job representing Disney and Walt Dinsey World in general than Winnie the Pooh? Winnie the Pooh is sugar-coasted fluff that appeals to anybody, no matter who you are or what age you are. This movie has no underlying or subliminal messages. This movie has no killing, no deaths, and no violence, nothing of that sort. Instead, we have good, clean, harmless, beautiful animation that flows like a wonderful book you can’t put down.

Following the animation are three adorable stories that in no way copy, mimic, or resemble one another. Following the adorable stories are a memorable cast of characters that each have their special appeal; whether its Pooh’s innocence to Piglet’s fragility to Eeyore’s endless depression. We have beautiful music, lovely songs, visual humor, cute dialogue, a dismantling of the fourth wall, and to finish it off, a beautiful ending that wraps up (albeit temporarily) the Winnie the Pooh story arc. Winnie the Pooh represents the beauty, simplicity, and timeless era of childhood and exiting the 100-acre wood is an approach towards adulthood. If there is a movie that can describe Walt Disney World, this is it. If there is an animated movie that can describe what Walt Disney did for the world, this is it. If there is a movie that can show how the “Disney touch” can enhance a film, this one is most certainly it.

One of the 10 greatest American films of all-time, Walt Disney is known more for his theme parks, but should also be known for being able to perfectly produce and enhance a film. This is my pick for the best traditionally-animated Disney movie in its long history; and I don’t see this one being topped for a very, very, very long time.

Project A: 8/10

There are certain cinema ideas that were just meant to work, no matter what the circumstances might be. Jackie Chan fighting pirates easily ranks up there as one of the slickest ideas ever composed. Thank goodness it delivered on the premise. Jackie Chan's Project A is a mesh of action, comedy, and homage to classic slapstick. Within the 100+ minutes you'll see some spectacular fights, even more spectacular physical stunts, hilarious physical humor, and of course, Chan at his best. Unlike the insurance-run Hollywood, the Jackie Chan Stunt Team wasn't afraid of taking risks or getting hurt at the sake of entertainment, and this beat-em-up' underrated classic overpowers any modern-day action film that Hollywood could muster. Project A is silly but viciously raw; and thanks to clever direction and choreography, its one of the better martial arts movies out there.

Project A is about (Yes guys, there is a plot) a group of sailors, Navy-like men trying to stop Chinese pirates from wreaking havoc in the coastline. However, because of corruption amongst the government and the police force, they are unable to receive enough funding to continue the fight and are forced to thwart the terrorism when it strikes on their home turf. Jackie Chan and co. must try to stop the rivalry against the Chinese police force and unravel the web of corruption that's entangling everyone involved and heightening the danger present. Jackie Chan not only starred and directed the flick, but he wrote the script too, and it's quite clever at times. Other times, it can be quite confusing—usually in those instances you are anticipating the next fight, which is never too far away.

In a martial arts movie, we watch for all about the fighting. While Enter the Dragon may have started the obsession and love towards the genre, Jackie Chan and his reliable crew perfected the art in the 80s. Project A is easily one of the best choreographed films of all-time in terms of the action; some of the fights are just flat-out unbelievable. Jackie Chan fights with a bicycle for crying out loud. While the punching and kicking combinations aren't as gruesome as his other films (Drunken Master, Meals on Wheels, Dragons Forever), the elaborate movements and avoidance of damage (example: Chan avoids a man swinging a sword at him for two minutes straight) more than make up for it. Not a single action fan should be disappointed. Plus, just like Chan's best comedic work, there has to be at least one humorous fight thrown in, and Project A delivers in this category as well.

Chan's direction does two things: allows for the action to remain intense, and showcases just how elaborate everyone's movements are. There is no trickery; you shall see elongated shots of hand-to-hand combat that's too precise to be filmed in the United States. While Chan doesn't have the ability to capture emotions like Spielberg or Scorsese he knows how to flesh out the energy and craft of a good fight. And that's why we are watching this, correct? Nobody's acting here is award-worthy, but it gets the job done and maintains its silly-but-serious tone. Sammo Hung gives the best performance of the film as the thief that thwarts Chan's quest for justice and at the same time helps him.

Bottom Line: While perfection or masterpiece isn't achieved here, Project A delivers everything you could possibly want in a martial arts film: amazing stunts, great fights, decent story, good acting, worthy adversary, explosive finale, and a tang of humor. Well-directed and written by the master himself, Project A remains one of Jackie Chan's best work and another example of how his foreign films are far superior to that of his work in America. It's not all his fault though; Hollywood doesn't lust as much over precision and perfection as the Chinese do when staging a fight. Legend of Drunken Master's final fight took months to film; one stunt here required a week of merely convincing Chan before actually filming it----we don't believe in investing that much time towards a couple of minutes. This is called effort, and Chan's career has more effort than twenty-five actors and actresses put together. Project A: Jackie Chan fighting pirates; it's too good to be true. Thank goodness it's true.

P.S. Is it so hard to correctly dub a movie? Buena Vista pretty much butchered this film.

Coming soon in my reviewing stuff

As soon as I actually have the time, here are the next criticisms:

Mall Cop: 5/10 >_<

Jackie Chan's Project A: 8/10

A Boy Named Charlie Brown: 7/10

Doubt: 4/10

The Oscar season has arrived so this means a slew of these deep, engaging, powerhouse ensemble films are all over the movie theaters in hopes of gaining an audience and having the opportunity to earn Best Picture in the big show. Among them is this film that is based off a very popular and well-acclaimed play. The original playwright was actually the writer and director of the film adaptation; which comes as a double-edged sword. On one hand, who better to translate the play than the original writer? On the other hand, who better to not see the mistakes and drawbacks of the play and fix upon them than the original writer himself? Doubt mixes excellent acting and plenty of tension and suspense; with a frustrating ending, unnecessary dialogue, questionable directing, and of course, the inability to provide substantial answers. It is a growing trend among these "high-caliber" films to not answer all questions it provides, and this has to stop.

Doubt is like a joke without its punch line, like a book with the final 20 pages missing, like losing reception while watching the fourth quarter of a hotly contested football game, and like not having the 50 cents to continue playing the arcade game and see what happens next. Doubt, just like the previous Best Picture frustrationfest No Country For Old Men, doesn't really end; it doesn't provide us with considerable answers nor does it deliver enough for us to figure out the ending. Yes, that was the intent, but this isn't a test of humanity, it's a cop-out. I do not pay money to see an unfinished work, I pay money to see a beginning, middle, and end, and pray that I don't fall asleep during the three acts. We are forced to become the "writers" of the movie by filling in the blank ourselves as to what happened before and what will happen to the characters we saw screaming at each other.

This little drama is about a nun (Meryl Streep) who seems very sure that the well-beloved priest (Philip Seymour Hoffman) is making sexual advances towards a child that goes to the church; the first African-American boy in the Catholic church. The church is secretly torn as to whether or not he really is committing heinous sins behind everyone's backs. The plot thickens as some of the kids begin behaving differently, which attracts the notice of a young teacher (Amy Adams). The story is set right after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, which shook the nation for quite some time and questioned their faith in humanity and in each other.

Doubt's strong points come in the acting ensemble and also the ever-engaging suspense that builds slowly and never boils over. Streep seems to be Oscar-worthy in every role she's in, and here she is no different as her sternness and cold-hearted behavior places a blanket of fear in all the students and with some of the staff in the church. Hoffman excels yet again as the priest, by successfully meshing suspicion with a charming personality and a friendly aura. The seemingly hypocritical personality is tough to pull off, especially when we are suppose to like him and also ponder about him at the same time; but Hoffman steps up to the plate against one of the best actresses of our generation and fantastically delivers. When these two argue, you can hear the fireworks fly without ever seeing one launched. But let's not forget Amy Adams (Enchanted) and Viola Davis (Law ad Order) for their superb job either. Doubt's casting ensemble is among the best in 2008.

Yet, like previously stated it's the writing and directing that ruins this film, especially when dwindling down the third act. Questions pop up, but they aren't answered. Characters pop up, but provide no real enhancement towards the plot. Kids behave different, but we never truly find out why. There are awkward angles in the camera-work…and…there's no actual reason why. John Patrick Shanley, the writer of the play, had one previous film in his directing repertoire: Joe Versus the Volcano. Whether sheer arrogance or stupidity, we are stuck with seeing overdrawn sequences of random conversation, utter annoying chatter that bores to no end (There was a two minute discussion about coffee and how much sugar the priest wanted) thanks to Mr. Shanley.

Bottom Line: The lack of an ending is a stupid trend that's just as irritating as the seizureific camera-work in action films. It doesn't matter that we have a great talented acting cast, or decent cinematography, or a good story being worked upon, or good usage of sound and music; because we have a barrage of unanswered questions that sprinkles all over a film that is over 100 minutes yet doesn't even finish! The translation from play to film is good and quite accurate, because we have the original madmen behind the project—but he took the mistakes and stupid hiccups from the play to the film as well. This decade has seen its share of blockbuster and high-profile films that could have gotten a much higher score from me if they had just decided to add a few more minutes of footage and actually end: Sideways, Cast Away, No Country For Old Men, Burn After Reading are a few examples.

Newsflash: end your stinkin' movie. Please or at least provide a good amount of clues for us to easily fill in the blank (like Wall-E's depressing backstories), instead of staring into space as the credits suddenly start rolling and you are left with a feeling of emptiness, confusion, and mental anguish. Have a beginning, middle, and the end please!! As a critic, I prefer my films to be whole, not incomplete. Doubt feels incomplete, which is why it gets an incompetent grade.

Someone has to break this stupid trend.

10 Disney World Attractions That Needs a Change

The Walt Disney World is most certainly a most magical place, full of wonder, attractions, and wholesome entertainment. But of course, its not without its desires for improvement to enhance the experience even more. While in recent years the company seems to not care at all for Disney World, the tides have been changing as we see Haunted Mansion and Spaceship Earth getting a major overhaul. Here are a list of 10 attractions that are decent but can become even better with a little money and love attached to it. This list does not include attractions that are dreadful and need to be redone from the getgo (Maelstrom, Kali River Rapids, I’m looking at you).




#10: Innoventions at Epcot

When this first came out, it set the standard for future technology around the world. Now, well, its using technology that we already know about. PS2s are the future? Honestly? Nintendo Wiis? Now we have a comedic attraction and what its like to experience a hurricane. We can do much better than this, there’s so much incredible technology that we DON’T know about that Epcot can introduce to guests around the world. The best part is this wouldn’t take as much money as it would sponsors. If Disney pushes for companies to provide the most outstanding inventions, then their brand name will stick out more, leading to more success in the long run. Believe it or not, Test Track has helped GM manufacture a few sales here and there. Innoventions should be the future, not the present.



#9: Jungle Cruise at Magic Kingdom

Yes, the success of this ride rides solely on the skipper commanding the boat. But let’s help the folks by providing more scenes, more animatronics, more insanity presented. A few more details wouldn’t hurt the ride at all honestly.


#8: Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Magic Kingdom

In terms of overall appeal and details, this ride stands way up there as one of the best the entire world of Disney has to offer. Whether it’s the water running around the queue line, the announcer providing his raspy voice and western flavor, the immense amount of pointless material roaming around, Big Thunder matches the theme perfectly. Then the roller coaster itself has some of the best turns in any ride in Orlando.

However, the third part of the ride is lacking a bit. After the first two were wild, long, and created close brushes with obstacles, the third one is slower, shorter, and doesn’t have the grand finale that rides like Everest contain. So what do we do? Extend the length of the ride to include the crazy finale it deserves. While I have recommended expanding the ride to rush through Tom Sawyer Island I can settle for just a longer length and one final big drop to end the ride on a high note. Like I said, the reason why Big Thunder doesn’t get as much praise as other rides is because it ends so weakly. Changing it would give it even more fame then its sister ride Splash Mountain.


#7: Tom Sawyer Island at Magic Kingdom

This is another classic attraction that’s received little to no love within the past decade or so. One of the most relaxing and picture-friendly portions in all of Orlando, Tom Sawyer Island blends immense open space with playgrounds, obstacles, fun little caves, and even a large fort for kids to play in. It’s a lovely attraction that can be even better if we include more caves, more mayhem, and more stuff inside the fort. Unlike most overhauls, this one can benefit a lot with just a few more details. The caves themselves can be spooky fun if you’re with the right people. I should nonetheless be happy that this attraction even exists, as Disneyland totally changed theirs to make it themed to Pirates of the Caribbean.


#6: Universe of Energy at Epcot

It’s embarrassing to not be able to outperform the previous installment (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c76VO7JwJSg), even with Bill Nye by your side. Ellen Degeneres is a very hit-and-miss comedian and doesn’t have the ability to carry this 40-minute movie/ride. The gigantic screen in the beginning of the attraction is amazing and one can do so much startling material with it, but it wasn’t utilized well in the newer version. Go back to your roots, and don’t try to entertain, attempt to overwhelm. Less jabs at childish humor and more jabs towards teaching us, inspiring us, making us walk out of there feeling a bit smarter.


#5: Journey to Imagination at Epcot

See previous paragraph. The previous versions of Imagination were better (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI2VcQRMOM0), the building itself was better, there was more to do…continuing would make my heart hurt. This ride is terrible but it makes the list because it used to be much more amazing.

#4: Tomorrowland Speedway at Magic Kingdom

Say what you want, but this ride is a classic that will entertain kids for generations to come. But the potential is so much more, and its dated status can be seen from miles away. Why not use modern cars or cars of the future, since you are in Tomorrowland after all. Why not make the track even longer? Why not increase the speed of the cars just a bit more? The ride itself was good, but its been needing a bit of fixing for a decade now. Tomorrowland itself needs a major change, and this is one of the biggest attractions to require it. If everything around it looks and feels like the future (some in a retro-sort of way) why shouldn’t this one adjust as well?


#3: Star Tours at Hollywood Studios

Star Tours was amazing when it first came out, and then we saw what Disney could do with big IMAX-like screens by creating Soarin’. Soarin’ makes this ride look a lot more dated than Disney could have ever imagined. Imagine this: Star Tours with Soarin’-sized screens, multiple options (I personally would prefer Hoth over the Death Star), an updated soundtrack, updated special effects, and a heavier sound system. It would be the ultimate space flight experience.


#2: Impressions of France at Epcot

Speaking of Soarin’ ruining rides like Star Tours and Sea World’s Wild Arctic, what about France’s long-forgotten classic film about the beauty of France? If we want to discuss dated, let’s waltz our way right over here and see a film that’s been around since the 80s. The movie itself isn’t necessarily bad, but once again after seeing Soarin’ pouring amazing image after amazing image, imagine what Disney could do with its Discovery Channel Planet Earth technology in capturing modern-day scenes of France. It would heighten the quality of the entire pavilion to a new plateau. Nice film, but the potential is oh-so-there.


#1: Space Mountain at Magic Kingdom

So it’s come to this; One of the quintessential attractions in the history of Walt Disney World ranking #1 on this list. Granted, it’s an unbelievably classic attraction in every possible way; from the themeing to the music to the ride itself. Yet, why on earth has it not gotten an overhaul when Disneyland’s version did years ago? Where is our updated soundtrack, sound system, updated cars, and updated track? Space Mountain’s architecture is the first thing that shouldn’t change, but needs cleaning. The queue line needs new images of space (after all, we’ve discovered so much in recent years). The queue line needs more effort in general.

The track is a structural achievement that’s quite underrated (If you thought the tracks in Dueling Dragons were close, look above the next time you ride Space Mountain) but needs a little smoothing out. Space Mountain is one of Walt Disney’s final projects and should be treated with more respect, especially with it being one of the major powerhouse rides that launched Magic Kingdom into the modern-day success that it is. Space Mountain can become an utterly amazing experience overall if Disney closes it for a little and fixes it up, like Michelangelo putting his finishing touches on the Mona Lisa.



Bottom Line:

The Walt Disney World is a grand place, and I carry no regret in serving them for over 5 years. However, there can be so much more done to this place. Walt Disney said that no park should ever be fully completed, there should always be changes and additions. We should live up to those words, as Disney can be even more magical if we spent more time and money with it. We need to preserve the magic, and I believe it can be done, we can bring Disney back to its glory heydays.

I can dream, can't I?

The Top Movies of 2008

Well, it’s been an interesting year for movies, that’s for sure. Whether it’s a controversial Pixar flick once again bending the rules, a Batman flick (headed by a death) battling Titanic for box office supremacy, hoards of surprising success, and Best Picture wanna-bes finding a tough time to find theaters (not audiences, theaters), there’s plenty to talk about in terms of movies. I’ve rounded up a list of films that I’ve deemed the best of 08. Granted, I didn’t see ALL the movies (Slumdog Millionaire, In Burges, Step Brothers, Pineapple Express) I did see enough to make a list of 7 grand movies that should be viewed by everybody. Here, we, go!

#7: Eagle Eye

There’s a major lack of Hitchcock theater in cinema nowadays, but Shia and D.J. Caruso seem to be borrowing from his books. First was the surprisingly suspenseful Disturbia, and then we have the North By Northwest-like Eagle Eye, that is about two total strangers suddenly thrown into a world of terror, grief, and endless surprises. The cast does a swell job in hiding the major conflict (and cause of) from the audience for a major amount of time and keeps the film gripping and tense by delivering wild chases, devilish twists, and more. Now, to fix that nasty camera…

#6: Kung Fu Panda

Surprise, surprise. Nobody saw this turning into a 600 million-dollar smash hit that had a good amount of heart, soul, comedy, and action. The voice acting was phenomenal, the animation was crisp, it never got preachy, never got pop-cultreish, and was wrapped up in the end nicely. The sequel is bound to happen, but as long as they continue with this winning formula, I’ll be first in line to see it.

#5: Iron Man

20 minutes away from being the top comic book movie of the year. Aside from the final fight and conflict leading up to it, Iron Man was virtually flawless. Robert Downey Jr. was spectacular, the special effects were great, the film was a smooth, slow, yet enjoyable beginning to a superhero that deserves a killer franchise. We need more of him in the suit for the next installment, and we are totally set. Too bad Terence Howard had to be such a prick.

#4: The Dark Knight

Oh boy, here we go. The film is inches away from reaching a billion dollars in worldwide sales, its getting a major push for Best Picture, and its setting the benchmark for super hero films everywhere. Here’s where I look in the other direction. Yes, the Dark Knight is good, but not the best. There’s way too much going against it (lack of art direction, sloppy acting from the extras, anticlimactic ending, Batman having a cold, attempting realism to something that has little of it to begin with) to qualify as the best film of the year. However, this is a must-see, as it does weave a grand tale and does contain some awesome scenes. Then, let’s not forget Mr. Ledger as the Joker.

#3: Tropic Thunder

This one is ranked higher than most people would rank it, but personally I got a major kick out of this. Whether it’s the ridiculousness of it all, the subtle humor all over the place, the crazy spoofing, hilarious one-liners, unexpected cameos, and utter madness that drowns the picture 10 minutes in, Tropic Thunder will attack the funnybone and becomes quite relentless in getting a laugh.

#2: Harold and Kumar: Escape From Guantanamo Bay

Shame on me, a film major, for placing this offensive, crude, and ridiculous sequel to the cult stoner classic so up high on this list----past Dark Knight, past Iron Man, past Doubt, past every movie but one. Let’s just make one thing clear: this movie does what most 2008 movies didn’t do: deliver exactly what it advertised. Sex and the City lacked the sex, Batman lacked the fun and comic book feel, Wanted lacked action, Madagascar 2 lacked laughs, Bond lacked Bond, Hulk lacked personality, and Zohan lacked everything. Harold and Kumar promised more laughs, more political correcting humor, more absurdity, and more drugs. Guess what, that’s exactly what we got, and it never once slowed down. It even had a hintage of heart, and the best cameo of the year. In the league of films I’ve given an 8/10, this one rises above them all.

#1: Wall-E:

Pixar has time and time again best the rules, pushed the limits of animation, provided year after year of instant classic material, and made every other animation studio look dreadful when compared to the relatively young company. Pixar started hitting the extremely high notes and started garnishing its major respect when Finding Nemo busted on to the scene, and from then on the expectations got higher and higher. The Incredibles was a grand movie, Cars was their only setback, Ratatouille is the first (and only) computer animated film to breathe flavors of indie-filmmaking, and now we have Wall-E: a Chaplin-like gem of a tale with minimal dialogue, seven layers of plotlines, and one of the most charming love stories of the 21^st century. For the first time since…well…last year did we have an animated movie push for the Best Picture prize. But unlike Ratatouille, this one may have a chance. In the meanwhile, it remains the best movie I have seen in 2008.